(Closed) Help for a sister Bee

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First off, hugs, this is such a hard situation.  I work in the social services world and I wonder if there are any agencies, organizations, or individual professionals that your sister might be open to talking to?  Leaving a relationship that has elements of abuse is difficult.  She will need all the support she can get.  If she’s not open to talking to someone I would encourage you to call one of those agencies and see if they can provide you with some ideas, suggestions, or support.  Something like this doesn’t just have an impact on your sister, it impacts you all.  PM me if you need any other help!  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@EmilyJoy:  This is such a hard situation and I’m so sorry you and your family are having to go through this. Honestly though the more you and your parents push her to not marry him the more control he will have over your sister. You will be the bad guys and it will drive her further away from you. I agree with the PP above that maybe their is an organization you can get her involved in. Does she work or go to school? Have any of her friends seen this abusive behavior? I hope your sister finds the strength to leave this abusive relationship.

Post # 7
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would do a two prong approach. One–I would leave pamphlets, articles and books around her place about being in an abusive relationship. One book that comes to mind is “the gift of fear”. Two- I would stop telling her to leave him. I would ask her about what she loves about him. How he makes her feel. What is she afraid of if things didn’t work out.  I would tell your parents to not support the relationship, but don’t put him down. Keep telling her how she’s an adult and she old enough to make her own decisions. If she complains about some sh*tty thing he’s done, you just remind her that this is the relationship she’s choosen and when she’s tired enough, she has the power to make another decision.

Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KoiKove:  

 

I love the pamphlet idea but don’t leave them around where he can find them! The LAST thing she needs is something upsetting him when they’re not in public and he can do anything he wants to her!

Post # 10
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Spade504:  +1. She has to be the one to make the decision to leave him. The best you can do is to let her know you’ll be there to support her decision if or when she decides to leave him. I’m sorry she, you, and your family are going through this. 

Post # 12
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Tell her if she doesn’t marry him, she can still have a big party or maybe a nice vacation. Give her some incentive for not marrying him. When she tells you she is with him because they have fun together, ask her if she thinks that’s enough to last for forever. Ask her whether they will be good once it stops being fun- will he be able to handle serious illness, job lose, parents death, etc. she’s just thinking about the good times, gently ask her to think about the bad times. 

Post # 13
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@EmilyJoy:  I don’t know enough about abusive relationships to give very constructive advice but I would suggest just showering her with love. I can imagine that he berates and belittles her a lot and I think she needs to recognize what she’s worth. I have a friend who has been with this total asshole for years. he tells her he loves her and wants to marry her all while he lives with another woman. my friend and this other woman know about one another and simply ignore each other. His other girlfriend is even trying to get pregnant. He’s that manipulative. My friend knows it’s a messed up and unhealthy relationship but she also believes that she doesn’t deserve better. she once asked me if when meeting someone new, did I ever worry that when they got to know me they’d realize I wasn’t good enough. it struck me as one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. she’s a beautiful,smart, witty woman with such a light to her and he’s sowly dimming it. tell your sister how much she is worth and why she deserves happiness. tell her that all relationships have problems but only toxic relationships have fear. she deserves to never be afraid of her partner. best of luck to all of you. I have two sisters and I can’t imagine the heartache I’d feel if one of them was in this position. 

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