(Closed) Help help – the ettiquette police are after me!

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: wildstyle's destination wedding must haves so the etiquette police don't lock her up

    Out of town bags


    Multiple wedding events paid for by the bride/groom

    Accomodations paid for by the bride/groom (not gonna happen but some people think we are paying!)

    Transportation (we are doing this but to and from the wedding venue only, not to the welcome party)

    Something else which I will explain

  • Post # 32
    530 posts
    Busy bee

    I didn’t read through all the other posts, but since everyone’s staying at different locations, I’d want to present them with a little “time line” or schedule so they’ll all arrive at the specified locations on time!

    Post # 33
    1524 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I think the hangover idea is cute!

    (Maybe just be sure you don’t hand one out to someone in AA..?)

    Post # 34
    3579 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    You need to add another option “none”

    By formal etiquette and in my opinion you are not required to do ANYthing listed.

    Go with what you love and have decided to do and have fun!

    Post # 35
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Okay, first off I have NEVER been paid for at a DW!  Even if your a Trump, Rockefeller, Gates, etc. you should NOT be expected to pay a guests’ accomodations.

    I’m a BIG fan of Out of Town bags.  It’s such a nice gesture to show guests that you appreciate all the effort it took to come to your Destination Wedding. It doesn’t have to be big…our Out of Town “bag” for our practically destination wedding (local for us, but destination for 80% of our guests) will include a personalized bottle of water, a list of local attractions & suggested eateries, and a hand-written welcome/thank you note for coming. (debating on the affordability of adding a folded fan or spray-mister- it’s hot in the summer in SoCal) It’s nothing fancy, but it’s thoughtful, just like the guest’s attendance at your wedding. 

    However, at EVERY Destination Wedding I’ve been to (ironically, several, now that I think about it), there have been multiple events hosted by either the couple, the bride’s parents, or the groom’s parents. It just seems appropriate that you do more than just host a 6 hour event when they are most likely setting aside 72+ hours to show up. You’re already doing a welcome party, so I figure you’ve got that covered.  If you’re looking to add some & want some suggestions, here are some I’ve attended, but please know that I’m NOT insinuating that you do any of the following:

    Rehearsal Dinner (like a welcome party, really)

    Sight-seeing tour (I’ve been on a paid one, but one couple also hosted a Free walking tour, led by the groom)

    After-Party (could be as simple as hosting the first round at a post-party bar/club crawl – not hosting the whole night)

    Day After Brunch

    Please note that we are doing NONE of these, but we are hosting TWO ceremonies & TWO receptions on our wedding weekend (plus we’re hosting a bride’s hometown reception 6 months after)…so I think we’ve got this covered in that sense.

    I’m also a fan of favors…I’ve never been to a wedding that didn’t have them.  But then, there’s a first for everything & our wedding will be first I’ve been to that doesn’t have the father-daughter dance, nor any bouquets, nor any champagne (guests can toast with whatever (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) drink is handy), so I’m not judging you if you’re forgoing favors. Actually, since they’re travelling, maybe not having favors is actually considerate (extra packing).

    Post # 38
    1148 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If I had to suggest something it would be out of town bags, because those a re a really nice gesture for everyone away from home.

    But don’t feel guilt from the etiquette police…they’re not the boss of you!

    Post # 39
    884 posts
    Busy bee

    I too marked other because I don’t think you need to have any of those items listed to run afoul of any etiquette standards. I had a destination wedding and we just did candy favors and had NO complaints.  Also, I live in Vegas and transportation along the strip is very easy.

    Post # 41
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee

    Actually, I AM the etiquette police. And I, too, voted for “none of the above”.

    A destination wedding is a compromise on an elopement. It SHOULD be more simple than a grand home wedding. You’ve already agreed to let people in on your romantic escape, which is enough of a compromise. You don’t need to let them dictate any unreasonable add-ons. You CERTAINLY don’t need any kitchy fads like favours and Out of Town bags, which look to children’s birthday parties and business conventions, respectively, for their inspiration. At best, those are an entirely optional indulgence, and then only if done with very good taste and care.

    If you actually invite people, then you “must have”

    – clear indication of where the wedding will be held. People don’t mind having to drive in circles a few times in their home town, but it’s too stressful in a strange place. You don’t need to send a map, but make sure the address on the invitation is good and clear.

    – a reception. A proper one, where you take time to have some personal conversation with every guest. If they travel that far to be with you, they deserve that consideration. It doesn’t need to have dancing and catered food, but there should be refreshments of some sort and a pleasant environment. After all, they can’t go hole up at home if you let them down, and Las Vegas hotels are notoriously short on amenities.

    – your availability. If anyone else wants to plan an event in your honour while you are all down there, you should accept their invitation, so that you can spend more time with the people who have sacrificed their vacation fund and time to be with you for your wedding.

    That’s it. Do that part graciously, and the rest of the demands can roll of your back like water.

    Post # 42
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    i honestly don’t think any of the above are necessary

    Post # 45
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think you HAVE to have any of that stuff either.  I’m getting married in Vegas too, and I know what you mean about trying to figure out a way to deliver an Out of Town bag to a billion different huge hotels.  We are doing a two-hour open bar at a lounge Friday night for a meet and greet, then after the ceremony Saturday night we are doing a two-hour sitdown dinner and open bar.  Each night we plan on going out after the events, but we won’t be covering the cost for everyone after the hosted events are over.  We’re not doing favors because it’s too hard for everyone to stop back in their rooms after and put them away then come back out (plus I think they are a bit of a waste of money in our situation).

    Post # 46
    858 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Everything listed in the poll is nice to have but not required in any way. If you nix any of them, it is not considered a breach of etiquette, contrary to popular belief.

    The topic ‘Help help – the ettiquette police are after me!’ is closed to new replies.

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