Post # 1
My fiancée and I have been together for about 6 yrs. he’s given the most amazing and heartfelt speeches at big life events (graduations etc.) and while his proposal wasn’t flashy it was his authentic expression of love. On the other hand I’m a performer, former harpist and musician and am good with words until it comes to “those” moments. We do this introvert/extrovert switch.
Making speeches has always been his thing and he’s never seen me play the harp before. Ever. We’re in an Ldr for the past year and the wedding would be our first time seeing each other in months. He’s also signed up with the navy after the honeymoon so I feel like this time really needs to be special for us to hold on to and not just for the family and guests like our traditional Jamaican weddings.
Is it too much to play instead of “speech” or maybe do more playing and just a few words whilst strumming? Would it be too showy in a dress at the altar? Logistically should I just pluck something at the reception and just suck it up and bring my crumbled college ruled paper to the mic?
We did a list of the ost important aspects of the wedding and he put as the number one thing he’s looking forward to is the vows… NO PRESSURE…
any advice welcome!
Post # 2
I think playing your fiancé something is a lovely idea – but not as your vows.
If was me, I would do it as part of the speeches – rather than as my vows, because playing the harp isn’t really saying vows. If you’re not good with words, don’t pressure yourself by trying to write something from scratch..look online for vow examples and pick some that you like and tailor them.
Setting up on the harp during the vows would also disrupt the flow of the moment I think.
but definitely, during the reception / as part of the toasts and speeches, or just after them, I think it’s a great idea!
I picked the last option for the poll – but it is just that I don’t think it would be right as your “vows” – they are the key part of the marriage ceremony.
Post # 3
I’m confused – you’re using vows and speech interchangeably.
I’m not aware of anywhere during a wedding you’re required to give a speech. Your vows are basically a list of things you are promising to him in marriage. It isn’t intended to be a speech and in fact most people I know find it super cringeworthy to witness when people do the super long personal love letter as vows thing. Do people do the super long personal love letter thing? Yeah – but most of the ones I’ve witnessed have ended up being super awkward and most of us who attended the wedding commented to each other that it was kind of inappropriate and not actually a vow.
The only time I’ve seen the bride or groom do a speech is a short one toasting their new spouse and thanking their guests for attending during the reception.
Personally, I wouldn’t do the harp thing as your vows. If you want to work in playing the harp for him, I would share that as either a private moment between the two of you before or after the ceremony or work it in as sort of a toast in your reception.
If you are having trouble writing your vows, I would start with your standard version and maybe look up some examples online and adjust from there to be applicable in your relationship. How do you plan to support your relationship? Honor it? Etc.
Post # 4
Thanks so much for the insight! I’m early on in trying to figure everything out and will def look into other ideas. I thought that looking at others might come off as disingenuous but it can’t hurt to get ideas right? and getting an idea of how it would be from the guests perspective really helps! reception idea seems good if being integrated.
Post # 5
Not disingenuous at all Bee. Not everyone is good with words, or comfortable writing things (especially so important) from scratch! Definitely look online for inspiration – no one will know where you get your material, and you can always tweak or tailor it to be more relevant and significant to you two personally.
But definitely, the vow section should be spoken, and should just “flow” with the rest of the ceremony. So I do think starting to play in the middle of it would disrupt that and (honestly) be a little strange!
i have however seen a couple of people sing songs, read poetry etc to their new spouse as their speech or toast st the reception, where they have a particular talent or don’t want to “speak”. So playing then sounds ideal to me if yohr comfortable doing that.
Post # 6
islandbrid3 : Sorry but a harp is not a vow. I’m incredibly shy too so we’re just using the standard vows.
Post # 7
We basically did the bare minimum legally required vows and it was a very quick ceremony, I would just keep it simple but heartfelt. Would be lovely to play a song for him at the reception though