Post # 1
My Fiance and I dated for 3 years before our engagment and we have gotten really close to each others families. His mom and I talk, hang out, and genuinely enjoy each others company quite often. She was never any problem to me; she was nothing but fun, sweet, caring, and down-to-earth. Then the second we got engaged she began saying some very rude things, in fact she started drama the evening of our engagment when our families and friends were all celebrating together. It’s been about 2 months since our engagement and everything she says is critisizing my family, my friends, me, and my ideas for our wedding. To make matters worse, when my mom approached her to ask what she wanted to be involved with during this planning process she said nothing, she wanted to stay out of it completly! My Fiance and I are able to talk any problems out but every time I bring a problem up about his mom he thinks she miscommunicated or he gets upset that she and I will loose our close relationship. My Fiance and I have actually gotten in more fights/arugments about his mom the past 2 months than we have about anything in the past 3 years. It’s extremely frustrating and I don’t know how to deal with this for the rest of our engagement not to mention the rest of my life!!!! If anyone has any advice/words of wisdom I will be eternally grateful.
Post # 2
Your fiance should not be getting upset. Ask him to talk to his mom and let her know how you are feeling and that you are confused as to why she is treating you this way. Once he puts the bug in her ear, she will likely contact you and you should be able to sit down with her and talk everything out if you were as close as you stated. I think he is key though because I do not think its ok to apprach the mom on your own. You need his support and you need him to understand that you want to keep the relationship between you two untainted. There is a reason she is acting this way and he needs to get to the bottom of it without throwing you under the bus with his mom.
Post # 3
If you have always been close with her is there a chance you could bring it up with her?
Post # 4
It’s possible that she is threatened by the permanence of your relationship with her son now in a way that she never was before you were engaged. The important thing to remember though is that this is HER problem Not yours.
You can’t force someone to be friendly towards you, you can only make sure that you are always friendly and respectful towards her. Eventually she will either realize that she’s being silly or she won’t, but I would advocate for being politely distant and not continually bringing it up to your Fiance since he is aware of the issue and doesn’t seem inclined to address it. Besides, if she really has decided that she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, putting your Fiance in the middle could make it worse.
If he brings her up, I would be polite, but quickly change the subject to more neutral territory and while I’m not saying that you should be anything but kind, I’d just treat her as I would anyone else who didn’t like me, I’d acknowledge her, but not seek her company.