Help getting over an underwhelming proposal

posted 8 months ago in Engagement
Post # 3
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

People don’t actually care at all about the ring. Not even a little bit. They are just asking to be polite and say something. It’s not an awkward thing to tell them because they really, really aren’t actually interested .

Post # 5
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

I think your actual proposal was thoughtful….. he took you to a secluded  place and said romantic things and then asked you to marry him… 

he asked during covid without a ring so that meant he really was excited about asking you with or without the ring.

however….. you did tell him when the ring arrives to make it special and he disregarded your request. You need to address that and be vocal about how that makes you feel…..

Post # 6
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

I actually think it was romantic how he proposed he just couldn’t help it because he loves you and it felt right so he decided to just do it! I guess I would feel a way too no ring and with such a nice proposal I am surprised he didn’t have a ring. I would’ve thought some awkwardness down on one knee and no ring. I actually think it’s still better than mine. My now husband proposed on my bday. He made me a yummy meal and bought me a cake. He was pretty obvious the whole time and so nervous so I suspected it was coming. He said what did you wish for? I said I can’t share because otherwise it won’t come true. He asked was it me proposing before I could answer he was down on one knee. Regardless I was super happy but then bummed out the ring didn’t fit! Lol! Maybe he didn’t feel he had to make it special with the ring seeing as he proposed already. Once your busy with wedding plans I think you’ll get over it! 

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@personaperson:  Omg I do think that’s true! I think a very select few care that much! 

Post # 10
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Your proposal will be a distant memory after you’re married. And after you have a kid you won’t care about anything that might have gone wrong on your wedding day. 

Post # 11
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

My proposal was meh.. lol. My husband doesn’t like surprises so I knew when it will happen and we picked the ring together. At least you had a nice surprise… 

I still feel a bit disappointed that I don’t have a cute story about the proposal like some of my friends so I’m not sure if this feeling can go away… 

 

But I am glad we picked the ring together as I actually have the ring that I absolutely love whereas I have friends that would have picked a different ring had they had the choice (different color metal etc.) and I have counteless other wonderful moments with my husband since then… so I guess one feeling of disappointment compared to many great moments isn’t too bad 😉 

 

Post # 12
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hey! My proposal was a bit of a let down on the ring. It wasn’t any of the ones I picked out. I felt like my time and communication weren’t taken into consideration. But I felt torn because I knew expressing it might make me look really superficial (can’t you be happy, he loves you, blah blah). 

I talked about it initially with him, but it definitely took a couple of times for me to fully unpack how I felt. And proposal aside, that’s what I think you should focus on when you talk with him. It’s touchy, and might be a bit messy the first go, but the closer you stay with saying why it was important to you, and how your second attempt at communication failed too, the smoother I think it will go. 

It’s a big moment, and while it doesn’t have to be perfect, you’re still 100% validated in your feelings. My hubby fudged on the ring, and I couldn’t help but have that “OMG what are we doing if we can’t get this right” thought. But it ended up being just fine after talking about it. Life’s messy, and it’s totally okay to feel let down, so long as you talk about it 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee

It’s about the feeling. The moment of wanting to join your life with someone else’s. The happiness of pledging your future together. Don’t let the lack of an object belittle that special moment.

My husband proposed with out a ring and I was so happy I felt like I could have burst. He was so excited he couldn’t wait another second to start our future life together. We got a ring very soon after, but in no way did that lack of ring make it feel any less rapturous or any less of a proposal. 

Try not to taint that with wishing for something more or something different. Don’t create a regret you don’t need to have.

Just my 2c.

Post # 14
Member
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My proposal had a ring but didn’t involve nice words, kneeling, etc. (Literally while out for a walk he said ‘so, should we get married?’ And pulled out a ring haha). It doesn’t bother me at all. We have been married 6 years now.

I think your story is lovely. He clearly put thought into making it something you would enjoy and made a point of sharing some special thoughts. This year has been a weird one and unfortunately all the stars didn’t align to allow the meaningful moment and the ring all together. I personally feel like it’s a bit much to expect basically a re-proposal when the ring arrived, but since that was important to you and you asked for it, that is probably the part you should address, if anything, because he didn’t take your feelings into account. I think it is okay to bring that up, while acknowledging that you are happy to be engaged, feel special about the original proposal, love your ring, etc. But really the main thing that will help is time. Eventually it won’t matter how you got engaged. My parents have been married 33 years. When my dad proposed, he was so nervous my mom thought he was breaking up with her. And he didn’t have a ring. And since they got one made and it kept having to be modified, she didn’t have a ring for basically her entire engagement (only engaged 6 months). I’m sure it stung a little at the time, but now she just laughs about it. 

Post # 15
Member
7578 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@Brownsugar003:  if some judgemental people made some judgemental comments, then they are assholes and their opinion doesn’t really matter. You shouldn’t let some rude person’s rudeness have this much influence over your feelings.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors