(Closed) HELP – Dramatic Aunt & No Kids rule

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

i just had my god daughter who was 2 and my nephew who was 9 months there for after the ceremony (for pics) and the meal (high chairs and people watching them!) they then left before dancing! I didnt want crying and running around during the ceremony and wanted my BM’s who the two kids belonged to to let their hair down in the eve

They were my family so if people were offended by it then so be it but they were the closest kids to me and even they werent allowed in ceremony room! 

People were fine. Its your day- no one should presume ANYTHING! you call the shots!

On my invite i didn’t beat around the bush i just wrote ” We are very sorry but we cannot invite children to the wedding.”

Most friends wouldn’t want their kids there anyway- they want to let their hair down!

The only exception for me personally would have been newborns as thats more complex with feeding and i would have been happy for a mum to bring a tiny newborn so they could be there!

good luck! Stick to your guns! It’s your day! x

 

 

Post # 3
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I understand smaller children better than kids that age. They are old enough to stay home, the parents don’t even have to pay for babysitter. We are having kids at our wedding simply because we each have 2 children (3,4,6 & 9) plus my niece is in the wedding. But its our wedding, we are paying so its our choice. If you don’t want children there she either needs to respect your wishes or not come. Its one day, she can deal for one day!

Post # 4
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

These posts come up so often that I’m starting to think that you just have to accept stuff like this if you want a kid free wedding. Are you entitled to one? Absolutely. However it seems like you just have to live with the fact that some people are going to be pissed off about it. I would just tell your aunt the truth and say you’re sorry she feels that way.

Post # 5
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

I think you have good reasons to have the under 18 kids that you’ve already specified at your wedding. Weddings are not really fun for teenagers and kids anyway. Stick to your guns. 

Post # 6
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

I feel your pain. We’re not having any children at our wedding, not even a ringer bearer or flower girl, and my sister is pitching a fit. She has decided to ban me from the lives of her children (7 and 8) because I’m “phony and only pretend to care about them when really I only care about myself.” I’m really not excited for all of the drama that will still be to come over this, probably lasting until the end of time. 

Post # 7
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I had a kid-free wedding but, didn’t make any exceptions.. A kid-free wedding is a kid-free wedding.

People are obviously going to get pissed off when some kids are invited and others aren’t (no matter what your reasoning). Tell her the truth and stick with your decision.

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh my gosh this is basically our EXACT same situation, except that it was my Future Mother-In-Law throwing the fit on behalf of her siblings and their children. After three days of tearful phone calls, we finally gave in and invited all of the children. 

We also had a LOT of people who would be offended if we allowed the children from one family but not another, so we ended up inviting them all. 

I won’t say that there’s not a lot of resentment on my side of things – I feel like I was forced into this decision – but at the same time I’m glad to have the drama over and done with. 

I have no good advice because I don’t think there’s a “right” answer here, but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone with this issue!! 

Post # 10
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
yyousefi:  i think it’s totally up to you! A 17 year old isnt really a kid though. My main concern was toddlers running around making noise! x

Post # 11
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

This is why we sort of went the “all or none” route. It isn’t exactly fair to let one person bring their kids and tell another that they have to get a babysitter. Even though my niece and nephew are family, my fiancé has several friends who are as close as family to him  (he’s military and far away from his biological family), so it wouldn’t have been fair to invite my sister’s kids, but not invite others. If we invited all children, it would have added 30+ people to our guest list and we’re already at max capacity and on a tight budget. My sister doesn’t see any of this though, she is taking it as a personal attack. 

Post # 12
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Is it more offensive to say one kid is invited ( and the others aren’t) or is it worse to say none are invited?  More offensive to only invite one kid and not the other.

How to approach my aunt and talk to her about this? Nicely tell her to get over it. It’s not her wedding. You’ve made up your minds.

Post # 13
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you need to speak to the aunt directly. Let her know it is your and your FI’s choice and your mother has no say in the matter. Stand your ground and say no. Say I’m sorry if this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you. End it there. Repeat if needed. Don’t give her any reasons, just say that is who is invited. If you say why she will turn around and try and solve the why.(saying she will pay for thier meals or it’s not fair about the other 17 year old)

Post # 14
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wait… so the uncle is your blood relative (the brother of one of your parents), and the aunt is married to him and therefore not blood related?  And the kids in question belong to the non-blood-related aunt’s brothers?  Wow.  Unless you’re a ridiculously close family and hang out with these people all the time, I’m amazed it’s even an issue.  How well do you know them?  It’s such a distant relation when you think about it… I don’t even know if the spouses of my blood-related aunts and uncles HAVE siblings!  I think your exceptions to the no-kids rule are perfectly legitimate, and you can tell this aunt that you won’t be able to accommodate her request.  End of story.  

Post # 15
Member
2383 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I think it is abominably rude for anyone who will be a guest at any event, to castigate the choices of the hosts of such an event, for any reason. Even if they are family!!! I don’t think you owe it to this aunt to call her to explain anything. She isn’t going to change her mind, so why bother? You will be humbling yourself to her, and there is no call for it! Who gives a rat’s ass how she feels about kids at your wedding, they aren’t even hers?

Your aunt can bitch all she wants. Don’t give her the dignity of a response.

 

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