(Closed) HELP! FMIL insists FSIL has role in wedding!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
148 posts
Blushing bee

Depending on your relationship with your brother, if your Future Sister-In-Law has a special role you probably need to assign a special job for your brother as well.  Could they both serve as special ushers or greeters?  Or perhaps they could escort a grandparent to their seat?  

Post # 5
747 posts
Busy bee

Wow.  Is this YOUR wedding or his frickin family’s wedding?  

That is super-pushy of your Future Mother-In-Law..you already told her flat-out no and she’s still giving you grief?  

Are they paying for this wedding?  Because otherwise I would find a way to politely but firmly let Future Mother-In-Law know that you and Fiance will be choosing the Bridal Party attendants by yourselves.  Family is never “guaranteed” spots.  

Sorry you’re dealing with such attitude!   

Post # 6
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think considering that your brother is also not given any specific other role, and you are only having one person each stand with you, the request is a little unreasonable (since you aren’t close to her). Does SHE actually want the special role too or just your FMIL?

I would suggest your brother and her act as ushers/greeters. Perhaps they could walk down the aisle together after your sister and FI’s friend do but then sit in the first row (not stand up there with you). This way they get some attention while walking down the aisle…?


Post # 7
747 posts
Busy bee

…and you know what else?  Similar to your setup – my only sibling, my 6-years-younger brother, was an usher.  DH’s only sibling, his younger brother, played the piano.  That’s it.  Our Bridal Party consisted of our friends from college.  No one pushed us on this, and everyone’s opinions were respected.

You shouldn’t have to put up with her attitude, and yes, she’s asking too much IMO!   

Post # 8
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would have Fiance talk to Future Sister-In-Law about this. Have him ask her what she wants to do. 

Post # 9
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

That’s silly!  At my brother’s wedding I was perfectly happy to sit in the front row, be in the family photos and leave it at that 🙂 … I did make the combined menu/programme for the reception simply because I was the only one in the family with any design skills but I certainly didn’t expect any other special role in the ceremony.  I don’t think FH’s sister is going to have a special role either.  She’s an awesome singer and I’d love to have her singing at some point but I get the vibe she doesn’t really want to do it for this one (she did sing at his cousin’s wedding but I think she thinks it’s just a bit close to home! lol).  I’d just tell Future Mother-In-Law where to stick it 😛

Post # 10
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@rubytuesday813:  I think a reading is a perfect role for sister of the groom or brother of the bride. (I did it at my brother’s wedding, and Kate Middleton’s brother did at her wedding). You have offered that. If she doesn’t want to, then too bad.

Your fiance, not you, should do the talking to his mother. He should say things like (a) it’s not traditional for opposite sex siblings to be in the bridal party (with Kate Middleton’s brother as an example); (b) you’re having a small wedding party and your brother isn’t in the wedding party either; (c) you’ve offered other roles; and (d) anyway, it’s your wedding.

Post # 12
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


your Fiance should be the one to talk to his mom,he needs to tell her you both decide how you want your day to go.if you say something to her it can/will cause hard feelings between you and you dont want that.

if she brings it up to you again you could tell her that you and Fiance are picking from your own side of family and that if she wants her daughter to be part in the wedding in anyway it will be up to Fiance to include her and she needs to talk to him about it and let it go from there♥

Post # 13
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your Future Mother-In-Law wants your Future Sister-In-Law involved in the ceremony – you offered Future Sister-In-Law some roles to do (MC, reading, etc.) and she refused. Problem solved! You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate your Future Sister-In-Law when she doesn’t seem to want to be involved anyway.

As for Future Sister-In-Law giving the groom away – I’ve never heard of the groom being given away! So…when in the ceremony would that happen? Before you walk down the aisle? After you have been given to him? Also, if he should be given away, wouldn’t that role be better filled by a parent or someone who raised him (just like the bride being given away)?

I think you should ask you fiance how he feels about being given away – if he doesn’t want to do it, then next time your Future Mother-In-Law brings it up just say “We offered her a part doing XYZ and she didn’t want to. If she changes her mind, then she can let us know.”

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