(Closed) Help! Future MIL doesn't like my bridesmaid choices

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Rhopalocera:  Even if she is paying, she doesn’t get a say in the Bridal Party. 

OP, honestly, do what you want and jut don’t talk about it.

Post # 17
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a 4 time MOB who LOVES to see mixed gendered BPs.  My 2 best friends are guys!

I would google some pictures of mixed gendered bridal parties, show her that this is far more common than she realizes and then I would tell her the discussion is closed and you will not speak to her about it again.  If she brings it up, leave or end the phone call.  EVERY TIME.  She will get the hint sooner or later.  Stand your ground.

Post # 18
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

coffeedrinker:  In my opinion, someone who foots the bill does get a say in these matters. They don’t get to overrule the bride and the groom, but they do get a say. 

If you don’t agree, that’s fine. 

Post # 19
Member
6526 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

jessicamullersdayoff:  Rhopalocera:  even if they were paying for the wedding, they have no say in the wedding party. they have no right to dictate who can and can’t stand up there with them. the Future Mother-In-Law has no idea how much James means to the bride. 

You should have whoever you want up there. Regardless of what you Future Mother-In-Law thinks. Its not her wedding day. THe wedding party should consist of the people closest to the bride and groom. <br />Ignore her. 

Post # 20
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

Daizy914:  If you don’t agree, that’s fine.

Post # 21
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

jessicamullersdayoff:  I have a bridesman!!  Everything thinks it’s a great idea, though…

Whether she’s paying or not, this is not remotely her decision and she shouldn’t even have an opinion on it! 

My honest reaction to the title of your post was, “TOO DAMN BAD!”  If she brings it up, change the subject.  Never mention it to her.  Don’t involve her in YOUR wedding party.  Just awful!  What does your Fiance say?

FYI if you want suggestions in dressing your bridesman, let me know!  I finally got a gameplan in place for my guy!  

 

Post # 22
Member
6526 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Rhopalocera:  so let me ask you this, lets just say that your in-laws were paying for the wedding, and they told you that they want your Future Sister-In-Law or a cousin in law who you cannot stand in the wedding party, you would be ok with that? 

Post # 23
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Actually I just remembered my Maid/Matron of Honor made a comment about my bridesman this weekend.  We were drinking, so I kind of forgot about it but something to the effect of why isn’t he on my FI’s side.  Um, b/c he’s my best friend, not his?  We have a small bridal party of 3 and 3, so it wasn’t every Tom, Dick and Sally we know plus cousins and sisters and brothers etc. 

Meanwhile, she had her husband’s best female friend as her bridesmaid…and she didn’t even like her!!

Now tel me which makes more sense! 

Post # 24
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

Daizy914:  The answer to your question is in my response to CoffeeDrinker.  

Again, if you don’t agree, that’s fine.

Post # 25
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ll just say – its 2014. You might change your mind by 2016 (believe me, you’ll change our mind on a lot of things – and that’s totally okay). I would honestly not ask anyone to be in your wedding party yet, as relationships might change and you don’t want to get locked into something now. I would just tell Future Mother-In-Law that you guys have a long time to go and will make decisions when you get a little closer. And then shut the topic down.

Post # 26
Member
6526 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Rhopalocera:  that answer doesn’t answer my question.

and you don’t have to answer bc by you refusing to respond is answer enough. 

You know deep down that you wouldn’t put someone in your Bridal Party that you didn’t like just bc someone is paying for the wedding. 

Post # 28
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

Daizy914:  Normally I wouldn’t continue to respond, but there seems to be a misunderstanding, and I think I know how to correct it… 

I said that I believe the person footing the bill for a wedding gets to ‘have a say’. When one gets to have a ‘say’ they are getting to voice their opinion. Here’s the definition: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/say

I’m simply saying that someone who pays for a wedding gets to say their opinion, and if someone isn’t paying for a wedding, they don’t get to say their opinion and it certainly doesn’t need to be considered. 

My answer to CoffeeDrinker did answer your question, and here’s how: it said, basically, that the person who pays gets to state their opinion, but they don’t get to overrule the bride and groom. So my answer to your question is that I would listen to my in laws’ opinion, but I wouldn’t go with their idea.

If the person footing the bill for a wedding is really against a bride and groom’s plans for their wedding, they get to stop paying for it, but they don’t get to dictate how the day goes. 

So, that’s all cleared up, and I won’t respond to you again. If you don’t agree with me, that’s ok. I’m not trying to change your mind. 

Post # 30
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Rhopalocera:  Sure that’s your opinion but it’s wrong. Miss Manners clearly states in her etiquette book that the footer of the bill isn’t entitled to dictate the wedding. Money doesn’t equal say. 

The topic ‘Help! Future MIL doesn't like my bridesmaid choices’ is closed to new replies.

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