Help! Grooms SIL wants to be photographer

posted 1 year ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 31
5110 posts
Bee Keeper

dinosaurs4dinner :  I mean you both have to be comfortable with the photog your Fiance should take your no as is. WTF? That too would piss me off too. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by  sweatergal007.
Post # 32
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

BalletParker :  Exactly!! Any photographer worth their salt knows their own limitations too.

Friends of our are photographers and they do absolutely beautiful work – but they specialise in family and newborn portraits. They’ve been asked to do friends’ weddings and declined every time because they are not comfortable with that type of work. Photojournaling an event is an entirely different skill set than posing and shooting family portraits.

They did do our engagement photos for us (which we have not gotten back yet) but they were happy to do them because that kind of shoot is pretty similar to the kind of work they normally do.

Post # 33
5110 posts
Bee Keeper

Two weddings and one point and shoot?! Hell nah. I’m a hobby photog super amateur I would NEVER do anyone’s wedding unless I had experience in creating and duplicating a style of photography in any light then do second shooting for years THEN be the first shooter. Point and shoot isn’t a style it’s amateur level. 

Anywhoo tell her she can be an overgrown flower girl because she’s being a child. 

Post # 34
1861 posts
Buzzing bee

dinosaurs4dinner :  stick up for yourself and say no. It is your wedding after all. If you need to lie so be it. Tell your fiancé it’s a no and that to avoid her feelings you are going to tell her that your parents already bought a photography package from a company as their wedding gift to you. It’s rude his sister is pushing. Also you don’t owe her a why not just a no. Don’t explain just say, we are fine thanks. Got that from DWIL. It’s great about how to set boundaries with people and the big tip is to not explain your choice bc that gives a chance for people to argue it. Instead go with a firm no and no explanation. 

Post # 35
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I would say that you need to stick to your guns on this one. I had a VERY similar situation and we ended up telling her that we just wanted her to enjoy the wedding. I’m not sure she bought it, but ultimately you’ll feel better if you go with what you want. Pictures are not something that can be redone. 

I would be weary about getting a second photographer in addition to her. It’s tough when you have two photographers who don’t know each other because they always seem to be in each others’ ways. For example, one photographer will set up a shot and the other will take the photos or worse, be in the background or something. 

Good luck! I hope you figure this sticky situation out.

Post # 36
673 posts
Busy bee

Your FH and his sister are on my nerves and it’s not even my wedding.

Just because someone has a nice camera and fancies themselves a wedding photographer because they’ve shot two weddings for people they know (out of cheapness or pity, I’m sure), does not a wedding photographer make. Wedding photographers are professionals who not only have natural talent but have put the time and effort into honing their craft and have paid their dues by being second shooters/photographing other, less important events to build up their portfolio.

You don’t just wake up one morning and say, “Hey I like to take pictures, I’m going to buy a camera and be a wedding photographer.” And because you’ve made this decision now everyone in your life is required to have terrible wedding photos to appease you.

First, deal with your fiancé. Tell him you have a lot of reservations about this, not the least of which is that his sister is talentless. You will not have her as your wedding photographer. How does he want to handle it?

If he won’t tell her, you’ll have to do it. There’s no need to crush her but be firm. You are going to use a different photographer for the wedding. You hope she understands.

Post # 37
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Yeah no she sounds like a nightmare.. especially since she apparently thinks she should be paid like a pro.

I agree with bees you’re gonna have to tell fi you hate her work and either he can help you let her down nicely or you’ll have to tell her the cold hard truth to her face.  I’m willing to bet he will suddenly see why he should help you tell her a white lie and hire someone else.

Post # 38
856 posts
Busy bee

dinosaurs4dinner :  “Oh my gosh, that’s so sweet of you to offer! You’re the best. But we really rather you just enjoy yourself at our wedding. We have hired a photographer for the wedding day. Thanks so much for offering though!” Or, maybe you could somehow let her take photos at the rehearsal dinner or additional photos at the wedding or something?

Post # 39
856 posts
Busy bee

bostonbee2018 :  YES times a million. It drives me nuts when I see all these “photographers” on Facebook trying to charge people for a service that they’re clearly not at all trained in. I think that art can be self-taught, but I mean, come on, some of the “photography” I see out there is horrendous. And I’m not even a photography critic or anything, I just have some basic experience/training from undergrad.

Post # 40
3864 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Let her be offended. It’s far better than ending up with wedding photos you dislike and resent. The photos are the one thing you have to capture your wedding memories for all time, it’s worth it to fight for them. 

Tell your fiance straight that you do not like her work and you are upset that he is trying to force you to hire her. Not only that but ‘friendors’ can get very messy in terms of payment and expectations etc. 

Just tell her no, don’t even let her be a second shooter because I have seen stories about second shooters trying to take over and get in the way of the professional shooter, plus it could still get messy if she wants payments etc. 

I’m sure you would never force a wedding decision on your fiance that he was strongly against. It is wrong for him to do it to you. 

Post # 41
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

And to add to everyone else’s points, if she wants to be in the business, she better get used to rejection! Meaning that all vendors have competition and sometimes they book a client, but not every couple will choose them. Rejection is part of the job.

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