(Closed) Help! Destination etiquette and questions

posted 5 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
123 posts
Blushing bee

The main advice I would give is do not invite anyone who is not invited to the actual wedding to a jack and Jill or to a shower, or provide them with a registry. That is a price you pay for having a small wedding.

Your decision for a small Destination Wedding is fine but to ask people to come to celebrate events in your honour such as a shower while in the same breath not considering them important enough to come to the wedding would be rude.

Congratulations on the engagement and happy planning!

Post # 3
4556 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m the “rude” person that had over 20 people at my bridal shower that were not invited to our Destination Wedding. They love me and wanted to celebrate me, shoot me. Yes, I had a registry for this and many things were bought from it. They knew for years that they would not be invited to the wedding and made their own decision about coming to my shower. Most people IRL aren’t as bitchy about it as the bee.

We had our reception 3 months after our Destination Wedding. The invitation said to come celebrate our recent marriage. We did not have STD, just sent the invitation about 1.5 months out from the reception. Our wedding had 10 guest so no invites or STD. We had our first dance in Hawaii and I don’t have any living family so we didn’t do family dances (DHs mom has passed too) so I don’t have advice about dances. 

Post # 4
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

1) Small weddings really don’t need save the dates. They’re more to let everyone know well in advance who you don’t talk to regularly or to give them a heads up what city it’ll be in.

2) Man of Honor gets to decide what, if any, party he wants, or is able, to throw for you. Leave it up to him. 

3) No. {Sorry for harshness.}

4) You don’t. If you get asked by multiple people for any registry information or people begging to know what you want/need. Sure, then it might be reasonable to pick out some pots and pans and serving dishes, but until they’re begging to know what wedding present they can bring to your after-wedding clambake – you don’t. {Again, sorry for harshness. Like PP said that’s the price of a small wedding.}

5) I’d do it like a wedding announcement, then like any other party invitation. Since it’s an informal wedding party, you don’t need to make it too grandiose.

6) Wherever you feel most comfortable! I’d want to do the dance at the Destination Wedding, but you can maybe dance to the same song at the clambake? Daddy/daughter, mom/son I’d just do whenever it was the most convenient. Maybe both? 

7) I don’t think that would be too long of a wait. I think that’s the perk of non-traditional, you kinda get your own rulebook!

Post # 6
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I would think you can set up a registry, but I wouldn’t put the information about it on the invitation to your at-home party. I actually think it’s tacky to put registry info on any invitation. If anyone wants to know, they generally will ask if you are registered anywhere. I just threw a baby shower for my sister and did it that way- 90% of people asked me where she was registered when they rsvped.

Post # 7
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think you would definitely need save the dates for the actual destination wedding, but not for the after party. We didn’t consider the home event a reception, but a wedding celebration and we’re putting that on the invitation. 

Also, I disagree regarding the registry. We’re having a destination wedding and guests told us “don’t make this difficult/complicated, we want to get you a gift, just have a registry.” We DID put a disclaimer on our wedding website’s registry page that the greatest gift we could receive is their presence and no other gift was necessary. 

Post # 8
41 posts
  • Wedding: January 2017

I agree with shortbread654 our Destination Wedding is in Las Vegas, however we invited all of our close friends and family (total of 108, knowing that most would be unable to attend, we wanted to make sure and extend the gesture of the invite). We are having about 30 attend. However, people were bugging me non-stop about a registry so I bit the bullet and made one. Ha ha… only about 3 gifts we received were actually from it for our couples shower on Saturday. So… don’t worry too much about the registry.  Our wedding is in 19 days (Jan. 28) We are also having a welcome back party being thrown in our honor by my wonderful godparents. I think you have a little more time with a “reception” than normally would be acceptable probably a few months. We had a couples shower but did not play games, mostly just socializing. When we have our welcome back party we will be putting the registry information on it. However, this does directly defy etiquette. Know the rules your gonna break, I guess lol. My friends and family will not be offended and I won’t keep getting people asking me that same question over and over. 🙂

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