(Closed) HELP!!! Groom who wants to be involved, but can't make decisions!!!

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Maybe let him pick his own responsibilities? If it something he really cares about, he will come through. Or it kind of sounds like if he is getting that upset, it could be something else all together that is really bothering him. 

Post # 5
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should invite the people you want, not the people who will show up because it happens to be near them. Let him invite his friends and family and let his friends and family decide if they will make the 200 mile trip (I know I would and most of our guests are traveling a lot further).

Instead of making final decisions I would narrow things down to 2-3 options and either let him pick from those or talk with him about the options before you decide. That way he is included in every decision.

My Fiance has handled his portion of the guest list, the DJ (mostly), part of the photographer (he vetoed ones he didn’t like and I got my favorite so I was happy), the officiant (he picked), the ceremony musician (he had a family friend he really wanted), the colors (he didn’t like my first choice and we settled on something we both love), the design of the save the dates (he didn’t have strong opinions but liked being part of the process and he found the designer). He helped with the hotel blocking and narrowed down the registry so that I could make final decisions. He will pick the guys’ tuxes, the transportation and the readings. He said he wants to see the flowers before deposits are made but probably won’t care what they look like. He also wants to see the cake but probably won’t have a strong opinion about it. He did have strong opinions about the venue and food.

The only thing I’m doing myself are my dress, my accessories (which he ended up having input on because I wanted it) and the bridesmaid dresses.

Post # 6
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

It is really hard to make them feel included, even when they would rather watch football than help. Sometimes, I just try and make comments to my fiance about how someone recomended something to me, but I wanted to ask him first what he thought…just little things like that.

Also, I think sometimes our moms role in it all can be annoying for them, so maybe mentioning the decisions shes helped you make less, that way he feels like hes your right hand in all of it.

Post # 7
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Make a list of everything that has to get done. Let him pick his tasks. Make him promise he’ll do it. Maybe that’ll work?

Post # 8
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Make a list (pull one from the knot, if you have to) of what still needs to be done. Review it with him, and see what he wants to be involved in. 

I think your guest list should be balanced. If your side if inviting 50 people, so should his. 

Have you considered having a reception in his hometown, for those who can’t make it to the wedding? That’s something he could plan- low-key BBQ, and might make him feel less “left out.”

Post # 13
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@echristine:  Whoops. I mustve misread it. I still have family coming from one coast to the other and I think you’ll be surprised who makes the trip, given the option to come. Happy New Year!

Post # 14
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Our wedding is a first for me, and a second for him. When we started planning he was adament about not having a “foofy” wedding. We both want him to be involved, but the reality of that–I brought up one thing or another daily until all our vendors were hired–was challenging.  He’d say he didn’t want too much tradition or foof or say I wasn’t including him. One night I called him on it, we had a “discussion” and I said hey, remember this is me?  We’ve been on the same page ever since.

Anyway, we’ve had some good talks and I now understand what people have meant when they say planning a wedding teaches the couple how to settle disagreements, tell each other what’s important at the time it should be brought up. Now that the venue and vendors have all been hired, our wedding planning isn’t an everyday topic anymore and that’s made it easier for both of us.

He’s in charge of the invitations–which was his idea–and other than telling him by what date I want them in the mail, I’ve left it up to him.

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