(Closed) Help! how do i fight feelings of jealsousy…!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I really think you need to stop comparing yourself to your friends. Everyone has their own luck and struggles. I feel like I *could* write a similar post to you in that my very good friend/MOH just got engaged and her and her fiance have wayyyy more money than me and mine do. They both come from money, we do not. She makes about 3x my base salary (we’re both lawyers). Their wedding will cost about 3 times what ours will. But the thing is… I don’t begrudge her/them any of it and I don’t feel badly about it at ALL. It isn’t a competition. I love her and I’m so happy that she’s happy! Who cares if her wedding costs more? that doesn’t make it better than mine it just makes it different. They don’t think anything bad of us because we don’t have as much money as them, why should we think anything bad about them because they make more? There will always be people with more and less than you… if you spend your whole life comparing what you have to everyone else you will seriously come up unhappy all the time. You should appreciate your blessings, what you have, and work towards your goals in a way that makes sense to you!

Post # 4
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

First of all, welcome to the bee! And congratulations on your engagement.

It’s so hard not to feel down about your friends’ situations, especially when you spend so much time with them. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

What I always try to remind myself though is that life isn’t a competition, despite what we’re often told. Your success in life shouldn’t be defined by anyone but you and your fiance.

To me, it sounds like your life is on a great track. You can get a nice 2-bedroom apartment? That’s awesome! Tons of couples start out in apartments. You and your fiance both have jobs, so there’s always room for advancement/promotions. And you’re getting married to the love of your life. Sounds pretty great. 🙂

Be patient. You and your Fiance will fulfill your dreams together. Don’t worry about what pace your friends are moving at.

Post # 5
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

P.S. If your friends are talking about their good fortune a bit too much, you may be able to talk to your best friend about how you and your fiance are having a bit of a tough time and just ask her to be sensitive. If she’s your best friend, she’ll understand and will do anything she can to not make you feel bad!

Post # 6
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I can understand your frustration. It’s hard to see someone so close to you succeed in a lot of things, while your struggling. It’s hard to be happy for another person when you feel like you’re in the dumps. It’s true. But, look at it this way. You wouldn’t want your friend to be struggling or going through hard times. You want what’s best for them, even if that means that you’re not doing so well…Things will look better for you hopefully and your struggles will only make you a stronger person in the end. Keep your head up and stay strong! Stay positive!

Post # 7
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think the most important thing here is that you’ve realized that you are jealous. It’s hard not to be envious sometimes, especially when you feel like you are struggling. You might not be able to not be jealous right now, but what really matters are your actions. You can be jealous, but don’t act jealous. Some people continue to insist that they aren’t jealous when they are, and I think that’s when things get ugly.

The thing that has helped me when I feel this way is to remember that I have a lot of good things in my life too–that other people would be jealous about. We all want something that we can’t have.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I hear what you are saying, b/c I actually feel slightly uncomfortable around my one friend whose husband is an I-banker and makes millions. You wouldn’t know it on the surface b/c they are both totally down to earth, they never insist on picking up the check or anything it’s always splitsies adn they never talk about things they are buying/how much they are spending, etc. Basically they never throw it in my face. But I can’t help but think about how fabulous their apartment is vs. mine, how much they are paying a month vs. me and how they go away every other weekend flying first class to some fabulous locale, while I suffer through the NYC heat wave without an air conditioner b/c I don’t want to spend the $600.

My advice to you is to recognize that they may have nicer things than you, but at the end of the day they are real people with real problems and need your friendship. Be there for them the same way you want them to be there for you and focus on being happy for them, as they will be happy for you.

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