Help! Do I invite her?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do we invite her?

    You have to, wedding etiquette!

    Nope, it's your wedding!

  • Post # 31
    Member
    46 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    View original reply
    impatient1 :  yes, if she’s actually this bad and going to cause problems, I think OP could do with re-evaluating her friendship. Personally I would not invite either unless he is a really good friend.

    View original reply
    Daisy_Mae :  yes, really. I’m presuming they’re good enough friends for him to be expecting an invite and not getting one at all would be saying to me that you don’t like me and think I’m a cretin? She just needs to say something like “I’m really but we can’t have C at our wedding due to the pain she caused Groom’s parents. I hope this won’t effect our friendship, would you still like me to send an invite for just you?”.

    This is what I’d be hearing as the friend in this situation, even without an explaination. Like, presumably the friends knows whatever happened with C and the groom and his parents?

    I don’t think it’s a fundamental rule of society and life will go on. I’ve been to quite a few weddings where a wife (the same one every time) doesn’t get invited. I don’t know what she did and do not ask, they are not a couple I would be inviting to my wedding anyways so I don’t worry about it.

    Yes, it’s good etiquette to always invite both parts of a married couple (I personally also include engaged and living together long term in this too) but that doesn’t mean you can’t ever break this rule no matter what.

    I wouldn’t go to a wedding that only I was invited to.

    Post # 32
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee

    Invite both or neither. If you are super good friends with the husband then you can talk about it with him, assuming C is completely aware on why it might be awkward.

    Also, does your future husband have an opinion about this since it is his drama?

    Post # 33
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    View original reply
    bride2bee27 :  If you invite her fiance, you need to invite her. You said it’s been many years; maybe she’s gotten better? Evenso, unless your friend is in the wedding party, your FI’s parents (as well as you and your FI) are not likely to interact with her beyond a greeting. You’ll be too busy. I would go ahead and invite her but be particularly mindful of where you place her in your seating chart. 

    However, I would first check with both your Fiance and your future in-laws to see how they feel about the situation. If either of them feel uncomfortable having her there, then do not invite your highschool friend. If you are particularly close to that friend and they seem hurt or express to you that they are hurt about not being invited, you can explain that although you would love for them to be there that there is just too much history with his fiance and you need to honor your future family’s feelings. Hopefully, he’ll understand, but at the end of the day your relationship with your Fiance and with your future in-laws is more important. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    969 posts
    Busy bee

    I wouldn’t invite either. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1716 posts
    Bumble bee

    Just don’t invite either of them. Easy! 

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