Post # 31
He sounds controlling and manipulative, h isn’t the right guy. I always wanted to get married and met a guy was already mentioning together forever after 2 weeks! So creepy and I felt pressure just dating him. I broke up w/him and met my fiance soon after. I want to get married now. If something feels wrong to you, there is something wrong.
Post # 32
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
I’m coming from a conservative place and both of our families wouldn’t approve premarital living together and me and my fiance are well aware that we have to be married to see each other whenever we can and have all types of freedom in terms of intimacy. This however, has never made marriage something to get done quickly.
Your boyfriend is a big NO. Has everything been handed to him easily so far? One has to earn love and loyalty. I know many forced marriages that went very very wrong.
Post # 33
helpmeout : He is manipulative and controlling and he is not going to change. You need to leave this relationship completely. More time is not going to make him better. He will use it to either A) escalate his pressure tactics even further, or B) pretend to change in order to lull you into a false security until after you’re married and under his and his family’s thumb. You don’t want either of these to happen, so just dump him completely and don’t look back. He is bad news and you don’t owe him anything. Get out now.
Post # 34
betyl : Thanks for your insight. I do think that he has had a fairly easy life in terms of being very successful and always winning etc. I’ve tried to tell him that he has to earn my trust/love etc but he gets upset and says I’m just trying to delay things.
Overall for those of you saying to stop stringing him along, the truth is if things were fixed I’d marry him. My main concern from the beginning of the relationship has been his lack of interest in sex.
We were leaning towards waiting until marriage, despite the fact that he and I had sexual relations with others in the past. When I tried to talk to him about wanting to try it out, he said that he’s unable to do it with a condom and that I neeed to try hormonal birth control etc. But he barely has tried to initate other sexual things with me as well. For a long time he suffered from prostitis which essentially was causing him to urinate frequently, so that was another thing which impeded on any sexual relations. He also disclosed to me that he sometimes has a hard time ejaculating during intercourse, and probably does so about 50-70% of the time. (IDK if this is common?) I have communicated my concerns with him and he says it’ll be fine. I have even inquired about whether he was confused about his sexuality a few times, as I sometimes had a small inkling that might be the case. I felt really guilty that I questioned this about him but it was more of an intuitive gut feeling that was often met with thoughts of “you’re paranoid” etc from both my end and his end.
Post # 35
helpmeout : The sexual issues are just one more bad sign out of many many bad signs. If it was JUST this sexual question, it would probably be worth trying to get to the bottom of it. But with all the other problems and red flags, the sex thing is almost irrelevent. Even if it was suddenly fixed, you still have all this other stuff to deal with. It’s not worth it. None of it is. You will find a guy who does not have all these problems, and who you will WANT to marry. Don’t waste any more time with this one.
Post # 36
I’ll just add the positive things about him too so you guys understand why I’m still torn despite this drama:
- Very Funny
- Good Job
- If I’m down he is there for me
- Very very few men with similar religious background to choose from in dating pool
Post # 38
Oops, posted on wrong discussion.