(Closed) HELP! Etiquette for Program, MIL not coming to wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Given the circumstances, I would cut the “who’s who” section of the program and stick only to the order of events. If you want to have people know who the parents/step parents are, maybe have the DJ introduce them with the bridal party.

Post # 4
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@KitKatNYC:  +1. Just avoid the whole thing. “Seating of the parents”. Done.

Post # 8
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Future Mother-In-Law isn’t coming to my wedding either. There isn’t the drama, it’s just that my Fiance doesn’t speak with her anymore, so we won’t be inviting her. Also same circumstances with my father. I am planning on just doing this:

So and so Mother of the Bride

so and so Stepfather of the bride

so and so father of the groom

so and so stepmother of the groom

From my POV for your situation, if she CHOOSES not to come, she doesn’t get to be offended. Sucks for her. She should have sucked it up and shown up to her son’s wedding.

… I tend to be a little on the tough love side of things though.

Post # 9
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with a couple of the other pps. If she’s the one that chose not to come, she should NOT be included on the programs. I know how you feel about your mother being hurt by not being included on the programs, so I wouldn’t just skip the formality. In all honestly, if his mother doesn’t want to support you or your fiance in his new life, then she has already made your choice for you. But on a side note…have you talked with your Fiance about it yet? What are his thoughts?

 

As far as the step mom..I would totally include her…she’s already considered a parent type figure and it’s not like his dad just started dating her a few weeks ago. Good luck with everything!!

Post # 10
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My father didn’t come to our wedding, and we didn’t put him in the program as he wasn’t in the ceremony and therefore we didn’t feel we needed to explain his role. DH’s dad passed away several years ago and we didn’t put him in the program, either (although he was mentioned during speeches). Neither mom is remarried yet so we just put in mother of the bride: name and mother of the groom: name. Boyfriends of the moms were present, but not in the ceremony, so also not in the program, but they did get boutonnieres.

Now that I look back on it written out, I’m not sure our thought processes made a heck of a lot of sense, but that’s what we did. If anyone was offended, they didn’t mention it. We also had the “advantage” of paying for the wedding ourselves, so no one had to be recognized for their financial contribution.

Post # 11
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I am in a very similar situation, except that my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are married and have been for 33 years. We used to have a great relationship until last year when Future Mother-In-Law snapped. Although I haven’t seen or spoken to her in over a year (and have never had anything even close to an argument with her), I’ve learned that she can be a very mean person who is at times paranoid and extremely jealous. After months of trying to figure out why she suddenly changed her mind about me and our relationship, my fiancé gave up and hasn’t had much communication with her at all.

Soon after her intense change of heart, she and her husband moved out of state, I guess to try and lure my fiancé away from me. Obviously it didn’t work, which has just made her even more unstable. My fiancé is an only child. Fortunately, Future Father-In-Law is coming to the wedding. Future Mother-In-Law has made it clear on several occasions that she is “definitely not going to be at the wedding!”.

I guess all of this is to ask for some guidance on our invitations and programs. I would love to include my parent’s names on the invites because they are paying for most of the wedding (fiancé and I are paying for the rest). My parents are incredibly understanding and selfless, so they would not be offended if we did not put their names on it. That is hard for me though, because I have always wanted to have their names on the invites. 🙁 I absolutely wish we could include both sets of parent’s names, but Future Mother-In-Law does not want to have anything to do with the wedding. If we could include just FFIL’s name we would, but it’s awkward because they are married. Any ideas?

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