(Closed) Help help 7 years baby lies head games

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
9755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

 Get thee to counseling, bee.

Post # 47
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

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stayingforthepromise :  “…he also always wants me to dress like a ho when we go anywhere in high heels stockings short skirt…so I used to do that dress up for him but I just feel not good enough no matter what I do – he doesn’t want to commit to me…”

This is yet another red flag here. This is not just an occasional dressing up for fun. He wants a type of woman that you are not, and you are jumping through hoops to keep this guy. You are compromising yourself to “be” what he wants / tells you to be, and not who you are. Here’s the thing: when you do that, he knows it really isn’t you and that you are doing it to hang on to him, which tells him he has control of you, that you’ll do whatever he says. This actually makes him think less of you because you are so pliable, your self-esteem gets lowered, and there is no confidence he sees in you anymore. All this makes you needy, and no man is wants somebody needy. No woman wants somebody needy. No good relationship can be based on needy.

A truly good relationship is based on two people who are valued for who they are, not trying to make the other into something they are not.

And your last post (#45) just shows how this degradation plays on your own self worth. Stop being his puppet and get out of this, and work on yourself, be proud of WHO YOU ARE, and be YOU.

Post # 48
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

…and just remember, you are valuable. When you said you are not who you were years ago, that person is still within you and is not lost. You can find her again. Try to remember you in your better days. Even if it feels futile now, it’s not. You are stronger than you think. All the best to you, Bee!! 🙂

Post # 49
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

you already ARE a single parent of TWO: your son and this manchild.

you seriously dont need or deserve this crap. youʻre probably a really phenomenol woman being treated like a child to impress a man child who doesnt just doesnt wanna stand on his own 2 feet. Trust me, been there, divorced that mess. NOT worth it!!! 

Post # 50
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
sassy411 :   Wow. I thought I was the only person that said Le Sigh. 

Post # 51
Member
6 posts
Newbee

This is similar to my situation and I was scared to post. Please dm me if you need to talk. It’s crushing 

Post # 52
Member
1208 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

I second pp who suggested that you put his belongings outside and change the locks.

 

You are not doing yourself any service by not confiding in your parents. It’s like you don’t really want him out, just want him to propose already. Bad news: it’s never going to get better. It’s never going to feel right. If he feels forced to propose to you and does propose, it is never going to feel good – for him AND for you.

 

This ship has sailed, bee…

Post # 53
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

Can I just say that if he really loved and wanted to marry you and saw the pain and suffering he was putting you through and he legit couldn’t even afford a $5 dollar ring, he should just bloody ask you anyway, he doesn’t need to give you a ring for you to be engaged to be married (but I know that is tradition).

He has used every delay tactic in the book, not only that but has lied to your face time and time again about not having the money (yet buys a PS4 and games) he has shown you time and time again that you are not his priority and your mental state and feelings are not his concern.

Please bee, do not allow this man child to wriggle his way out of this!! You and your son deserve so much more, better to be a single mum and working on your own self confidence and happiness than to stay in a relationship for the sake of it and hoping that it will one day end in marriage, whilst also damaging your own mental health and self worth.

It will be so hard, he is the father to your child, your partner of 4 years…but do you really want the rest of your life to be like this, do you want the way you feel right now to continue into the forseeable future. You can have a happy future without him!

Wishing you all the luck!

x

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