Post # 16
First and foremost, you need to work out whether there is a genuine danger that your wedding day will turn into a violent battleground if you invite your grandmother and your aunt. If there’s any risk that this will happen then you’ve answered your own question really. Nobody is going to be insulted if they aren’t invited to an event which compromises their safety and they won’t thank you for observing “proper” etiquette from inside an Emergency Room.
Your father is, of course, a problem in his own right and personally, I wouldn’t want him there. He’s not earned the right to play the role of FOB if his behaviour is so erratic that there’s a good chance of him ruining your wedding day.
Post # 17
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
It sounds like a) he needs to not be at the wedding until he gets the mental health treatment he needs. He’s violent and unpredictable, this could end very, VERY badly for you and your guests. He needs to stabilize before he’s allowed to be in that environement. and b) that you need to hire security for your wedding. This sounds harsh, but a violent unstable alcoholic can’t be able to just “show up.” You don’t have to un-invite people to tiptoe around him because he shouldn’t be there.
I’ve had some of these in my family, and sometimes you have to take drastic action to keep yourself and those around you safe. When he sees the consequences of his actions, he may be more willing to pursue long-term treatment.
Post # 18
I feel terrible for you, OP!
You do have the option of not having your father at the wedding. You could hire a security guard to keep him out. Awkward, yes, but may be well worth it for the peace of mind on your special day.
That’s what I’d do. Tell dad to stay away & then hire a pro to deal with it.
Post # 19
The more I think about it the more I agree that if you not invite these ppl because of your dads behavior then it will show him a signal that it’s ok to act the way he is acting.
Post # 20
OP my concern is that you say you’re pretty much alone in dealing with your dad. You need help and support! I would suggest talking to your Grandma about it, he’s her son after all and she might be able to help you. I would also be telling him that if he doesn’t get it under control right now, HE’S off the list.
Post # 21
Op, I am sorry you’re dealing with this. I would be scared that if it’s not your grandmother and aunt your father is raging at, it will be someone else – maybe even you and/or your fiance.