(Closed) Help! Fiance's brothers girlfriend wants to be a bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
10030 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Tell her no.



Post # 17
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Yeah, no.  Just calmly explain that you’ve had your heart set on certain friends long before she even came into the picture.  Then give her a damn Xanax because she is being ridiculous. 

Post # 18
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Gee….what a way to make herself look like an awesome candidate for bridesmaid duties by showing her crazy 30 seconds after her Boyfriend or Best Friend was asked.  Way to sell yourself honey.  Sheesh. 

Don’t let it even affect you.  They may not be together next year for all you know, and frankly that doesn’t matter.  She’s not one of your dear friends.  This isn’t prom where she wants to play dress up with her Boyfriend or Best Friend as a date…this is your wedding.  Tell her you haven’t asked anyone yet, but it will be childhood friends, and that you hope she can be happy for you.  Her +1 invitation is contingent on her still dating your FI’s brother…so….let the chips fall where they may.  

Post # 19
12305 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

stephaniee24 :  This is not a sister in law. It’s a Girlfriend of nine months. My policy would be not to include SOs in the wedding party unless  they are engaged or married. If this person is upset by that, it’s her issue. I hope the brother knows what he’s dealing with. 

Post # 20
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

weddingmaven :  She’s not technically a sister in law I know. But some people do consider their siblings unmarried/engaged spouse in laws.

Post # 21
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree with other. NO, even if she was your SIL. Jeez.  But, to avoid her crazy becoming an issue, I like PP idea of giving her ‘special’ task for the day (reading, make sure all groomsmen arrive on time, getting ring bearer in line, help usher guests to seats, passing out tips to vendors for you…).  

Post # 22
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

She could always be a groomsmaid instead of a bridesmaid if your Fiance is cool with it. She has more connections to your Fiance at this point than you. You have no obligation to ask her.

Post # 23
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Darling Husband has been a groomsmen in two wedding where I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid. One wedding was for a couple we had been friends with for years (I was passed over in favour of her two sisters and her cousin), and the other was for my Brother-In-Law and SIL (passed over for her closest friends). Sure, I felt a TINY pang when I was passed over, but I would never even have DREAMED of saying something about it! 

She needs to get over herself!

Post # 24
59 posts
Worker bee

nlb023 :  Sounds like she is a brat and will try to make your entire wedding about her. I would steer clear of her as much as possible. 

Post # 25
46 posts
  • Wedding: January 2018

“No” and “Build a bridge”.

Post # 26
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Tell her no. Save yourself some sanity. This happened to me for my recent wedding, and I caved and let my now husband’s brother’s girlfriend be in the bridal party. I figured “hey, what can it hurt?” It was such a pain, and she threw a fit over not being able to walk with her boyfriend into the wedding and again when we walked into the reception.

Post # 27
6301 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

“You seem to have mistakenly sent me a message that should have gone to one of your friends, expressing your disappointment in not being invited to be a part of our wedding party. I’m sure you would never intend to assert to a bride that you are somehow owed a place as a bridesmaid when she does not know you well and you were not invited. I look forward to seeing you at the wedding and other future family events.”

Post # 28
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

“Hi Sue! Firstly, I’m beyond flattered with your interest in my wedding party! It’s great to know that you’d like us to be closer and spend more time together. I’m very sorry to say that I’d already picked my bridal party a long time ago and I can’t add someone else now. I hope we can take the time to get to know each other better from now on! Hugs.”


Oh yes, when she complains to her Boyfriend or Best Friend about you and he tries to appease her but sees your message it’ll be clear who is being a major sissy and unreasonable here. 

Post # 29
4533 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

nlb023 :  I’d just be blunt because she sounds crazy. I’d say sorry her feelings are hurt but you have friends that you have known for years that you wish to ask to be up there on the day with you. That you like her a lot based on the short time that you’ve known her and that you look forward to getting to know her better in the future and that you end up forming a great friendship and bond.

I’d also get fiancé to tell his brother about the text. Hopefully he will see it as a red flag that he is going out with an odd one!!

Post # 30
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Holy crap- she is so rude!!! You are NEVER obligated to pick anyone for your bridal party, especially some girl who isn’t even friend or family. I’d ignore her. Andrew is a best man because he’s the BROTHER and is super close. This girl really isn’t anything to you right now other than an occasional “hey, how are you” at family gatherings. Honestly, though- even if she was married to Andrew, it wouldn’t change things. Don’t feel bad at all, she should be ashamed for asking. Please don’t give into her! Also, think of this- they could break up and then you’re stuck with her in your photos forever.

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