(Closed) HELP! Future sister in law wants to bring her 16 month old. Grrr…

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Does your fiance want his nephew/niece there? If not, he should take care of this and tell them that it is an adult only wedding. If he wants the child there then you probably have a bigger problem on your hands.

Post # 4
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Well two points

1) it would probably be best she find a sitter as the reception is on a boat, just to be safe, since there will be a bunch of grown ups whooping it up, can’t keep their eyes on a hyper baby.

2) if its out of town for her, it would be mighty difficult for her to leave child behind- can you offer a sitter or perhaps put together a list of screened sitters?

Post # 6
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I just had a guest who called and RSVP’ed for 4 people…when she and her hubby were invited. She didn’t leave her phone # like I asked, so I had to ask my Fiance, who called his mom, who called HER mom, who called her sister to find out who these people are. She didn’t ask if it was ok, she is just bringing her two older teenage daughters instead of her husband now. Wtf. So yeah, I got the verbal version of what you got on your RSVP

A 16 month old BABY is not welcome on a boat I say. It sounds like a really, really bad idea. Just have your Fiance call and say, "i’m sorry we are worried about the liability, the BOAT says no babies….can’t you just get a sitter, sis? Nobody else is allowed to bring their kid" She’s probably doing it to be a bia anyways. And he has to learn to start standing up for what the two of you want anyways…part of being married! Especially since he agrees with you.

I HATE when people let their babies do that. It’s so rude and obnoxious. This is what kiddie leashes are for . Oh and discipline, haha. 

Post # 8
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

haha, LoL. I’m there for anybody who has anti-baby issues. I’m just not a fan.I think it just makes your Future Sister-In-Law sound like an idiot, wanting to bring her baby on a boat! Goodness gracious. She sounds so irresponsible. Especially if she’s going to be boozing! HOLY CRAP! All i can think of is "baby overboard". 

Actually, I’m letting it slide with the teens. They’re 17 and 18 apparently. I have told my Fiance multiple times how inconsiderate his family is by not calling me to check on stuff. They all just think it’s ok to do whatever they like. But, it’s also my FI’s beloved grandma’s sister. Grandma has like 8 sisters and this is the only one that is still "family" I guess, so I didn’t just want to be a huge bia. I phrased it this way. The elder lady called and said "i’m RSVPing for myself and Mrs. So-and-so. There will be 4 of us." Click. So i made it like "hmmm, is the grandma’s sister bringing a date or is it hubby and wife plus child? It messes up my escort cards, i gotta know" so i let my Fiance do some digging to ask. He knows how adamant I am about not having kids at our reception. Right now we are required to pay for 155 plates of food, even though we’ll likely have like 130 yes RSVP’s. I told him I would rather pay for blank, empty plates than have people be allowed to bring their children. Anyways, my Fiance ASSURES me they are like 17 and 18. We will see. But as long as they aren’t like, 15 and under that’s ok with me! 17 and 18 year olds will behave just fine. And eat their dinner! haha. 

I know that’s an "EJS Only" scenario but that’s how I pulled it off. I had another lady call to see if she can bring her college age daughter *instead* of her hubby. I appreciated the gesture and told her "ok just don’t tell anyone else yet, i want to make sure we don’t go over our venue’s size" and she was so nice about it. Her daughter even bought me a shower gift, in addition to what the mother bought me! Which was not necessary, but I appreciate her manners in talking to the bride about it…not the groom’s mother. But that’s a WHOLE other issue. Future Mother-In-Law was OK’ing extra guests without consulting us first, so there’s been a few issues. 

Peoples’ lack of manners and consideration amaze me. I don’t care if you’re family, that doesn’t make it ok to be like that! Good luck. Seroiusly, don’t let the baby come. You’ll feel awful if you have to worry about the child all night cuz mom’s being irresponsible, or worse yet, the kid gets hurt

Post # 9
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yup, hi date twin!

Post # 10
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well we will be going thru this too.  My guy’s brother and SIL just had a precious baby boy this week!  He will be about that age and we’re going to enlist the help of one relative when we get married to be "assigned" to him or have a sitter hired (this was discussed last month before I went on the no wedding talk deal btw).

When there’s a will there’s a way.  Most of my friends are all parents and many of them have young kids.  We’ll have a kids table and somebody to watch over it…and seat parents of those kids close by so they can keep a responsible eye on them too! 

Post # 11
38 posts

I would not expect a mother to leave her 16 month old baby at home if I wanted her to attend an out-of-state wedding. However, if you are not having children at your wedding and she wants to attend, then she should find a sitter in your area for that evening. If she does know people there and she trusts them, then it should be no problem. Perhaps, as beesknees suggested, you could provide her with a short list of some local sitters that she can contact? I know that it’s not your job to do that and I agree that it was totally inappropriate to write her own number and circle it, but if you (or your Fiance) have to now call her and tell her that her child cannot attend the wedding, it might be less of a blow if you can offer up that list. I will always try to be helpful if I know it will help avoid drama!

Post # 12
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would def not expect her to leave her baby behind also. The girls have made some very good suggestions here. You also said that she has friends in town that will sit for her which is even better. Just wait till i have to send my invites out i can almost guarantee i am going to get at least a handful of my family that are going to try to pull this off with their kids. Good Luck and i hope you fiance doesn’t have a hard time dealing with this.

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