Post # 16
do they know about the venue capacity? Can you lie about it? Are they willing to pay all those extra guest.
You’re in a really tough spot. It’s bad to start out on the wrong foot with in laws but at the same time they don’t respect your wishes. There’s only a few ways to go.
1. Just accept it and negotiate to the point to have them pay the extra guests, or there won’t be any wedding because you have no money left.
2. See if you can still lie about the venue capacity.
3. Talk to Fiance and since he’s depressed I say threaten them you will cancel the wedding and lose the deposit. Take your entire family out and have a nice dinner and experience elsewhere in a nice restaurant and explain to your parents what happen and just elope. Chances are, the in laws will be so scared to cancel the wedding they might cave in. And if they call you bluff just do it and have a fun intimate time with you family and elope.
Post # 17
This is why you control your own list. Your list is the final list and if you aren’t on the list, you can’t get in. Do what PP suggested and hire security. Security and the person who extended the invite can deal with the consequences.
Post # 18
- Wedding: June 2014 - The Defoor Centre
Now you have a problem becausee they are actually helping you fund the wedding, but our parents are not and I told my mother that you could only invite 3 people and they can bring 1 quest, but my fiance did not tell his mother the number she were afforded and she had 4 guests plus one of her quest had put 3 other people will be coming with her. So I told him either he tell her or I will tell her that she could invite 3 and for the quest who included her whole family it was not going to happen, so she axe the one with many quest because she could not make up her mind and I need that information by April 17th. I am very strict when it comes to my quests. My plates are $55 dollars per person I must be, we are not rich. My mom did buy our invitations and help me on my dress other than that, my fiance have paid for everything. I am a happy housewife already.
Post # 19
its very simple…. you’ve already stated ow many people they were uspposed to invite and that when the numbers were even the bill was split 3 ways…they will now pay for every extra person they’ve invited NO NEGOTIATION
Post # 20
If you let all 200 come, get a check (and cash it) before the day of the wedding. If they don’t keep their word on number of invites than they may not pay up either.
Post # 21
OP, I think this is a “hill to die on” time… if you let them do this just to “keep the peace” you will be expected to roll over for every holiday, vacation, time with your children, etc. that they want in the future.
Tell your Dear Fiance that they’re his parents and so it’s his job to fix this or make them fix it. Or else you will not be showing up to the wedding and they can enjoy having 100 more guests but no bride.
It doesn’t matter how much you’ve paid or wearing your fancy dress. This will ruin the memories of what should be a wonderful day. They think they can steamroller you and you’ll just give in because the stakes are too high to cancel the wedding. Call their bluff.
Post # 22
Since the invites were already sent I would tell them they can pay for the additional 100 people.
Post # 23
i just had a fight with my mum about ONE extra guest (my aunt wants me invite her husband from whom she has been separated for 15 years and we dot have anything to do with each other). Even for that one person we were standing our ground because we want this to be OUR wedding and we want an intimate one with the people we care about.
So my advice in short is: stand your ground. It’s YOUR wedding. the fact that they’re contributing to the wedding wouldn’t bother me unlike PP has said. If the agreement wasn’t: I’ll give you money if you do as I say, then I’d assume they were giving money because they wanted you to be able to has the wedding if your dreams. I mean they’re his parents, parents help out without requesting something in return.
Also, let your Fiance handle this. It’s a shame he’s had enough of this. Well so have you but theyre his family. It’s important to also be able to have arguments in a relationship. They should be handled in a mature way and not letting thung happen just so you wont have an argument. It’s okay to fight as long as you keep the mutual respect.
What I would do:
1) let all communication with his parents be handled by your fiancé.
2) be firm. Tell them they KNEW they were only allowed 100 guests which is already the same amount of people that you invited so it’s already a very nice gesture of you. Do you have mails or texts where you told / reminded them about the 100 people? Have your Fiance re-send that and tell them they knew all along, end of story.
3) if you do decide to let them take over, make sure they’re paying for all those extra people. even the initial agreement is not fair to you and your parents. They should have covered 59% of the weddin costs to start with. Do they crisply think it’s alright to have your parents pay for the travel AND their (your in laws’) guests???
If you’re giving in now, just know you’re setting yourselves up for misery with the in-laws because they’ll always expect you to do as they say no matter how unreasonable their request may be.
You haven’t said yet where the in laws are from? It does make a difference.