(Closed) Help for my friends wedding drama – LONG :(

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

How close are they? This may sound harsh but as the bride, I would ask her to step down as Bridesmaid or Best Man because it sounds like she really doesnt want to be in it anyway and isnt supporting the bride. Some people just like the idea of being in a wedding, not being in it to share in a huge life event for a friend. Yes, the bride has been difficult but the Bridesmaid or Best Man isnt making it any easier. I can see the bride’s side more than the BM’s, although the bride should have handled it a lot better with the issues like being snarky about dresses and such.

As the bride, I would tell her that maybe she should step down because it’s obviously too much pressure for her but tell her that she is still invited to the wedding (minus the date) and that she hopes that this wont damage their friendship. Sometimes, this can be a dealbreaker for friendships but you know its funny, sometimes you really find out who your friends are in situations like this. Ive gone through this, as well as one of my BMs who is getting married and it sucks but this is your wedding day and this kind of stress and people acting like this are not needed.

Hope this helps!

Post # 5
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

O that does make it a little more complicated! Yikes! But you know, I wouldnt keep in her in my wedding just for that sake, sorry. Yes, she can talk to her mom but it honestly doesnt sound like it will get too much better. Gosh I sounds jaded lol.

Sorry for your friend! O and I noticed that we are date twins, yay!!

Post # 6
2640 posts
Sugar bee

To be honest, I think the bride is sounding more difficult than the Bridesmaid or Best Man.

1. Assigned dresses -Not sure if that’s all the same dress or different dresses she just gave to people.  But that was wrong.  I mean they’re not even the right sizes. So the BMs might have to pay more for alterations than they would have, otherwise.  Also, I think it’s kind of rude to just select your Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, without considering how it will look on your BMs. 

2.  “Suck it up or don’t be in the wedding“?  Uh that’s not being very understanding and reasonable.  Maybe the BMs had some valid points.

3.  Bridesmaid or Best Man7 can’t bring a guest.  Does this mean that none of the BMs got guests, or just Bridesmaid or Best Man7?  It sounded a little like it was just her.  If that is the case, it was pretty unfair.  If the bride has an issue with sketchy guy, she could just address that particular guest with Bridesmaid or Best Man7, not keep her from bringing any guest.

4. Hair up/black peep toe pumps.  I know some brides do these, but IMO, think brides should really keep the requirements to a minimum.  What if a Bridesmaid or Best Man has a hard time in certain types of shoes?  Or hates their toes? What if an updo is a bad idea for some girls?  Some girls have big ears or back acne, and would feel self conscious.  Why can’t she just give looser requirements for hair?  Maybe just say black shoes, instead of peep toe pumps.   And let them feel comfortable, feel good about themselves, and have a little individuality.

5.  She’s not willing to bend on all the other things….  I think this just adds to my feeling that she’s being a little bridezilla-y.  Lots of brides have to bend a little to accommodate the other people in their bridal party. 

I agree that BM7 shouldn’t be asking to be Maid/Matron of Honor.  That’s rude.  And I don’t think I could go for the gladiator shoe.  (I think it’s OK to veto something that doesn’t go well with the dress or formality of the event.)  I also, think it’s OK for the bride to let Bridesmaid or Best Man7 know that sketchy guy would bring too many problems at the reception, especially being another BM’s ex.  But maybe she can bring someone else instead.

I don’t know how ridiculous Bridesmaid or Best Man7 is.  For so many people to dislike her is hard to ignore.  She might pick up on other people’s feelings, and be lashing  out a bit accordingly.  It has to be hard to be in a wedding where no one really likes you.  I can’t get my brain wrapped around if the bride even likes her.  But the bride asked her.  So everyone should try to give this a fair shake.

Post # 7
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think I’m going to agree with Tanya 123 on this one… although it does sound like Bridesmaid or Best Man7 is being a bit difficult, it sounds more like the bride is being difficult and making it harder for someone who may have a bit less tact, to find safe and appropritae ways to tell bride that she is being a bit unreasonable.  I would be incredibly uncomfortable in peep toe pumps (hello blisters on my toes!!)), with my hair up (ummm HUGE ears) and with being told that if I didnt want to do those things, get out of the wedding party.  A bridemaid is meant to be someone you love and trust that you want standing beside you for one of the most important moments in your life, and if they are not comfortbale, you should try to find some kind of compromise to make them comfortable but within your hopes for the day.  It’s really unfair to allow everyone else to bring a guest, but not her… singling out is not an easy way to manage!

Post # 8
990 posts
Busy bee

I second the agreement with Tanya…

Thats entirely too many demands and this broad is starting to sound like a Bridezilla

Post # 9
179 posts
Blushing bee

It was totally unfair of her to demand that they wear a dress of her chosing w/o their consultation, esp. if they are paying for the dresses themselves. Just reading the story it sounds like she’s being unfair overall to Bridesmaid or Best Man7… even if Bridesmaid or Best Man7 is acting out a little (but w/reason might I add). I almost makes me want to say, “Off with their heads!”

The bride needs to be a bit more understanding of Bridesmaid or Best Man7 and if she does have some issues with Bridesmaid or Best Man7 she should kindly reason with her and figure out a compromise instead of imposing ultimatums. Nothing will be accomplished if she can’t be more flexible with her attitude and demands.

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