Post # 1
Good morning! I have really been wrestling with this and would desperately need some advice. I recently became engaged to my best friend a few weeks ago. I am going over my guest list with him and I just honestly can’t stomach inviting his brother’s wife. She has treated me so poorly most of the time and even caused major drama within the family over our relationship. She has attacked me, blown up on me, talked badly about me to my fiance, and it has just been horrendous. She has even used her daughter to maniuplate the entire family. It is just awful and I honestly can’t stand the thought of her at my wedding. I don’t mind his brother but I understand that I just can’t invite him without his family. I would love some advice 🙂 I have tried to work it out with her and she has made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me. I know it won’t set easy with his family which is why I am worried. I know they will look at me as the bad guy for not inviting her but honestly the situation is just too fragile. Please help me fellow bees.
Post # 3
You have to invite her, but if she’s that obnoxious maybe she won’t come.
Post # 4
On your wedding day there are going to be other people there that you can hang out with. I doubt you will see much of her.
Post # 5
Unfortunately your choices boil down to “be the bigger person and invite her” or “elope.”
It’s important to remember not to think of it as “my” wedding, but rather “our wedding” – and she’s unavoidably part of your FI’s family.
Post # 6
I agree with the other bees- I don’t see any way that you can not invite her.
Post # 7
If you plan on following etiquette you have to invite her, but there are ways around being near her every minute of your day.
You don’t have to invite her to any of the pre wedding parties, no bridal shower, no bachelorette, and you could even make your rehearsal strictly wedding party, parents and grandparents so she won’t be invited.
The wedding day you can tell your bridesmaids to keep her as far away from you as possible, tell them not to let her in when you are getting ready, not to let her in the bridal suite when you getting refreshed before the reception and so forth. You can also place her table far back so you don’t have to sit anywhere near her.
If it makes you feel any better, I do not like my husband’s brother in law. I think he is fake and gross. I was so busy that I only noticed him once or twice. You will be so happy that day that you won’t notice her anymore than in passing. Good luck!
Post # 8
You have to invite her. With hopes she wont come. Be the bigger person
Post # 9
I am so sorry you have to deal with someone like that. I was in a similar situation. Unfortunately you have to invite her. Just remember there will be a lot of other people there so you won’t really have to interact with her very much. Good Luck!!
Post # 10
@andylynnb: I agree with a PP. Invite her to the wedding only. No showers, no bachelorette parties ect.
At the wedding, assign someone to ‘watch’ her and make sure she does not bother you when you are dressing and at the reception.
Post # 11
There’s not a way to leave her off the invitation without causing major drama – and you’d look like the one at fault since it IS incredibly rude to invite a husband, but not his wife.
I know this sucks, I was in a really similar sitiuation and couldn’t stand the thought of my BIL’s (then) Fiance at our wedding. Mother-In-Law told me not to worry, she was too self-centered to come. But she did come to the wedding, and I was in knots about it. Right up to the point I was getting ready to walk down the aisle – then I forgot all about her. I didn’t talk to her at the reception, she’s not in any professional photos, and it really didn’t matter one iota that she was there. And I only had 58 guests.
If she DARES to speak ill of you AT your wedding, other guests will quickly step in to keep her in line. That’s one of the nicest things about being surrounded by people who love you – they won’t put up with anyone talking trash on one of the happiest days of your life!
Post # 12
@andylynnb: I can’t believe I forgot the most important part of the story! She had her sister threaten my life. no joke. That is how bad it escalated. I am really struggling with inviting her because it don’t feel safe and she never apologized for having her sister do that.
Post # 14
you kind of have to invite her if you are inviting his brother. I can’t really see a way around inviting both of them. I would just make sure my bridal party or someone close to me could keep an eye on her on the day of and make sure she doesnt do anything annoying or destructive or drama inducing while at the wedding. But beyond that, there is no getting around it.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
@andylynnb: Does his family know she threatened your life (albeit indirectly)? If so, I would talk to Fiance and makes sure he explains to his parents that you 2 will not be inviting someone who has threatened you. Period. If someone mentions it to either of you say you feel unsafe in her presence. Period.
Post # 16
@Beautiful Bluegrass: Yes, they do. Well, not the entire family but when we told his parents they just kind of rolled their eyes like it was no big deal. I, on the other hand, took it to be an extremely big deal ESPECIALLY since I was the one on the receiving end. It was bad and I could have gotten the police involved if I wanted. Should we tell the entire family or what do you think?