(Closed) Help!!! Do I change the date???

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
5185 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I wouldn’t change the date. Apparently this guy has got a lot going on an living in a different country makes scheduling difficult. You can’t keep changing your plans for the best man, he’s obviously not changing his for you. Your wedding is about you, maybe he can skype in to the reception or something like that if he is unable to make it in person.

Post # 3
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Depending on where he lives vs. where the wedding is held, maybe the baby can’t fly but he can for a day or two if they are that close?  London to the East Coast is only about a 5 hour flight.  He may be in hot water but I would not change the date from one which is very significant just for him.

Post # 4
14 posts

I agree, don’t change it. If you have things booked, it is not easy to change, and they will have to understand!  One of my best friends is in my wedding parrty, but I am well aware she is trying to have a baby. I know that she has every intention of being at my wedding across the country, but I will understand if she has to back out if she is in her last trimester and can’t fly.  I am learnign through my planning process you can’t make everysingle person happy when picking the date.

Post # 6
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Allisoninaz:  Since you already have things booked, I don’t think it’s a good idea to reschedule again. Positive outcome is you’ll be married. It’s too bad that the best man can’t make it but it’s impossible to plan around random life events like that.

Post # 7
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Allisoninaz:  your Fiance is going to have to realize that plans have been changed once, its not fair to all the other people involved to ask them all to rearrange, AGAIN, for one person.

I’m guessing you’ve made deposits? Some vendors can rebook a date, others won’t. Why lose all the momentum and possibly lose money? Its a shame Bridesmaid or Best Man can’t make it, but the world shouldn’t stop because of it. 

Your Fiance is about to be married, its time to be a man and learn to accept things that sometimes suck. What happens next year, when Bridesmaid or Best Man has another baby, or some other life altering event? Will you just keep pushing your wedding back, further and further?

Post # 8
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

Allisoninaz:  Nope.

I understand that you want to celebrate with this man and his family; however, you’ve already paid money to book vendors and more importantly, you’ve demonstrated how MUCH you wanted to celebrate with him by changing your date in the first place!

I’m sorry but, at the end of the day, your wedding is about your Fiance and you. I can appreciate that you’re invested in your FI’s happiness but what about yours? I’m assuming YOU don’t want to push back the date, potentially indefinitely – and, again, who knows what’ll happen if you do? What if the friend’s kids get sick next time and can’t fly? What if next time the friend is told he can’t take time off work? You can’t keep juggling your life around this man.

All in all, your FI’s happiness shouldn’t depend on this guy being at the wedding – it should depend on marrying YOU and being able to spend the day with YOU. He needs to accept that his friend may not be there but it’s not the end of the world.

Post # 9
65 posts
Worker bee

Unfortunately I don’t think it’s wise to plan your big life events around other people’s life events. As much as it will suck not having him there, if you reschedule, something else will come up making that date not ideal too. You could list him in the program as “honourary best man”?

Post # 10
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

One word: Skype!<br /><br />It isn’t perfect, but perhaps the Best Man can join in via a Skype (or other video conference call) during the reception and give a speech or toast? If that doesn’t work, perhaps just a pre-recorded video of a speech/toast and then a quick call to you and your groom privately at some point in the night.

I feel that even though this man is your FI’s best friend, as long as you’re there, he will be happy. 

Post # 11
1522 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly you already moved it once for him. He isnt planning his life around your wedding (assuming they were trying for the 2nd baby) and he knew that it was a possibility his wife could be pregnant for it. My Brother-In-Law flew out for a wedding (UK to Chicago) to be best man when his baby was a newborn- his wife had help from her mom while he was away. He stayed just 2 nights – the night before and night after. Perhaps he could do something like this? Otherwise, enjoy your wedding, no doubt you have already planned so much for this date. Dont reschedule it for 1 person. If he cannot fly out then as PP said skype is your friend! And I agree a pre-recorded speech would be great.

Post # 12
848 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Talk to your fiance about this.  I wouldn’t recomment rescheduling again around what works for your fiance’s best friend but there is always going to be something that comes up for someone.  

Post # 13
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

i dont know for some reason i would change it..can you move it up? i know my husband would have been hearbroken if his bestie wouldnt have been at our wedding as would i if my Maid/Matron of Honor couldnt have made it. Moving it up would be a better option than moving it back! 🙂

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