Post # 1
My FH and I have been together for 6 years, and although his sister and I get along fine we have never been close. We are having a simple ceremony with only one person standing with each of us. I’ve chosen my sister and FH has chosen a close friend, I have one other sibling (a brother) who doesn’t have a special role in our ceremony and he has one sister. His mother has informed me that she thinks his sister should be standing in the ceremony, to which we responded with a no. We agree that we could find a role for her, but she does not want to do a reading, the toast for the groom, or MC. Now Future Mother-In-Law says she thinks Future Sister-In-Law should WALK MY FH DOWN THE ISLE. Seriously. I had opted not to have any kids involved in the ceremony, despite the fact that our daughter will be 10 months old at the time, but offered for Future Sister-In-Law to oversee while her son hands out the programs. I thought this would be a olive branch, he is only 2, but that doesn’t really seem to count for anything. I should add that we are having an evening ceremony going right into a reception at a single venue. Any suggestions on a role? I don’t think I am being unreasonable here but some perspective would be welcome!
Post # 3
Depending on your relationship with your brother, if your Future Sister-In-Law has a special role you probably need to assign a special job for your brother as well. Could they both serve as special ushers or greeters? Or perhaps they could escort a grandparent to their seat?
Post # 4
I’m really close with my brother, he is 7 years younger and wondefully easy going. I really don’t see why Future Sister-In-Law needs to do something special. She will be seated with the family and her (along with her bf and son) will be included in family photos of course. But Future Mother-In-Law does not think this is “special enough”. My brother may do a reading, or maybe play the fiddle, but neither him nor my mom insist on him having any special role. I just think Future Mother-In-Law is asking too much.
Post # 5
Wow. Is this YOUR wedding or his frickin family’s wedding?
That is super-pushy of your Future Mother-In-Law..you already told her flat-out no and she’s still giving you grief?
Are they paying for this wedding? Because otherwise I would find a way to politely but firmly let Future Mother-In-Law know that you and Fiance will be choosing the Bridal Party attendants by yourselves. Family is never “guaranteed” spots.
Sorry you’re dealing with such attitude!
Post # 6
I think considering that your brother is also not given any specific other role, and you are only having one person each stand with you, the request is a little unreasonable (since you aren’t close to her). Does SHE actually want the special role too or just your FMIL?
I would suggest your brother and her act as ushers/greeters. Perhaps they could walk down the aisle together after your sister and FI’s friend do but then sit in the first row (not stand up there with you). This way they get some attention while walking down the aisle…?
Post # 7
…and you know what else? Similar to your setup – my only sibling, my 6-years-younger brother, was an usher. DH’s only sibling, his younger brother, played the piano. That’s it. Our Bridal Party consisted of our friends from college. No one pushed us on this, and everyone’s opinions were respected.
You shouldn’t have to put up with her attitude, and yes, she’s asking too much IMO!
Post # 8
I would have Fiance talk to Future Sister-In-Law about this. Have him ask her what she wants to do.
Post # 9
That’s silly! At my brother’s wedding I was perfectly happy to sit in the front row, be in the family photos and leave it at that 🙂 … I did make the combined menu/programme for the reception simply because I was the only one in the family with any design skills but I certainly didn’t expect any other special role in the ceremony. I don’t think FH’s sister is going to have a special role either. She’s an awesome singer and I’d love to have her singing at some point but I get the vibe she doesn’t really want to do it for this one (she did sing at his cousin’s wedding but I think she thinks it’s just a bit close to home! lol). I’d just tell Future Mother-In-Law where to stick it 😛
Post # 10
@rubytuesday813: I think a reading is a perfect role for sister of the groom or brother of the bride. (I did it at my brother’s wedding, and Kate Middleton’s brother did at her wedding). You have offered that. If she doesn’t want to, then too bad.
Your fiance, not you, should do the talking to his mother. He should say things like (a) it’s not traditional for opposite sex siblings to be in the bridal party (with Kate Middleton’s brother as an example); (b) you’re having a small wedding party and your brother isn’t in the wedding party either; (c) you’ve offered other roles; and (d) anyway, it’s your wedding.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! I sometimes second guess whether or not I am being unreasonable. I think the suggestion of having them as ushers is a great one, but we are doing photos before our ceremony, since it is at 7pm and don’t want our guests left waiting. So they will both be with us for family photos ahead of time. She was not impressed when I suggested her daughter do a reading or give a toast, she wants her to stand with him or give him away. I told her that I have never heard of the groom’s sister walking him down the isle, but she really has her back up about it. This is gearing up to be our first real fight and I want to make sure I’m not being part of the problem when I make my stand.
Oh, and she is giving a small but greatly appriciated contribution to the wedding. My side is the main financer, but also has greater means.
Post # 12
your Fiance should be the one to talk to his mom,he needs to tell her you both decide how you want your day to go.if you say something to her it can/will cause hard feelings between you and you dont want that.
if she brings it up to you again you could tell her that you and Fiance are picking from your own side of family and that if she wants her daughter to be part in the wedding in anyway it will be up to Fiance to include her and she needs to talk to him about it and let it go from there♥
Post # 13
Your Future Mother-In-Law wants your Future Sister-In-Law involved in the ceremony – you offered Future Sister-In-Law some roles to do (MC, reading, etc.) and she refused. Problem solved! You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards to accommodate your Future Sister-In-Law when she doesn’t seem to want to be involved anyway.
As for Future Sister-In-Law giving the groom away – I’ve never heard of the groom being given away! So…when in the ceremony would that happen? Before you walk down the aisle? After you have been given to him? Also, if he should be given away, wouldn’t that role be better filled by a parent or someone who raised him (just like the bride being given away)?
I think you should ask you fiance how he feels about being given away – if he doesn’t want to do it, then next time your Future Mother-In-Law brings it up just say “We offered her a part doing XYZ and she didn’t want to. If she changes her mind, then she can let us know.”
Post # 14
I wasn’t sure how I felt about airing all this out via messge board, but it has really helped. I really wanted to elope, just the two of us, and stay away for a few days after. But she was so strongly opposed to the idea that I’ve given in and agreed to a small ceremony here. We’ve been living together for 5 years and have a found out we were expecting two months after our engagement. I really feel we are aleady married and doing something private tht gve us a week vacation would have been so wonderful.
I don’t think I will regert having a small ceremony/reception at home (hopefully we will do a anniversary trip next year) but I’d like to do it without a lot of fuss!