(Closed) Help! Friend just lost their spouse…how to address invite?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Does Brian know a lot of other people at the wedding?  If so.. just address it to him.  If he doesn’t know anyone.. I would suggest giving him a guest.  And then following up with a phone call that you know he’s going through a really hard time and you just wanted him to have the option of bringing along someone he knows (even just a buddy of his).

Post # 4
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Fiance had a cousin who recently lost his wife as well. We invited him with a guest. He RSVP’d only for himself. I felt weird doing it, but my Future Mother-In-Law and Fiance told me to do it that way, so I did. I don’t know whats right here, just letting you know how we handled it.

Post # 5
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hmmm… this is a tough one. I would invite him with a guest just in case he would like to bring a friends, siblings, etc. for moral support. But if the bride is close with Brian then she should probably talk to him personally and explain that she invited him with a guest because she wanted him to know that he could bring someone if he would feel more comfortable but not in any way to imply that the bride forgot about his late wife.

Post # 6
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

yeah i would add a guest, that way it is his option. even though his spouse has passed, that doesnt mean he doesnt have any other person he can bring with him

Post # 7
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly?  I would invite him alone, and follow up with a phone call saying he’s more than welcome to bring someone with him.  Addressing it to “and guest” just makes it very obvious that there should be another name there and isn’t.

Post # 8
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Im with @starrynight. A phone call after the invites go out to let him know he can bring a guest is a good idea and then just have his name on the actual invitation 

Post # 9
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Starrynight. My Aunt’s husband just passed tragically in a motorcycle accident. We quickly changed her invitation to be just for her – but called to let her know she was welcome to bring someone. I wouldn’t give the & Guest on the invite.

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Definitely think “And Guest” could be hurtful to someone who’s just lost their spouse (since it would be a reminder she’s not there). I’d just address it to him.

Post # 11
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

You still have quite a bit of time before you need to send the invitations out. I would give it a year and then talk to him and ask him if he would like to bring a guest at that time. Right now, he is still hurting, so your wedding is probably the last thing he wants to think about.

Post # 12
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with a lot of folks. If there is a significant amount of time before the wedding, just wait and see how he feels.  If it is soon, just address it to him and let him know he is welcome to bring a guest (even if it’s a drinking buddy).

My Future Mother-In-Law has the same situation. We are addressing the invite to the husband and his two adult, single children.  We normally wouldn’t have invited his kids but under the circumstances…

Your friend probably wants to celebrate the wedding, but going to a function like that so soon after losing a spouse is really painful…

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