(Closed) Help! Fiance's brothers girlfriend wants to be a bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - City, State

She’s rude and a cry baby. I can’t believe she’d assume you’d have her in your bridal party. Shes not your sister in law, and you barely know her. Please do not give into her…she’s already making your wedding all about her. What a nightmare.

Post # 32
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

nlb023 :  I wouldn’t respond to that at all. She’s being ridiculous. She doesn’t understand the difference between a man asking his brother to be a groomsman and a woman not asking her fiance’s brother’s girlfriend of less than a year to be a bridesmaid? That’s crazy and just because she said something silly doesn’t mean you have to respond to it. Clearly nothing you say will be acceptable anyway, because clearly she is not a rational person.

Post # 33
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

On the one hand, I agree with all the above poster who say she shouldn’t be allowed to boss you around at your wedding, and it’s quite presumptious to demand to be made a bridesmaid.

On the other hand, it’s altogether possible that she’ll end up being a member of your extended family, and you’ll sit across from her for the next 50 Thanksgivings, draw her name for gift exchanges for the next 50 Christmases, and exchange bags of baby clothes with her.  As such, it’s wise to try to maintain a civil relationship — even if she doesn’t.  It never hurts to take the high road and be the one with manners.

If I were in your shoes, I’d contact her and say this: 

Oh, my, you’ve caught me off guard!  To tell you the truth, I’m looking forward to asking “all my ladies” to do various jobs in a special way … and I’m not quite ready to “pop the question” to everyone just yet.  I have so many wonderful girlfriends whom I’ve known for so long — you know, my besties from high school who’ve been there for me for years — and they’re going to be the ones to stand up with me at the altar.  I’ve had you on my list of people upon whom I can depend, and I’ve been thinking of asking you to be in charge of the registery book /serve punch /manage the gift table /whatever other second rate job you think you could pawn off on her.  I’ll have my official “asks” ready in a couple weeks, and I’m so glad I can count on you for this task! 

This makes it look like you were already going to ask her to do SOMETHING, but it gets you off the hook for a bridesmaid slot … and it makes it clear to her that you have OLD FRIENDS in mind already.  Don’t acknowlege at all that she asked in a nasty way.  Again, you can never go wrong by being the one with more class. 

Post # 34
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Girl, no! Don’t let her guilt you into letting her be your bridesmaid. Your wedding, your choice! You really shouldn’t have to explain to her why you didn’t choose her but you could always tell her that you’ve decided who was going to be your bridesmaids long before y’all got engaged. She sounds creepy!

Post # 35
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Amyyy :  

This: “whatever other second rate job you think you could pawn off on her.”

≠ this: “take the high road and be the one with manners

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