Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
I know MANY people have posted about this same topic, but as you ladies know each situation is very different.
My dad wants to walk me down the aisle alone. He actually said that there is “no way in he**” he is going to share me. My step-dad also wants to be included in the ceremony as evident by a conversation he had with my mom regarding the need to rent a tux for my wedding.
I have not addressed this issue yet because I am absolutely torn.
OK back story:
My parents got divorced when I was 2 and I have always had a great relationship with my dad, even if it was every other weekend. My step-dad and my mom were married when I was about 9 and we had A LOT of conflict until I was in college. Things normalized then and then after graduating I became kind of close to him. We text and e-mail jokes to each other and have a pretty good relationship overall. We really respect each other and have more in common than we thought we did when I was younger. However good our relationship is, it is not even close to the one I have with my dad. I do not tell my step-dad I love him, even thought I really do, and we only hug on special occasions. Whereas I am very affectionate with my dad.
I want to include both my dad and my step-dad in a way that makes them both feel special. Also, it should be mentioned that they are splitting the wedding 50/50.
I was thinking that my step-dad could stand at the end of the aisle and when the question of who gives me away is asked they will both answer “we do”. Then I can include him and my step-mother (who I am VERY close with) in a reading.
What does everyone think? ANY advice would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
I’ve only ever been at one wedding that at step-parents and they weren’t involved in the actual “giving away” part and everyone was close and fine with each other. The step-mom and step-dad walked themselves down the aisle and that was it.
Judging by what you said that your dad won’t share you, I can’t imagine he’d partake in “we do.” May you step-father can preceed you and your dad walking down the aisle and him looking back signals your enterance?
Post # 4
Member
3263 posts
Sugar bee
Well, not too much advice on what to do… But just because your step-dad said he needs a tux for the wedding does not mean he wants to walk you down the aisle or even feels it’s his duty to. While you two have been a part of each other’s lives for a while, I wouldn’t automatically assume that’s what he’s getting the tux for. I would make it clear to him that you want your dad walking you down the aisle, if that is what you want, and that you want him to have a special part in the wedding as well.
ETA: Most recently, my at my cousin’s wedding (technically my second cousin once removed or something, but we’re close) her dad rented a tux by request of her but due to a very, very strained relationship, he did not walk her down the aisle. He was a parent to the bride, so therefore she wanted him in a tux despite not having the honor of the aisle walking.
Post # 5
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Thanks for the advice. I think that my step-dad expects something becase when my mom asked him why he would need a tux he said “well, I thought she would include me. I did help raise her”. Which is a true statement. My mom became a stay-at-home mom after having my brother and sister (soon after marrying my step-dad) and even with me being a terror as a child and teenager he supported me financially and otherwise.
Post # 6
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
@Delilah12: “…even with me being a terror as a child and teenager he supported me financially and otherwise.” I think this alone proves what you should do. He helped raise you & should be involved in the wedding. Your dad really has to understand this. Unfortunately it is all a part of divorce…Just because he says there’s no way in hell he’s sharing you does not mean you have to listen to him. I think they both deserve to be honored. I like the “we do”.
Post # 7
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
I think you can find a way to include your stepdad without having him walk you down the aisle. Maybe he can do a reading during the ceremony?
Post # 8
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
I think whether he is a part of the ceremony or not, he should still wear a tux and be acknowledged as a “parent of the bride.” Most step parents of friends I know have not been a part of the ceremony other than in the annoucements (wedding invitation, programs, thank you toast, etc.), but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be or should be…it all depends on what you want.
You said you are close now and he helped raise you. Plus, I think that is very nice that he/your mom and your dad/step-mom are sharing the cost 50/50.
What if he walked down the isle right before you with your mom, instead of her being ushered by a groomsmen or usher? Also, I think the reading is a nice idea too. I can see your dad’s reason as to wanting to walk you down the isle alone, although I don’t necessarily agree with it. But I think the other things you and PP’s mentioned (reading, meeting you at the end of the isle and giving a hug then sitting down, walking down with your mom before you,) definitely still include him.
Post # 9
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
I understand how tough this can be. I dont necessarily have any advice, but ive spent a lot of time thinking about how i was going to handle this at my own wedding….ill share in case it helps you at all 🙂
My step-dad has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, and I am closer to him than my biological father. He is also paying for my entire wedding. I know he wouldn’t be offended at all if I just included my father in the ceremony, because he would rather avoid any type of conflict on my wedding day. However, I have decided I will have both him and my biological father walk me down the aisle. Originally I was going to walk alone to avoid this situation altogether, but I’ve decided that it is what it is, and it sends a nice message. I am also going to include them both in the father daughter dance by starting the dance with my biological father and then switching to dancing with my step-dad halfway through. I originally wasn’t going to do a father-daughter dance either but I think this is a good compromise.
I think it would be really unfair to have to choose between the two. My biological father may not like “sharing” me either, but this is often the reality of divorce when young children are involved, and I think it’s reasonable to ask everyone to get over it for one day.
Post # 10
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
a good compromise would be to have your mother, step dad and step mom waiting at the end and all four of them could “give you away.” You can say to your dad “You’re my daddy and I want you to walk me down the aisle but all 4 of you helped to raise me and I really want you all involved in that final step.”
Another thing to think about would be to do the traditional walk and give away with your dad and for him to share the father-daughter dance.
Your dad needs to deal with the fact that another father figure was in your life for a significant amount of time. It’s what happens when parents divorce. He shared you all your life, he’s going to have to deal with sharing you now also.
Post # 11
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
I think your idea is perfect – your stepdad will be standing but your biological dad will be the one to walk you down the aisle. Good idea!
Post # 12
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee
@zomgwut: +1 Great Idea! If you include your step mother It might get dad alot more on board!
Post # 13
Member
11 posts
Newbee
Maybe instead of saying who gives … away, the minister could ask, who blesses this marriage, or something like that. It doesnt sound like the steps here have acted as parents.
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