(Closed) Help! Future sister in law drama

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You have to invite her, but if she’s that obnoxious maybe she won’t come.

Post # 4
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

On your wedding day there are going to be other people there that you can hang out with. I doubt you will see much of her.

Post # 5
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Unfortunately your choices boil down to “be the bigger person and invite her” or “elope.”

It’s important to remember not to think of it as “my” wedding, but rather “our wedding” – and she’s unavoidably part of your FI’s family.

Post # 6
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with the other bees- I don’t see any way that you can not invite her. 

Post # 7
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you plan on following etiquette you have to invite her, but there are ways around being near her every minute of your day.

You don’t have to invite her to any of the pre wedding parties, no bridal shower, no bachelorette, and you could even make your rehearsal strictly wedding party, parents and grandparents so she won’t be invited.

The wedding day you can tell your bridesmaids to keep her as far away from you as possible, tell them not to let her in when you are getting ready, not to let her in the bridal suite when you getting refreshed before the reception and so forth. You can also place her table far back so you don’t have to sit anywhere near her. 

If it makes you feel any better, I do not like my husband’s brother in law. I think he is fake and gross. I was so busy that I only noticed him once or twice. You will be so happy that day that you won’t notice her anymore than in passing. Good luck! 

Post # 8
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You have to invite her. With hopes she wont come. Be the bigger person

Post # 9
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry you have to deal with someone like that.  I was in a similar situation.  Unfortunately you have to invite her.  Just remember there will be a lot of other people there so you won’t really have to interact with her very much.  Good Luck!!

Post # 10
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@andylynnb:  I agree with a PP. Invite her to the wedding only. No showers, no bachelorette parties ect.

At the wedding, assign someone to ‘watch’ her and make sure she does not bother you when you are dressing and at the reception.

Post # 11
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

There’s not a way to leave her off the invitation without causing major drama – and you’d look like the one at fault since it IS incredibly rude to invite a husband, but not his wife.

I know this sucks, I was in a really similar sitiuation and couldn’t stand the thought of my BIL’s (then) Fiance at our wedding.  Mother-In-Law told me not to worry, she was too self-centered to come.  But she did come to the wedding, and I was in knots about it.  Right up to the point I was getting ready to walk down the aisle – then I forgot all about her.  I didn’t talk to her at the reception, she’s not in any professional photos, and it really didn’t matter one iota that she was there. And I only had 58 guests.

If she DARES to speak ill of you AT your wedding, other guests will quickly step in to keep her in line.  That’s one of the nicest things about being surrounded by people who love you – they won’t put up with anyone talking trash on one of the happiest days of your life!

Post # 14
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

you kind of have to invite her if you are inviting his brother. I can’t really see a way around inviting both of them. I would just make sure my bridal party or someone close to me could keep an eye on her on the day of and make sure she doesnt do anything annoying or destructive or drama inducing while at the wedding. But beyond that, there is no getting around it.

Post # 15
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

@andylynnb: Does his family know she threatened your life (albeit indirectly)? If so, I would talk to Fiance and makes sure he explains to his parents that you 2 will not be inviting someone who has threatened you. Period. If someone mentions it to either of you say you feel unsafe in her presence. Period.

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