(Closed) HELP! He cheated, wedding in 3 months.

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Get over it!  It was a 2 years ago and you had only been dating a few months!  He hadn’t even said he loved you yet and all he did was have dinner.  It’s not like he was physical with her or even started an emotional relationship with her again.  It sounds to me like you have some jealousy issues that you need to work out.  You need to remember that everyone has a past–even you!  That past is what made each of you who you are and you shouldn’t try to erase it.  Sure you don’t want framed pictures of exes around but if you find one in a box don’t go crazy–it’s just part of the past 

Post # 33
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Lady, this was years ago! Things have been awesome for the past two years — why are you holding on to this? All of that stuff happened at the beginning of your relationship, when you guys were just settling in and going on dates, and before you said you loved each other and were serious. And since then, he’s kicked her out of his life. How terrible would you feel if you broke things off with him over something like this? Let go, or you’ll never be happy.

Post # 34
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh–I don’t think he cheated either!  If he was trying to start a relationship with her then maybe I’d be ticked but it sounds like he was just “catching up” and maybe trying to make her jealous at what she lost.  That is not cheating–especially since YOU HAD JUST STARTED DATING!

Post # 35
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

@belletear…Honey, he has been lying for FOREVER!!!! Make it stop! the reason why you cant let it go is because you dont know if he wouldve ever told you had you not found out. Thats whats plaguing you. Dont beat him or yourself up about it, if you would be with him anyway, you have to learn to let go and DONT enter the marriage this way. If you cant, you’re not ready to get married. He’s been doing it, he will do it again.

Post # 36
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Courtnee: Umm… yeah. If this is for real, everything you said was pretty much my thoughts exactly.

But I’m sorry… this sounds fishy to me. No one has a cell phone for 7 years. LOL.

Post # 38
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@belletear: Obviously I understand you can transfer contacts to another phone. You said it had *pictures* from 7 years ago, and implied that it was the original phone.

Post # 39
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Agreed no one has a cell for 7 years but every 2 I get a new one and just have the tech guy copy all the same numbers over.  Sure–I go thru and delete old numbers once a year or so to clean house but not everyone does.

I can’t believe I’m even coming back to read this again but I’m just dumbfounded if it’s all true and this really was 1 dinner 2 years ago.  I guess I’m just different from some of you because in the beginning (first 4-5 months) I didn’t even call my now fiance my boyfriend.  I didn’t feel I had to tell him every little thing I did–we respected that we each still had our own lives and were just trying to figure things out.

Post # 40
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Firstly i think its silly to say if he does it once he’ll do it again, perhaps the reason he didnt tell you is because he thought it would be seen much worse than it actually was – something it seems he was right about, given two years later you’re still hung up about it! Yes he lied, but you said he has been great the last two years so it sounds to me like he wont do it again. 

Tbh although i get your insecurity, i dont even think this can be called cheating. Yes the dinner was very inappropriate and he was wrong not to tell you about it. But surely to class as cheating he has to have either physically cheated or emotionally cheated – i’m not sure going for a two hour dinner counts as either! If they spent those two hours talking about their feelings for one another maybe, but if it was two hours in which they chatted about their lives now i really think everything is fine. 

Honestly, you HAVE to let this go and move on. its a wonder your constant bringing it up and throwing it in his face hasn’t trainwrecked your relationship already. I know if i was him, i would not have been as patient.

Post # 41
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@belletear: I didn’t feel like reading the lost list of PP but I read the entire thing and I think telling you to leave him is waaaaaay overboard.

The date was two years ago during a time when you were seeing someone else (and he didn’t even know it)–that is also an indiscretion/omission. Let this go. He ‘fessed up, you were seeing someone else, and from what you say he has done all the correct letting go procedures: deleting her, letting you know whenever she calls, and telling her emphatically that he is marrying you

I think you are having cold feet and using this one indiscretion as a reason to leave. My opinion is let go.

Post # 42
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

double post

Post # 44
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

Interesting……Sorry if I’m out of line here, but I think you have cold feet and are looking for an out to the marriage…….it’s really easy to find something from the “past” and focus on that as  an excuse………

jezz, I gotta tell ya, in all my years / dating, my family never even meets a man I date until or unless I feel he is worthy of meeting them and that means I have to have some serious feelings for the man, needless to say, they’ve met 3 out of many…..

so two months into dating he had dinner, dinner mind you, with an ex, that you knew he was still in contact with, and your hanging on to this after accepting an engagement ring, setting a date and planning a wedding that’s going to take place in 3 month……it’s called cold feet !!!

Postpone it all, looks like you are going to break his heart the same way the last one did 🙁 You are far from being ready to marry him if something this little is wasting your time, what would you do if something HUGE happened in the marriage, run ? I’m just curious what the real situation is cause in all truth, your story makes very little sense and less reason to not get married. 

 

Post # 45
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

I don’t want to sound harsh so please know this is not my intention.

BUT it sounds to me like you’re reaction is 100x worse than what he did.  You’re reacting like he cheated when clearly he has not at all.  I’m actually pretty confused as to why the word “cheated” is anywhere in the title of your post.  It really does NOT belong there.  

My SO has met up with his ex quite a few times during us dating (we’ve been together 6+ years).  Yes, I used to be super jealous and would get hurt when he would tell me about it.  And yes, sometimes he would omit to avoid upsetting me.  But the bottom line is, an ex is an ex for a reason and so what if they had dinner?  Big whoop.  He’s still with you and not with her, isn’t that what matters?  And, I’ll be honest, my jealousy didn’t stop until the day his ex gf got engaged.  So what I really think you’re deal is is that you’re insecure; I know I was.  That’s something that can be helped by individual therapy; I do NOT think this is a couples therapy issue.

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