(Closed) Help help – the ettiquette police are after me!

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: wildstyle's destination wedding must haves so the etiquette police don't lock her up

    Out of town bags

    Favors

    Multiple wedding events paid for by the bride/groom

    Accomodations paid for by the bride/groom (not gonna happen but some people think we are paying!)

    Transportation (we are doing this but to and from the wedding venue only, not to the welcome party)

    Something else which I will explain

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1751 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    @wildstyle – yeah, try to have organized events.. doesn’t have to be $$$… we did have a rehearsal dinner that my in laws threw, which was nice. But you are having the welcome drinks – that’s hosted, no? I think that will work out great! It’s more about giving your guests expectations and things to do .. we tried to be clear what was hosted, and invite people along to join us for the things that weren’t hosted. Don’t worry about spending and spending – it’s more about just making sure everyone is aquainted and comfy. to me anyway!  Sounds like you have that part covered.

    Post # 19
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think you should do the Out of Town bags for ppl who are staying at the hotel you blocked.  If they decided to go off on their own, then so be it… they don’t get a bag then!  

    Post # 20
    Member
    1751 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    @teaandtoast – true! I got a TON of questions during the wedding weekend. “What time is the boat?” “Where is dinner?” “What time’s the rehearsal?”

    Same answer for everything – “it’s in your packet!!!”. It was great. 🙂 I can’t remember what everybody is up to all the time, so i had DH write it all up in a brochure.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1511 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

    I don’t think you have to do any of those things. I’ve been to many out of town weddings and have never, ever, in my entire life, gotten an Out of Town bag.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1354 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    To the extent that an Out of Town bag is part of etiquette, I think that is true only with regards to providing good information to your guests. Because you are travelling (I assume by plane), the only thing that I think you really should do is provide a good map for your guests, a schedule, and a list of other activities that are special or you will be doing (like, going to a show? let them know that they can join you, for $60 or whatever). Little treats or other cutesy things are fine, but information at a destination wedding is priceless.

    To get these to your guests I would just recommend dropping them off with the front desk. A decent hotel should be able to get them to whomever is staying with them. If you don’t know where everyone is staying, it is perfectly fine to hand out info packets at the welcome event.

    Post # 23
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    The etiquette police say only that you have to actually host the parties that you formally invite people to, ie no cash bar at the reception or cocktail event.  None of that other stuff is at all necessary.

    On the other hand, I think it would be nice to say to people  “FI and I and our families will be hanging at _ bar/having brunch at _ restaurant, feel free to join us”, meaning you’re not paying for them but would love to spend time with them.  This is especially good when it’s a free or low-cost event that they might be doing anyway – everyone’s gotta get breakfast, after all. 

    As for Out of Town bags, I agree they’re a nice gesture but expensive.  You could just do maps (free from tourist center), a printout of things to do/places to eat nearby, a bottle of water, and two lindt chocolates/andes mints/bag of m&ms or something (I like chocolate!).  Or skip them entirely but put maps and stuff to do on your website so people can at least print them out.  And you could hand them out as people leave the welcome cocktail party, to keep the stress down. 

    In the end, people will remember a crazy stressed-out bride long after they forget about favors or lack of favors, keep that in mind! 

    Post # 25
    Member
    946 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    NONE OF THE ABOVE! 🙂

    You are hosting a wedding.  You have a welcome dinner AND are having your bachelorette/bachelor party.  That’s plenty of events and provided entertainment for your guests.  Out of Town bags are very nice, but they are not a necessity.  If you do make them, I suggest going very DIY style- maybe make a “vegas survival kit”?  Water, aspirin, snacks?  My SIL did this for her wedding- there was literally nothing personalized about the bags, no water bottle labels, no homemade things, nothing- and everyone thought they were great.  Maybe include a list of fun things to see in Vegas- you could easily make something to print out at home.

    Besides, you are getting married in Vegas and to me, that means you have even LESS responsibility to provide things to do since there are so many things to do there.

    Post # 26
    Member
    660 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    We didn’t have it in our budget to do Out of Town bags.  We did an itinerary that was left at the front desk of the hotel for each guest when they checked in.  The itinerary included local attractions and maps and welcomed the guests to our wedding.  I think passing something like that out at the Welcome Dinner would be sufficient.  Favors and Out of Town bags are NOT a wedding requirement.  Just like wearing a veil or having a cake is NOT a weddign requirement.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1751 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I love the hangover kit! hilarious. I would definitely appreciate that and get a nice laugh over it, and you could totally do it so cheaply by hitting a Costco and getting some ibuprofin, baggies, etc 🙂 I love it! that is definitely unique and fabulous.

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