Post # 1
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
Sorry this is going to be kinda long.
So here’s the background, Fiance and I are both early 20’s and finishing school up this year. I just finished in December and he will be done in April, so were waiting until April 2014 to get married so we can save up a bit. As of right now, we have NO money what-so-ever to actually pay for a wedding, so our parents wanted to and will pay for our wedding.
As we began looking in to a traditional church wedding with long night reception after, what we both want, we began to realize how expensive everything is!!! My parents (who are paying the biggest chunk of the wedding, $10k) are incredibly strapped for cash but insisted that we do this. However, as the bills roll in, my mom keeps talking about how expensive everything is and how they can’t afford things because I’m getting married and now she has begun to hint at a destination wedding.
His parents make GOOD money and said that they would help ($5K) but they aren’t the brides parents, so they figured that was overly generous and enough. I know they, along with FI’s sister and brother-in-law really want us to have the traditional wedding.
Here’s my thing. I do want the traditional wedding with the reception and church ceremony, etc. but I’m starting to think that my wishes aren’t worth killing my parents financially. It’s only one day. I’m starting to think of doing a destination wedding where my parents and sister and FI’s parents, sister and brother-in-law and niece can fly down. I would love to do the whole wedding in paradise on the beach and think it would be more cost effective (cheaper for parents, they get a built in vacay, and no extra honeymoon fee).
Did you have a destination wedding or non-traditional wedding? Did you love it with no regrets, or wish that you had done the traditional church wedding with reception.
Having a reception after we get back is out of the question, that’s the huge chunk of cost and what I’m looking to possibly cut out.
Sorry it’s so long! Any advice/opinions would be great!
Post # 3
Member
8 posts
Newbee
We are having a destination wedding in February. (By ourselves…so maybe it’s eloping) We thought about having a wedding in our hometown, but like you, the cost of everything was outrageous! After comparing the cost, we decided that one day of “entertaining” everyone else was not worth it. Sometimes weddings become a huge ordeal and not necessarily about the bride and groom. Do what you two feel comfortable with! There is no need to try and please everyone else. As long as you are happy, then it will be a beautiful memory! 🙂
Post # 4
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@PrettyinPink45: I would continue to push for a destination wedding. If your FI’s parents have a problem with it, they can cough up more cash. Simple as that.
Granted your parents probably shouldn’t have insisted on paying so much, but what’s done is done so hopefully you can help ease the financial burden a little bit.
Post # 5
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
We’re having a destination wedding in the Rarotonga, Cook Islands, in May. After going through exactly the same as what you are going through now, I would honestly have to say to go for a destination wedding. The money worries are just not worth it for one day – and worrying about catering for heaps of guests and heaps of fuss takes away the actual meaning of the day.
Although, I will be honest, I had always imagined a massive wedding with heaps of guests and detailing to the max, but after coming to the realisation that it’s not about everyone else.. I’m now super excited about our intimate wedding with close family and friends. We’re only having about 20 guests -all paying their own way- and they’re happy because they get to share our day and get a holiday too!
I’ll share a little slice of wisdom from my mother, she told me “No one remembers the wedding cake.” Basically she meant that it doesn’t matter what you do, or where you get married, no one remembers the small details that drives brides crazy with stress and angst. So do what you want to do, have your wedding where you both want to have it, because it’s your day to remember.
Post # 6
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
Thanks for the help ladies. Fiance and I still have lots of talking to do before we decide what we want, but after having some talks with our families, they are being incredibly supportive. All of them looked at us and said, no matter what you decide, it’s your day and we want you to be happy with it. I am blessed to have such a supportive family.
Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
I did a church destination wedding – made everyone happy and no regrets!
Post # 8
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
we had a destination wedding, otherwise we would have had over 500 people at a traditional wedding here. we LOVED it!!!!!!! we invited just the people we wanted there, closest family and friends, turned it into a week long celebration, it was amazing and felt so surreal, the surroundings were gorgeous and it definitely was once in a lifetime, unique wedding!!
The only thing we would have changed was maybe we would have opened up the invites to all the family and friends and let them decide who wants to come or not – what stopped us doing that was that we paid for everyones accommodation when we were there (as we only had a small number of guests and wanted them to be there and we recognised that asking ppl to pay for flights, accommodation and take time off work etc is quite costly) … although everyone loved it and it was a mini hoiday for them too!!!
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