Post # 1
Has anyone felt disgusted with their fiance/groom?
We are getting married in November and just recently I began having negative feelings toward him.
He has done wrong in the past, but we have worked things out and we are back together.
We have a daughter together and he is great with her, and he does a lot for me.
However, when we get mad we will call eachother names, etc. He gets a horrible attitude with me as well.
He doesnt do this in from of our daughter, so I suppose that is good but its not all one sided, we both do wrong.
I am just worried that we shouldnt get married.
Post # 3
This doesnt sound all that terrible to me, but honestly if you are having doubts and feel like you dont want to marry him then you probably shouldnt…you should listen to your gut because if you ignore it you will just have a bigger problem down the road..sorry and I hope you figure it out…maybe postpone the wedding until you are sure.
Post # 4
I think you’re just getting stressed about planning your wedding. I know me and my FI get like that once and a while too but we talk it out and work at our problems. Lol, just recently and it was totally stupid, I flipped out on my FI because he didn’t go p/u his suit when he told me he was because he had to work late (he’s a mechanic). I felt really bad afterwards but he know’s I stressed with the wedding only a few days away. Maybe you just need to take an evening off together and relax.
Post # 5
I think it is normal to have negative thoughts about your partner, the key is to let your positive thoughts out weigh your negative ones. given your past hurts you may be feeling nervous to get married because maybe your thinking what it happens again, but I think it’s all normal.
Post # 6
No I would never use the word disgusted to describe how I have ever felt about my fiance. I have definitely been annoyed or angry with him, but never disgusted. And personally I would never legally bind myself to someone that had seriously wronged me in the past. Marriage only gets harder from what people tell me, so I would never enter it with any doubt.
P.S. these are just my thoughts. I hope that you and your fiance can find a way to work out your issues and hopefully before November so if you decide to marry him it will be with a clear conscience!
Post # 7
I guess my question is, why are you disgusted with your FI if you’re BOTH guilty of doing these things?
I don’t think that name calling, major attitudes, etc. are healthy for any relationship, regardless if it’s in front of your daughter or in private. Has this always been the case or is it recent as the wedding approaches? If it’s always been that way, I’d suggest counseling together before you get married. If it’s only in recent weeks due to wedding stress, then I would suggest you take a step back, talk calmly to each other about how unhealthy this is for you, and decide next how to procede. Maybe have a ‘safe word’ type of thing, where if one of you feels the other one is getting mean you can say it and both step back for a few minutes, calm down and regroup?
I’ll admit my FI gets on my nerves sometimes, but we don’t really ‘fight’ and never call each other names except when we’re joking. I don’t think anything more than that is a positive sign.
Post # 8
Well… the word “disgusted” is quite harsh, and you didn’t say how exactly he wronged you in the past… so it’s hard to say. Obviously no relationship is always perfect, and I think it’s normal to get some wedding jitters, but my advice would be to make sure you figure this stuff out before you’re legally binded.
Post # 9
@MerryWidow: +1. Great advice.
Post # 10
No, he’s annoyed the crap out of me or pissed me off, and sometimes I just have to leave the room cause I need to cool off, but I’ve never been truly “disgusted” with him.
Post # 11
I’ve been disgusted when he picks his toenails on the living room floor…lol but no as a person I do not think he is disgusting, and I would never be engaged to someone that I used that word to describe. You need to learn how to communicate and discuss issues without yelling and namecalling…that is just not mature. Tell him how you feel and that when you two disagree about something you want to be able to not resort to yelling and namecalling. I think that this can definitely be worked out in counseling if it is the only issue that you are having. Every couple has their issues, which is fine as long as you are willing and able to work through them.
Post # 12
You mean that slightly nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach that kind of seems to creep up your throat whenever he so much as enters the room?
I felt that towards exes.
Post # 13
I would never marry someone who called me names. Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it before it’s too late.
Post # 14
I think it’s perfectly healthy to recognize your partner’s flaws and love them in spite of those flaws, but I think feeling “disgusted” by your partner is a red flag that there is something very wrong in the relationship. If your feelings of disgust stem from the arguing and name-calling then it’s time for counselling. You both need to learn how to disagree without raising your voices and becoming intentionally hurtful.
Post # 15
My SO does not call me names/insult me when we argue. That’s below the belt. You should talk to him and make sure he knows he’s crossing the line.
Post # 16
No, I have never felt like that toward my FH. If he called me names or took a horrible attitude with me, we wouldn’t be engaged.
I’m not saying don’t marry the guy, but don’t marry the guy unless you resolve this. Learning to fight fairly and maturely is important, both for the sake of your relationship and for the sake of your child.
If “disgust” is the word that comes to mind for you, I would definitely think twice before walking down the aisle.