(Closed) Help! Family member photographer. How to tell him we changed our minds?

posted 5 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I’d say his feelings will probably be hurt but you gotta do what you gotta do.  Just be honest and explain you feel into some more money and you are “relieving” him of his obligations. He might even be glad he can just enjoy the wedding instead of taking photos.

Post # 4
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Let both of them shoot. Tell him you would like two photographers for more photos, different angles, etc. He should understand, it’s very common to have multiple photographers I’d always recommend it. 

Post # 5
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell him that you’ve thought about it but that he’s family and you want him IN the pictures rather than behind the camera, also that he should enjoy the day.  If he wants to take pics of you for his portfolio or whatever that he can, but that you plan on haveing a pro there.  I don’t see why he should be too hurt unless he  really wnated the money. 

Post # 6
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsN14:  It’s common to have 2 photogs who work together but no pro is going to work with someone he dosn’t work with.

Post # 7
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@futuremrsbc:  Tell him that you were thinking about it and you don’t want him to be working at your wedding, you want family to be able to relax and enjoy the ceremony and reception, where as if he does the photography he won’t be able to do that.

Do not tell him you don’t like his skills.

Post # 8
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@futuremrsbc:  First of all, don’t let anyone make you feel bad about this decision! You are making the right one, absolutely. Your wedding photography is never the place to save in your budget, and you should never trust it to someone whose work you don’t absolutely love. You will be looking at these photos for the rest of your life. You don’t want major regret over bad quality, or completely missed shots – for moments that can never be recreated. 

I would tell him you have some extra money in your budget and that you would prefer to hire someone outside the family so that he can come and celebrate with you as a guest. Don’t go any further than that unless he tries to make you feel guilty about your decision. I hope that doesn’t happen, but if it does, stay strong! Tell him you (and your FI) are firm in your decision to have family as guests only. 

Best of luck finding a new photog! If you need any help or opinions let me know. I’m sure you can find someone who will do a great job for you with your new budget. 

 

Post # 9
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsN14:  A pro wont work with somebody that isnt their partner. Its in almost every professional contract.

Just tell your uncle you are really happy it worked out so you can have him enjoy the reception and actually be in the photos.

Post # 10
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsN14:  This idea doesn’t work. Pro photogs (which is what the OP absolutely needs to hire) do not allow other photographers at their event unless they have already decided to work together and are accustomed to doing so. There are many reasons why this is necessary…. There was a thread about it recently where I went into a lot more detail. 

OP, and other brides, if you find a photog willing to let you saddle them with an extra shooter without explaining to you that it’s a bad idea, you have found someone that doesn’t know what they’re doing, is inexperienced, and not a pro, and they should not be hired. Seriously. 

Post # 11
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@seAprilbride:  +1, my photography contract clearly states that only my photographer and her partner will be taking pictures for my wedding.  Like other bees said, I think if you just tell your uncle you want him in the pictures, and not taking them, he’ll understand.

Post # 12
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Uncle <name>, thank you so much for agreeing to help us with the photography but FH and I have decided that we’d like you to enjoy the wedding and not have to work so we have decided to book a photographer.

Post # 13
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

And maybe do give the photog you hired a heads up if uncle doesn’t take it well. I was hired in one of these situations and the uncle basically did everything he could to get in my way, ruin my work and prove he should have been hired. Honest, he elbowed me in the gut at the church. I’m sure our uncle isn’t that nuts but I like a heads up when there’s someone I should keep an eye out for!:)

Post # 14
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Lashmont:  Yikes! That’s hard to believe… how awful.  I’ve had guests ruin or try to ruin shots, but I’ve never felt like it was done on purpose. 

Post # 15
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@seAprilbride:  oh yeah he put me ” on notice” as soon as I got there haha. 

Post # 16
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

@Lashmont: A couple of weddings ago I had a begrudged photo aunt try to steal the couple away during portraits so she could create her own images. It was bazar and the couple didn’t want to make her feel bad so they just went with her. No light when they got back, though we were still able to do some twilight frames before the coordinator came to wisk them away {now behind on their schedule} She posted them on FB and they were just awful awful. I don’t get it.

@futuremrsbc

I think you need to be honest with him. He will try to convince you otherwise if you skirt around it.

Dear Uncle,

Though we appreciate your generous offer to shoot our wedding, after consulting with recently married friends we’ve decided to hire someone with a little more experience who does photography full-time. Your photos are beautiful *cough* but we would like you to be present with us on the day rather than working. We love you and hope you do not harbor any hard feelings we just feel this is the best fit for our special day.

Love, futuremrsbc

 

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