Help! Do I invite her?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do we invite her?

    You have to, wedding etiquette!

    Nope, it's your wedding!

  • Post # 2
    486 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    Either invite your friend and C since they are engaged, or don’t invite either.  That’s tricky though and I feel for you.  If you want to still invite this friend, make sure seating them nowhere near in-laws?  But I don’t know… what’s more important, having your friend there or not having C there?

    Post # 3
    5060 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Invite both or neither.

    So how close are you with this mutual friend?  Are you hanging out regularly – happy hour, dinner out or invite over for dinner/games/movies?  If so, presumably his fiancee is present during some of these occasions?  How do you get along then?  If you don’t hang out – exactly how important is this mutual friend and how long do you see this friendship continuing if you aren’t willing to acknowledge his relationship and treat them as any other couple?  Cause I’m not sure a friendship like that is going to last much longer anyway and thus a wedding invite to either of them is likely unnecessary and just speeding up the inevitable.  

    Otherwise, you presume that adults are capable of acting appropriately in public and set aside whatever happened multiple years in the past for one evening.  And if they aren’t, then have staff working the wedding remove them.

    Post # 4
    1688 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d just invite her. She may have caused drama years ago, but she’s engaged to someone else now. Do you really think she’d still cause drama at your wedding with your in laws?

    Post # 5
    8218 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    THeir wedding is before yours – she will be his WIFE. You need to invite her. Seat her away from the ILs. 

    Post # 6
    6974 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    If you invite him, you have to invite her. Maybe she won’t come. You never know. 

    Post # 7
    357 posts
    Helper bee

    Option 1: Invite the couple, assume C will not create drama after all these years, seat them far away from ILs. 

    Option 2: Do not invite the couple. 

    Take your pick. There is no other option, you cannot invite the man and not his wife. 

    Post # 8
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Like other PPs said, invite both or neither.

    I’d probably invite neither (unless he was a very very close friend). It seems like you, your fiance, and his family will be more unhappy with them both there than neither of them there.

    Post # 9
    9020 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    View original reply
    bride2bee27 :  this is tricky, I agree if you invite him you need to invite her. How upset would you be if you didn’t invite him?

    Post # 10
    707 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Are you invited to their wedding? If not, easy, neither is invited to yours.

    If you invite him, you have to invite her. So if you are invited to theirs (and intend on going) then you should invite them. If you’re invited and not going, then I don’t think you should invite them, but this is likely a friendship-ending move on your part.

    Post # 11
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I’d invite neither.  Since they’ll be married,  you can’t just invite him and not her.  It doesn’t seem it would be worth inviting a friend if it would make your in-laws uncomfortable.

    Post # 12
    1008 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    Either invite both or invite neither. It will create more drama to invite him but not invite her than it would to have her there. So you need to just decide if you’d rather have your friend there and put up with her, or if you would rather not invite him just to not have to deal with her. Up to you, but you can’t have the best of both worlds here.

    What is your FI’s opinion on the situation? His opinion should weigh heavily here since it seems it affects him and his family more.

    Post # 13
    108 posts
    Blushing bee

    I agree with both or neither.

    Post # 14
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    bride2bee27 :  Oooh.. That’s going to have to be both your friend and C, or neither. UNLESS your friend understands the drama it’ll potentially cause having C there, and will be okay with going alone. But then again im sure C will throw a fit about it and not let your friend go, concidering they’re newly weds and C probably doesnt want her husband around her ex and her ex’s family since they left on bad terms..  Best of luck!  

    Post # 15
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2020 - La Jolla, CA

    I voted no-but I should clarify, I wouldn’t invite either. 🤷🏽‍♀️

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