(Closed) Help! Do I have to invite my relatives' boyfriends/girlfriends? TORN

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I invite my relatives' boyfriends/girlfriends to our intimate wedding?
    YES : (22 votes)
    45 %
    NO : (27 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    6210 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I think that you’d be fine if you invite the cousins with their families (don’t send them their own invitation, especially if they are living at home) and then tell them if they ask that you’re limited budget-wise, so for family you are limiting it to engaged/married.

    Is that a rule that would apply to the other guests/his cousins?

    Post # 6
    Member
    11343 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    No, you do NOT need to invite boyfriends and girlfriends of your cousins, regardless of how long they’ve been in relationships with your family members.  Etiquette requires that you invite social units, and social units are defined as those who are married, engaged, or living together (because traditional etiquette assumes that they are secretly married.)  If any of those three factors applies, then you must invite the SO involved. If not, then etiquette does not require you to do so.  Please do not allow anyone to try to convince you otherwise.

    I will say, however, that you may not want to repeat to anyone in real life what you posted here about them not bringing gifts. First of all, gifts, though customary, are not required and should never be expected. Second, if the SOs would be invited because they would be your cousins’ dates, then it is quite likely that they would be providing joint gifts with your cousins.

    Finally, to help avoid confusion, simply write the names of those being invited on the invitation, and send an individual invitation to any single person age 18 or older who may still be living at home with his or her family.  If you’re using both inner and outer envelopes, all the better, as it provides double reassurance as to whom, specifically, is being invited.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9074 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I don’t understand. You want an intimate wedding but you’re inviting people you’re not intimate with?

    If you don’t want the boyfriends, don’t invite the cousins.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6210 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    Tell him what I have said to my parents:

    Would it be meaningful to those people to see you get married? Have they been involved with or shaped your life in any way?

    The answer here is definitely no, so they don’t need to come. And these people won’t disappear after the wedding; it’s not your only time to see them. If your cousins ask “can I bring my boyfriend G?” say “Unfortunately we have to limit it to engaged/married, but I know you’ll have fun with your family, and I would love to do a double date/other meet up with you and G. He seemed like a great guy when we met him, and we would love to get to know him better”

    That way there will be no confusion as to why you are not inviting them

    Post # 9
    Member
    2969 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i think it’s fine not to include the boyfriends/girlfriends, especially if you don’t even know them that well.

    we had a few people try to invite their significant others and we just told them that due to extremely limited space/budget, we could not accomodate any “extras.” but one person showed up with his girlfriend anyway :/

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2961 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    To make matters more complicated is whether “bf/gf includes” significant others. After 8 years, if my sig other was invited to a wedding I would have probably have been upset if I was not included- IF I knew the bride or groom. Otherwise, I would not have cared.

     

    @MeiFrancis:  Excellent point.

    Post # 14
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    Just a couple of things to consider.  I have been to weddings where the cousins and friends were not allowed to invite a guest.  Many of them didn’t show up because they were from out of town and didn’t want to drive long hours alone.  The other thing, there was no one on the dance floor because they didn’t have their guest to dance with.  It seemed like a lot of people left early to get home to the one who wasn’t invited. If you only had a dinner it wouldn’t matter but if you have a band/DJ and want a good party you might want to rethink it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    6210 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    @kmaemu:  by all means, do!

    Post # 16
    Member
    109 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would look at the budget first. If there’s no room for them, there’s simply no room. Your Fiance should be all about saving money. (Mine is at least.)

     

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