Post # 1
I just received a wedding invitation to my friend’s wedding. On the outside of the envelop was just my name, but the RSVP card didn’t say anything about number of people attending (ie: no _ of 1 attending , no _ of 2 attending). I’m engaged and live with my fiance. I’m thinking if he was invited, though, his name would have been part of the addressed envelop. It wasn’t. It isn’t like she didn’t know his name either – she could have easily looked it up on facebook.
But when my friend was in town over the holidays, both my fiance and I met up with her. We discussed coming in the night before the wedding…she said the girls would probably go out, while the guys would stay in and play video games. She made it seem like my fiance would be part of the guy’s festivities. Now, I’m not sure. I know my friend and her FH are strapped for money, so I don’t want to flat out ask her if my fiance is invited and guilt her into saying “yes.”
If the wedding was in town, I wouldn’t have a problem going by myself. But the wedding is a far plane ride away and I feel weird traveling so many hours all by myself (I don’t have any friends near me who are also going to the wedding).
What do you think?
Post # 3
Technically she SHOULD have included his name, but bride brain can be ugly, so I’d just ask her (in a nonsnarky way) if he is included….a call to say “Hey, I know how tight money and space can be when wedding planning, so I didn’t want to assume anything. Is Mr. Coffee included in the invitation?” That was she knows you aren’t EXPECTING to bring him.
Post # 4
Technically it sounds as though he is not invited.
Post # 5
I would ask her… since you’re engaged too you can play the “i know how tough guests lists can be and wanted to be sure that I read this correctly” card and just ask her if it’s only you that is invited. If you word it that way you won’t be guilting her into saying yes (as opposed to saying “Is my fiance invited?” and then she’s on the spot).
I think you’d be better off asking for clarification then showing up with him (or without!). As a bride I would understand if my friends questioned it. 🙂
Post # 6
I think you need to ask her. Say you need to look into ticket prices and you weren’t sure if Fiance was invited. I would assume that he wasn’t invited, but since she made it seem like he was in a conversation you need to ask. Maybe someone else wrote out that invitation and his name was overlooked.
Post # 7
i think just give her a call and ask. it’s better to be sure than to try figuring it out on your own and getting it wrong.
Post # 8
Your fiance should be invited (per etiquette at least…since you are engaged and living together), but the way she addressed the envelope would seem that he isn’t.
Definitely call and ask her. I think if she wasn’t inviting him, she probably should have mentioned it before sending the invite. It could have just been a mistake on her part, or as you said, maybe they can’t afford it. Either way, just say you weren’t sure if he was or not, and that you’d understand if they couldn’t extend an invite to him.
Post # 9
I agree with nmsooner bride.. you gotta ask her, no one other way to be sure
Post # 10
I can see why it’s a little difficult because even if you ask, would you really go alone? I think you should have a back-up story in case she says it’s a solo invite =/
Post # 11
I’d check with her to be sure that he’s not invited, as a fiance should ALWAYS be invited per ettiquette. But, unfortunately, it sounds like he’s not.
Once you know for sure, you have the option not to attend. Honestly, my Fiance and I have been together for 4+ years and he’s met all of my friends who are invited to the wedding on several occasions. If he weren’t invited, I’d probably not go… Unless it was a wedding where all of my other friends who were invited didn’t have SO’s, FIs, or husbands.
Post # 12
Ask her. I am finding out a lot of people who don’t come to these websites really don’t know how to address their invites. My FI’s little brothers wife made all of her invites out to her friends only even if they had live in boyfriends. I told her about this and she said that of course their SO’s, FI’s were invited but she didn’t know them that well so she only put her friends name on the invite.
Post # 13
I assume that she hasn’t invited him. If you ask her, it sounds like you are requesting him to be invited which puts her in a position if she doesn’t want him there (most probably due to financial constraints). I think you should decide whether you are willing to go yourself or not.
Personally I think she should have invited him because you are almost married but she has obviously decided otherwise.
Post # 14
Thanks for all the advice. I think I’m just going to have to ask her for clarification in a way to not guilt her into saying yes. She is a good friend of mine, actually she is one of my bridesmaids, so I am definitely going to attend with or without fiance. I just wish she wouldn’t have put me in this situation, by reading weddingbee and following proper ettiquette, lol 🙂
Oh well, I am thinking I’ll have fiance fly out with me regardless. It can be a mini vacation for us since neither one of us has been out west. Which brings me to my other ettiquette question? Who pays for fiance’s plane ticket in this situation? Me or him?
Post # 15
Depends on how you guys normally split things. With my fiance and I, whoever’s event it is pays. With one of my friends, she and her bf split down the middle on everything. With another, her bf makes about double what she does, so he usually pays for most things. I would say that most couples I know (that are dating, anyway,) each person buys their own flight and the person who’s event it is pays for lodging and other expenses. Ha, sorry. not too helpful, but there aren’t any rules.
Post # 16
I would say just ask, in a nonjudgmental/nice way.. something along the lines of “I don’t mind either way, but I was a bit confused by the invite and wondering if my fiance was invited as well?”. Or at least, that’s what my initial reaction would be to do 🙂