(Closed) Help for the white gal

posted 9 years ago in East Asian
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I think you should ask your fiance if it is important to him. Talk to him (and maybe even his family) and find out what some traditions are that they would like to incorporate into the wedding. You may find out that there are certain things that mean alot to them, and some things that they really don’t care to include!

Post # 5
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Hi…i’m chinese (and hubby is half) we just got married last weekend and incorporated some chinese and some western traditions.  We did the morning tea ceremony (i wore a qua), his family brought over a roast pig, cakes, tons of other stuff, then we went ot his place and repeated – bringing back other stuff.  then had a western ceremony and reception with a change into a chinese cheong sam. 

Even between my mom, his mom and aunties organizing everything – there was alot of variation in terms of the items brought to the house, the order of tea, when to kneel, when not to kneel, etc.  I agree w/ amanda, you should check w/ your fiance and his family to see what’s important to them and what’s not. 

general things….blue and black are not good colors (tho my colors were blue and brown…. i just liked the combo), red and gold are good.  Generally speaking white’s not a good color either, but nowadays it’s acceptable to wear a white dress and have all the white wedding related things around.  it’s a big no-no to break anything.  if you’re doing the tea ceremony, make sure you serve the tea and receive the red envelopes with both hands. 

I’m sure if you ask his family what traditions they honor, they will be open with you.

Check these out for more info….although it traditionally is a long drawn out process, most of these are shortened or condensed. 

http://www.chinabridal.com/etiquette.htm

http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/index.html

good luck!

Post # 6
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would definitely take the lead from his family.  Your lack of knowledge on the subject is the perfect way to endear yourself to his mom (even more than you already are).  She will love walking you through the traditions, and together you can figure out how to best integrate them!

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think i read somewhere here that a pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man was bad, red is good and the number 8 is very very lucky 

JoesWifey is married to an asian man (not sure if hes chinese though) so maybe she might have some hints later on

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m sorry about that Eureka.  I didn’t mean to make an assumption.  I’m glad that his aunt is approachable and can help!

Post # 11
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think black bridesmaid dresses are beautiful, but you might want to consult his aunt to see if the older generations will be offended.  I would also avoid using white lanterns in decorations as they are usually used in funerals.  Also, avoid writing names in red as that is done for the deceased.  My family is very superstitious so there are certain things they do not want me to do, for example:

-wearing white in my hair (aside from the veil) since wearing white headpieces usually signifies mourning for the deceased. 

-we couldn’t get married in the lunar months of July, there is some ghost holiday (7/14) where the doors to hell open, or April, because of the Ching Ming Festival.  Nor could we get married in the lunar months that fall on our parents’ birthdays (something about bad luck).

-Have invitations with a background that is all white.  They want to incorporate red and gold into the background.

-invite women that are pregnant, invite people that have recently experienced a death in the family, or invite people that are getting married around our date.

We also *had* to invite children to our wedding, even though our wedding will be western, since children are always welcomed to Chinese weddings and their parents would be offended.  As a result we will have 20 children at our wedding Foot in mouth

 

Post # 12
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m Chinese and my husband is half Chinese/half Caucasian. Like other posters have said, it depends on how traditional and/or superstitious his family is. In my case, neither set of parents (nor DH’s Chinese grandparents) were particularly concerned with traditions like lucky numbers (8 is good, 4 is bad) or dis/allowing guests who’ve recently had a death in the family. I didn’t change into a qua or cheongsam for the reception, but we did do a streamlined version of the tea ceremony after the cake cutting.

I would say the biggest thing to keep in mind is just showing respect for your FI’s parents and other elders of the family. It sounds old-fashioned, but even my parents, who have been in the U.S. for 30+ years and are pretty well assimilated, still hold these cultural norms very dearly. One example of this is making sure you address your FI’s parents respectfully. My mom, for example, doesn’t like younger folks calling her by her first name.

Post # 15
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would definitely ask his father whether or not there are traditions that he would like to adhere to

Post # 16
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hi Eureka, I would show his aunt a picture of the gardenia to see if it’d be okay for you to wear it for the wedding.  Some families aren’t as superstitious as others…  If his aunt gives you the green light to wear it then by all means 🙂  I think I’ll be able to work around some of the superstitions.  For example, my mom said I could wear a white flower is there are hints of red or pink in it. 

Also, there are different customs in different parts of the country so what I have listed are common in the Guangdong providence. 

The superstition about pregnant women is that you should not have anyone carrying a child in their womb at the wedding.  Something about the luck clashing and one person will steal the other person’s luck.  Again, this might be something your fiance’s family does not observe.  Since your friend will have delivered by the time you wedding rolls around I think it’ll be fine. 

I would consult your fiance’s aunt about the cousin with the destination wedding.  You should be okay if she’s okay with inviting them 🙂

Good luck with the planning!  It’s really great that you are being proactive about learning the culture.  I hope you’ll find this board useful!  Update us on what customs you ultimately decide to go with.

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