@Hyperventilate: Thank you.
To all the negative commenters on here:
Here’s the thing – a piece of paper for the state means nothing to me, my future husband or my friends and family.
If you had hardships leading up to your marriage that had to do with immigration or military issues you might feel differently. If you had to be long-distance with your fiance for three years, stress about how to get him to your country to be together and then have to figure out green card papers while simultaneously plan your wedding, you might feel differently about what the “legal” definition of marriage is. If you experienced how difficult it is, firsthand, for two good, hardworking people to be together LEGALLY, you might feel differently about what the “real” marriage is – what happens in town hall or what happens among family and friends. There is no romance in signing a paper and being legally married, in my opinion.
The romance is in saying your vows in front of your loved ones, exchanging rings, spending all of your savings to throw the best party you’ve ever had because you love your husband and family more than anything. It is in having people there who truly care about you and don’t care about some license. Those people will not be thinking about themselves and whether or not they have been “deceived.” If so, shame on them and their selfishness. I can tell you, we have very elderly, very conservative family coming to our wedding, and they couldn’t give two hoots about the legal/social ceremony separation. Not everyone has the luxury of getting legally married and socially married on the same day, and that doesn’t mean we should be punished for it, nor does it mean we have to blare sirens and announce: WARNING. THIS IS NOT A REAL MARRIAGE. If people ask, I will happily tell them. Although I honestly cannot imagine anyone asking. I think it would be quite rude on his/her part.
We are getting “legally” married three days before our wedding. We are spending tens of thousands of dollars on our wedding reception and ceremony those three days later. We are not going to call it a vow renewal, three days after our ceremony. I would hope we would be able to stick to our vows for three days.
If people really want to see us legally get married, I suppose we can send out two invitations:
You’re invited! Come see us sign a paper in town hall. Bad coffee and non-dairy creamer included. This is the REAL marriage people!
You’re invited! Come see us say our vows in a beautiful garden, exchange rings, cry because we have worked so hard to be together, dance with friends and family, eat amazing food and drink delicious drinks. However, this is not “real.”
I think I know what the responses would be.
If people really wanted to see the biggest committment of our life then they would have had to be there when my fiance promised me he would come to my country, leave all of his friends and family behind and come live with me because he loves me more than anything. Honestly, that was a bigger committment than marriage. That, to us, was the big promise.
I have gay friends – some cannot legally be married in the states where they live. So were their wedding celebrations fake just because the state decided they were? I don’t think so.
In many countries people have to get legally married before the wedding celebration. No one feels duped.
If someone felt “deceived” because we were not getting legally married on our wedding day, I would seriously have to take a look at our relationship. If they did say something to that effect, I would first laugh, then probably be actually appalled. But like I said, no one who is coming to my wedding would ever think to care.
@lalalanne: Do what makes you happy. My situation is a little different because we are getting married a few days before the wedding, not a year, but my beliefs still stand. This is your marriage and your life – you don’t “have” to tell anyone you are legally married. But I’m sure if you do they won’t care because they love you. Just because society is set up in a way that makes it hard for you to get married legally and socially on the same day doesn’t make your wedding day any less of a wedding.
In all honesty, this was meant to be satirical. But that doesn’t make what I’ve said any less true to me. I am tired of people on this site bullying others and making them feel ashamed. Think about what you are really doing. Try to be happy for others instead of bringing them down.
I think I’ll stick to the fun boards. And with that, off to the dress regret posts…