Post # 16
When I see threads like this where bees lament not having a super special proposal story, I have to wonder what circles you run with that everyone spends so much time sharing and comparing proposals.
My husband proposed without a ring while sitting on the couch on a random Sunday afternoon. It was an unplanned, organic moment that is one of my most precious memories of our life together.
In the weeks following there might have been 2 or 3 questions about how he proposed. And for those who asked, I answered. A few asked to see the ring, to which I explained we were shopping for one together. Most just said congratulations and asked about wedding plans.
And at no point did anybody look at me with pity over my lame proposal story. Not once did friends and family judge my husband for not having bought a ring prior to asking. And after the first few weeks people stopped asking. It just doesn’t come up.
If you’re hanging with people who would judge you and your Fiance for the way he proposed then I suggest you find new friends. However, I strongly suspect that its much more likely that this is a you problem. You want to impress people with some fairytale proposal story as a way to convince them how much you are loved. Are you afraid that if he doesn’t ask you with the perfect ring that people will think he doesn’t really love you?
The fact is, most people don’t care how he proposed to you. And how he proposed has no bearing on how happy you’ll be together. Cut the guy some slack.
Post # 17
I wouldn’t say that I am afraid others will think I am not loved enough because I did not have a ring during the proposal. I also do not need a cute, “fairytale” story either – how he did it was fine but what irked me was his complete disregard for the fact that he knew that having a ring during the proposal was super important to me. I explicitly told him this and we were looking at rings long before the pandemic started so he had ample time to purchase it prior to the proposal, and I know money is not an issue for him. He knew it was important to me, and yet he disregarded that when I told him prior to the proposal and even after. I know some may argue that it’s materialstic of me to want to have an engagement ring during the proposal but it is just an important part of the proposal I envisioned, and I am sure it is important for other women too.
Post # 18
Hey! Thank you so much for validating my feelings, I appreciate that. I am glad that you understand my feelings – it’s definitely the complete disregard for something that I explicitly told him was important to me that bugs me. We have started talking about it already, and just like you, I think it will take multiple times to fully unpack how I am feeling. And like what others mentioned, I guess it will just take some time to get over it
Post # 19
you’re welcome! I’m so glad you’re talking about it; I know it’s hard but it really helps. My husband and I have been married 6yrs now. It’s a memory that’s so much easier to look back on now.
I recently purchased an upgraded ring for myself, and he’s really excited. He didn’t have any interest in upgrading his and it’s something we can joke about–“oh yea, duh you picked yours, so you’re still happy with it 🙃”