(Closed) Help! Fiance has two surnames!

posted 6 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What does your fiance think about this? Does he have both parents surnames as part of a cultural naming tradition or is this just something his family decided to do?  If it’s cultural, how is name changing after marriage (for the woman) usually done in his culture?  I think, despite the answers to any of my questions, changing your name is your decision and you can change it to anything you want to or not change it at all.  It’s your name!

Post # 5
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

And what do you want?  To take only his father’s name?  Do you want to keep your name and continue his culture’s tradition?

Post # 7
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I understand completely.  A lot of Mexican families here do the same thing with their names.  It can get complicated, but I always liked how you can kind of see a family tree through the progression of their names.  I think it’s a great way for both people to have their family names live on. 

So if I were you, what I would do is keep my name and continue his family’s cultural tradition of passing both names down to your children.  I would explain to him that I like the tradition and why.  And I would emphasize that his name will go on to our children in the same way that everyone’s children in his culture gets their name.  I’m sure once he understands it from that sort of perspective, he would be more receptive to the idea.  I know that my husband has this thing where he immediately rejects any idea that seems strange to him (as in not status-quo or normal or whatever) but once I explain my reasoning, and if it’s sound reasoning, he usually comes to my side on things. 

Post # 9
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@bzzzybee:  

Keep your own name.  I don’t understand this old tradition.  What a hassle.

Post # 10
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have my fathers and my mothers surname (as we all do in my country) and when we get married, while we keep or surname, it is common to be socially known as your first surname and then your husbands first.  Honestly, from a cultural point of view, it makes no sense for you to take them both… It is actually super weird.  But then again, it being culturally different doesn’t matter, what is really important here is that you don’t want to do it.  Stick to that and tell us to what compromise you arrive with your Fiance.  The best of luck!

Post # 14
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

In your situation I would suggest using your dads surname-his dads surname. He gets to partially keep the tradition and your children would have the same surname as you, therefore their mothers and fathers surnames combined, just like your Fiance. If you take both his surnames then you lose your cultural heritage as well, using his argument. 

This way he keeps his father-mother, you take your father-his father then your kids will get one from each of their parents. 

Post # 15
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Why don’t just keep your name in line with his country’s tradition?  Then you can name your kids Johnny [HisDadsLastName] [YourLastName].

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