(Closed) Help!! He proposed but now I see signs that ring has been worn before!

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

What are you more concerned about, that he bought the ring for an ex-girlfriend or that he bought it at a pawn shop?

 

I can understand being upset at the former. If it’s the latter, maybe he did. Maybe he bought it when he was poor and to him it symbolizes how far he’s come in life and he’s giving it to you because you’re the person who will always be there for him. I dunno, just throwing that out there. Personally I would be surprised too, though, if my boyfriend was a millionaire and he got me a used half carat ring. More because it would seem like he didn’t put much effort into it though. 

Post # 4
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It’s possible that it’s a family ring or a vintage piece.  Why don’t you just let him try to explain before getting so upset?

Post # 5
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@beignettegirl:  I would recommend that you ask him.  Be cautious though how you ask because it could lead to an argument, when this should be a happy time for you both. Maybe you could ask him to have the ring re-set in a new band or something.  Just a thought…

Post # 6
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I personally wouldn’t be that upset about it (unless it WAS the ring he got for his ex, that would be weird). But I know that people are different, so I’m’ very sorry you are so sad. I would suggest taking a day to cool off, decide rationally in your head the right way to handle the situation, and then ask him. Just remember he does love you, and a used ring doesn’t mean he loves you any less.

Post # 8
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oof. Good for you for taking a cool down period, you wouldn’t want to go into this discussion overly upset. I definitely agree that this is something you’ll want to discuss, if only for your own peace of mind. Perhaps you can approach it in a way that definitely reiterates that you are so excited that you’re engaged, but you’re concerned about the ring. If he got it at a store, he needs to know about the signs of wear. If it’s a family ring, that’s sweet and sentimental and you’d like to know.

Aaaaand, if it’s the former ex’s ring, then you can (hopefully calmly) explain that you’d appreciate exchanging that ring for a different one, because you don’t like the feel of wearing ‘her’ old ring (if that’s the issue here). Same goes for a pawn shop ring if that is the part bothers you. 

I hope that the convo goes well and that you can both calmly discuss the ring and the reasons for or against keeping it. He may not have even thought that giving you the old ring was bad, and for some people it may not be an issue. Just try to calmly discuss the ring and use ‘I statements’ rather than ‘you statements.’ Best of luck! *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Are you sure it’s not a family airloom? (not sure if that’s the correct spelling)

 

I’d ask him, but wait till you’ve calmed down a but first.

Post # 11
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oh I just saw your other post.. oops!!

 

I would still ask him, just… calmly.

Post # 12
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

maybe it came from an antique shop?  Some people (myself included) are opposed to the purchase of new diamonds because of their questionable backgrounds – so make sure its not something that innocent before you accuse him of anything…

Post # 13
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Ok well first of all, calm down. The man you love just asked you to marry him, a used ring is not the greatest tragedy of all time. Personally I would love a vintage engagement ring someday.

If you think this is the ring he gave his ex, just ask him. Let him know that would make you uncomfortable. It’s nothing to cry about.

Post # 15
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would ask him as nicely as possible.. just say you were thinking about it and curious if it was purchased with someone else in mind a long time ago.. and see what he says.. because if it was.. then I would feel like it was kind of jinxed and not very well thought out the ring should be about you.. not just something left over from someone else.

Post # 16
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

cool down period = thumbs up good idea. I’d wait till you could have the conversation with out crying. If you could get the right wording down, he should be ok with selling it to get a new ring. I also just want to say I know a lot of guys that bought a ring for a girl, it didn’t work out, and then sold it to their buddy for next to nothing for his buddy to propose. maybe thats whats happened? well, maybe it doesn’t matter the why, just that he proposed and wants to spend his life with you?  hugs hugs hugs dear!!

@indibee:love your advice about using I statements! very good advice!

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