(Closed) Help! How do I address these invitations!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Alip22:  Though you don’t know him, I’m sure your newly married friend will enjoy seeing Mr. & Mrs. addressed on the envelope. Wouldn’t you? You can always put Mr. & Mrs. David and Ainjil Chipp if you want her name on the card…. Or just Mr. and Mrs Chipp.

Post # 4
Member
11366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Alip22:  If you are going to use the honorific “Mrs.” properly for your friend, you cannot use it before her own first name.  The proper manner in which to refer to her as a “Mrs.” is the format that you’d rather not use: Mr. and Mrs. David Chipp.

If your friend Ainjil prefers NOT to be called by her Mrs. honorific, however, you could use Ms. Ainjil Chipp and Mr. David Chipp on the outer envelope.

You are correct that the proper manner in which to address the inner envelope is Mr. and Mrs. Chipp. (Or, you could use Ms. Chipp and Mr. Chipp).

By the way, I am simply thrilled to hear that SOMEONE ELSE is having inner envelopes! I sometimes feel as if I am the only bee who used them! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am doing mine: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.

Post # 9
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Alip22:  If a woman keeps her last name, she is always Ms. and never Mrs., those 2 sites were the only times I’ve seen it done with Mrs.

Post # 10
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Instead of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, you could write Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe. The key is to never separate a man’s first name from his last name, which is why the “Mrs.” comes first here. Older generations tend to prefer the traditional (first) version, though, so I’d hesitate to use the modern version for all of your envelopes.

Post # 11
Member
11366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Alip22:  I just wanted to note that  @bearlove: is correct.  If a woman keeps her maiden name or even if she hyphenates her name, she cannot properly use the “Mrs.” honorific. (Mrs. means “wife of.”) The proper honorific for a woman in these circumstances is always Ms. 

However, it is absolutely proper for a married woman to still use the “Ms.” honorific with her own first name at any time.

Different circumstances may call for different courtesy titles.  However, it’s important to use the proper format of the person’s name to follow the proper courtesy title. For example, if I were sending social correspondence to Jane Doe, who is married to John Doe, I could very properly address the envelope to Mrs. John Doe. However, if she is a woman who dislikes the use of her formal, social title, I also could just as properly address my correspondence to Ms. Jane Doe.  Likewise, if I were writing an article in an employee publication, I likely would refer to Jane as Ms. Jane Doe, not Mrs. John Doe, in her work setting, since she likely would not want to be called by her husband’s name in her own work setting.  However, she would not ever properly be referred to Mrs. Jane Doe (since she cannot be the wife of herself.) I hope this makes sense. 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
11366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@MidwestBride2012:  If I may, I just wanted to make a clarifying comment regarding your comment. You are absolutely correct about not ever separating a man’s first and last names. However, the example you gave actually is incorrect. To clarify by way of an example, if I were properly writing a photo caption for the wedding of Jane Smith to John Doe, I would write, “Jane and Mr. John Doe.”  However, I would not properly be able to use the “Mrs.” honorific before Jane’s name. 

The husband’s name is actually the only name properly used in the Mr. and Mrs. construction.  It is proper to write simply “Mr. and Mrs. Doe” or “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.”  However, it is not ever proper to write “Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe” or “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe.” Still, you are quite correct that if I were listing couples’ names, I would properly place the women’s names before their husbands’ names, i.e., “Jane and John Doe,” so as not to separate a man’s first and last names.

Post # 15
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would do Jane and John Doe (or you could put John first; when I did mine I listed the person I knew best first) on the outside (no Mr./Mrs.), and Mr. and Mrs. Doe on the inside.  The etiquette books can say all they want, but some people (like me) find what is “correct” very offensive (Mr. and Mrs. John Doe drives me NUTS! Even if she changes her last name, she’s not changing her first!).  No one will be offended by Jane and John Doe, so safer is better.  Also, make sure she wants to be a Mrs.  When I debated changing my name, I decided that even if I did, I would always be “Ms.”  Just like a man’s title of “Mr.” doesn’t give away his marital status, I didn’t want my title to do that either.  I ultimately chose to keep my name (and I was a Ms. before my wedding, and I remain a Ms. now).  While I wasn’t at all bothered by wedding cards addressed to Mr. and Mrs. DHlastname, or MyFirst and HisFirst Hislast, we did get one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast.  It was from one of MY friends, so I have to think it was a joke to get under my skin.

You are looking at all the websites, and even those don’t agree.  Your guests will not be looking at them, and might not know what is “proper.”  What they will know is what is offensive to them, so safe is best.

Post # 16
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@EastMeetsBarn:  ugh I agree. I didn’t change my name and I HAAAAAATE being called Mrs. HisFirst HisLast. It’s wrong AND it’s against etiquette! So the people who do it (assuming they know I kept my name) are really doing it to point out that they don’t like that I didn’t change my name. Not surprisingly, I seem to only get this from DH’s family. Too many of them kept referring to me as that despite my saying “oh actually its still Ms. Bearlove!”, going “oh but I’ll still call you Mrs John Doe!” so I signed all thank you cards to those folks with my full name so that I get the last word on that one.

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