(Closed) Help! Future MIL doesn't like my bridesmaid choices

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 31
6526 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Rhopalocera:  I appreciate your response but I don’t appreciate your condescending attitude.<br /><br /><br />

Post # 32
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  I am not saying what you are doing is wrong.. I fully support it 100%. But I do understand slightly where your future Mother-In-Law is coming from. We all worry about what people might think in this world and some traditional people may be put off by it… I would just sit down with your Mother-In-Law and tell her you understand her feelings but it is your wedding and this is the way you have imagined it. Hopefully she will back down and get over it!

Post # 33
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  I would politely tell her that this is the decision you and your Fiance have come to and it is not up for negotiation. I always (sarcastically) tell people that if they want to have an opinion about the wedding or about our choices, they need to donate $50 into the wedding fund. Only then will their opinions and suggestions be wholeheartedly welcomed. Otherwise, they are asked to please keep negative thoughts and opinions to themselves. 

Post # 35
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

jessicamullersdayoff:  all i read was your title before i knew my answer, and now even after reading your post i still think the same: “SO?”

it’s not her wedding, it’s not her bridal party, and it’s not her decision. the end. you and Fiance need to be united and when she brings it up — cause you know she will — just tell her nicely that this is the decision you’ve made, and you’re excited to celebrate with all of them at the wedding. then change the subject. she can’t make you change it. even if she’s annoying as all get out between now and the wedding day just stand your ground!

Post # 36
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Your wedding…your wedding party…your choice! So many people have opinions on how things should be done at wedding, you can’t please everyone!

Post # 37
338 posts
Helper bee

I am in the camp of even if you’re paying you don’t get exectutive control over evertyhing, ESPECIALLY not the bridal party/groomsmen. If you’re paying for flowers, you can have input, not final say. If you’re paying for the dress, you can have input, not final say. If you think that you get to choose what you pay for completely for someone elses wedding, then you’re not offering to pay out of kindness anyway, you’re using money to be manipulative and controlling. You get to be involved, not the one with executive control. and even if you are in the camp that $ makes you the ultimate decider, you STILL don’t get to choose who the important people standing up with the bride and groom are. 


as to having him wear something different, maybe his tie/boutineer could match your bridesmaid’s dresses? Are the groomsmen wearing standard black or are they matching them too? This is such a cool idea by the way! my best friend in the world is a guy and while i wouldn’t want to saddle him with the girly and sometimes demanding job of Maid/Matron of Honor, i definitely want him in the bridal party. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is Bisexual and if he wanted to wear a dress, that’d be a-okay by me too! He’s not a cross dresser and he wouldn’t anyway, but still, a Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t get to dictate that stuff. Only the bride/groom do. and that’s cool that your FI’s sister will even out the gender imbalance on each side. If i end up marrying my current Boyfriend or Best Friend, he has a close female friend that might be able to fill our bridal party out similarly. 


Post # 38
260 posts
Helper bee

Tinatiny1:  exactly!  


“this isn’t up for discussion.”

Post # 39
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Cool story, Mother-In-Law.

Seriously, she’s said her piece, you’ve undoubtedly given it the consideration it deserved (none), and you’ve made your decision. This is not a democracy.

Post # 40
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

coffeedrinker:  I need to get my mom a copy of that book. ASAP. 

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