Post # 1
Not sure how to handle this.. my future sister-in-law has full expectations to be a bridesmaid/at the bachelorette (she has clearly noted that as future family she is mandatory)… and, well, to be blunt, my preference is not to have her in either. Anybody (family or no) voicing the expectations for another person’s wedding is disrespectful and reason enough to not be in it. We have a good enough relationship, but, frankly, she is very emotionally immature and at times can be a lot to deal with. She is a bit dramatic and can be pretty negative (she’s upset about this, mad about that, etc…). I have had my bridesmaids picked out for years now, and they are obviously all people who I am very close with and have shared many memories with. Typically the solution to this would be to have her at the bachelorette party, but I just cannot see her fitting in with the other girls and when drinking she usually ends up on a bathroom floor needing taking care of. I also do not want to her to “latch” on to me, as she tends to do, as she will not know anyone at the party. Another issue is that my FH’s brother’s fiancee has invited her into her bridal party. How do I let her down without looking like I total b****? (Note: My FH is understanding and agrees with my reasoning…) Any guidance is welcome with how others have handled this!
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
For your future SIL, I would invite her to your bachelorette and ask a friend to keep an eye on her. If she gets to the point of needing to be looked after, said friend can call her husband/SO to come pick her up. To make sure she isnt clingy on the day of, maybe if you’re having a shower beforehand, you can introduce her to some of the girls that will be at the bachelorette, or tell her she can bring a friend. I’m almost always the girl who knows no one and i always appreciated friends who allowed me to bring a girlfriend (someone they had met but weren’t particualryl close to) to their bachelorette since I’m much more social when I have friends with me.
No one but you and your FH decide who your bridal party is. So I would probably ignore comments from your future SIL’s about being in the bridal party. Or say something like “Sorry SIL, we’re having a rather small bridal party but we’re really looking forward to celebrating with you at the wedding!”
Post # 3
She sounds very young and if she’s a latcher, it’s just going to be put on you to take care of her throughout the night. I would just tell her you’re nort organizing the bachelorette party and not in charge of invitation, which is usually true as the bridal party does it. For the bridal party, just tell her you’re still considering all your options.
Post # 4
Honestly, I think no matter how you let her down you’re still going to come off as a villain who doesn’t like her.
Could you maybe have her do a reading or something at the wedding? Then you could spin it like you have something more important you would rather her do.
Post # 5
Yes! What slomotion said- Have her do a reading! I would also explain to her that your bridal party are people that you have known and been close to for years and leave it at that.
And if you’re going to be the villain anyway, make sure you look fabulous while doing it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
My SIL wasn’t in our wedding, nor was I in my brother’s wedding. A reading is a great compromise . However, I’d suck it up and let her come to your bachelorette party.
Post # 7
im opposed to the idea that one MUST include siblings in their wedding party. you should pick the people that you really want to be standing up there and it should be people that will help you, not hinder you. i would just explain to her that youve picked your bridal party and that really is that. she has no right to be upset about it. i know its easier said than done, especially with dramatic people, but she will have ot suck it up. as for the bachelorette, i do think youll have to suck that one up and invite her. BUT, let your girls know ahead of time and have them do the babysitting. you shouldnt have to do that at all and your friends should be open to helping you out with this situation so that you have the best time possible. good luck bee!
Post # 8
Thanks for your advice everyone!!! Great stuff! 🙂
Post # 9
I’m having a similar problem. I’m just not talking about details about bachelorette party… FH didn’t invite my brother so I didn’t invite his sister. I felt that was fair…
Post # 10
I’m going to against the grain here- I think you should ask her to be a bridesmaid. I get that she can be difficult, but is it worth potentially ruining your relationship with her if you don’t ask her?
Post # 11
I definitely have consided this. She is very emotional and would take it hard- but not something I think she would hang on to forever. I think it will be all in the delivery… not so much why I DON’T want her to be a bridesmaid, but why I picked the girls that I did. I guess I just have an issue because her reason for thinking she should be a bridesmaid has nothing to do with being there for me- it’s so she has a part in her brother’s big day. She wants to feel important- it’s all about her.
Post # 12
I feel like you should have whoever you want in your party- it’s who you want standing by your side!
Post # 13
hmm, I see what you mean. I think that phrasing it the way you just mentioned–focusing on the positives in the delivery–is key. That seems very tactful. And I like PP’s idea of having her as a reader. She can be the center of attention during that! It’s a sticky situation for sure–I wish you the best!
Post # 14
She’s his sister. He should have her stand with him on his side. If she’s that difficult he should fall on the grenade for you