(Closed) Help! Bees what would you do about this dilemma

posted 7 years ago in Elopement
Post # 17
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@sienna76:  +1

Maybe after you get back you could host a potluck and just celebrate as a big party with everyone.

Post # 18
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@katlovesjames:  Small local wedding, immediate families only. (EDIT: and grandparents too).

You say, “I have a huge family and if we had a wedding every single one of them would want to be invited” – this is where you learn to say NO. Whose feelings are more important here, your fiance’s parents, who raised him for 20-odd years, or random aunts and uncles who (probably) contributed nothing to raising you except for birthday and christmas presents? The aunts and uncles are just going to have to deal with the fact that you don’t want to spend $20k feeding them all.

Post # 19
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee

You guys sound just like us!  My Fiance is also an only child and I have a giant family.  We decided to have a destination wedding, we’re still inviting everyone, but we know many of my family members wont come because it will be out of the country.  If we had it where we live, we’d expect 130-150, with the destination wedding we think about 30-50 will come.  Do you think that a lot of people would travel for your wedding? We really wanted something intimate and a destination wedding was the only way we could achieve that without offending people 🙂

We’ve decided to pay for our wedding, but our parents are throwing us a party afterward so those who couldn’t travel can still feel included.

Post # 20
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d just invite parents (and possibly a couple of close friends) if you are worried that eloping will disappoint his parents (since he’s an only child). And if others get upset, they’ll just have to deal with it. You can tell them you both wanted a private, intimate ceremony. Good luck!

Post # 21
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you feel like only inviting immediate family is not for you, why not have a private wedding, but involve family in another fashion? There are companies that stream weddings live on the internet, which would be an option for you — I, personally, am thinking of doing this. It’s a great way to involve people without all of the travel, money, etc., usually involved in weddings.

If not a live stream, a video would work in general for involving family. In this case, I would create a website with details about the ceremony, your honeymoon, other pictures, and, of course, the video itself.
 

Post # 23
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@katlovesjames:  That sounds good. I just hope the parents can afford to attend. If they can’t, I still think a small local wedding is the way to go. Because I think offending the aunts and uncles is preferable to excluding the parents. So I hope what you plan works out!

Post # 24
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@katlovesjames:  That sounds like a lovely plan!  I think an intimate wedding with close family/friends is the way to go for your situation.

Post # 26
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@katlovesjames:  as I am currently have in people pleaser issues in my own engagement I vote do what you want!

Does your husband want a wedding or just the two of you, do you want just the two of you or a wedding.

 

I agree with PP and say that if you want people to be there, only have a small wedding or a Destination Wedding

Post # 27
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You can have a lovely wedding for all your friends and family for under $20,000. There are tons of bees who have or are doing it. My own wedding was around $5,000 but looked very elegant. I think it’s a myth and a cop-out to say that weddings have to cost over $20,000. 

Post # 28
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My SO (soon to be FI) and I have discussed this many, many times. He wanted the big wedding for his family, I have always wanted to elope but my mother would be heartbroken. We decided to have a destination elopement, and we are taking our parents and siblings (plus his grandma who is the only living grandparent) with us! Will his many, many (6) aunts be sad they didn’t see his wedding, yes… But it’s our compromise. 

maybe you could do something similar, take just his parents, so that they don’t feel left out and heartbroken, and yours. Both sets of parents get to see their child make that commitment, and you don’t have to go into debt by trying to please everyone else!

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