Post # 1
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
I have a cousin who is the same as as I am (6 months younger) and we were extremely close in our child hood and into late teens. then we both moved on with adults lives. stayed in contact, but she’s been struggeling with things (abusive father of her kids, and some mental illness) just when I thought she was getting things together she meet a new guy, moved her and her kids in with him. and he’s worse then the frist. he’s abusive. landed her in the hospital many times. and now they’ve registered as Domestic partners. I will extend an invite to her and her kids to the wedding. I don’t know that they’d come or not (and honestly I”m not heart broken if they don’t, probably better actually) but I had no intention of including him, even though I know I should. but now that she told me about the DP I feel like there is no way around inviting him now (because, honestly I wasn’t sure if they were still together)
so how do I make this okay? or do I not… the other thing is the bridal shower that is being hoested for me that would include this side of the family will be co-ed since most the family won’t make it (I live out ot state and the wedding is a good 4-6 hour drive for most of them)… but so he’d need to be nvited to the shower too correct? even if he might not be safe to have around?
okay to through etiquette out the window for this situation
Post # 3
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
The thing I would worry about is your cousin’s safety if you DON’T invite the asshole. He could take it out on her feeling like her family is shunning him.
Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
I agree with PP. The only way you cannot invite him is if you do not invite your cousin. He is more likely to beat on her if she tries to leave somewhere without him, especially if it is known he is not invited.
Post # 5
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I dunno, I disagree with the others. If you don’t really know the guy and he’s a flat-out asshole (abusing her into the hospital?!) then it’s pretty reasonable to JUST invite her and the kids. I can’t imagine anyone in your family (except her) would object, would they?
I actually have a cousin in a similar boat – multiple baby daddies, mental and substance abuse issues, and a new abusive bf. They are not “domestic partners” technically, but they do live together. NO WAY in hell am I inviting the guy to my wedding, and my family would never expect me to.
Post # 6
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
@lolot: Do you really not get what we’re saying? We are concerned about her cousin’s safety. Obviously it sucks that this jerk might show up at the wedding, but I think things might be worse for the cousin if he’s not even invited.
Post # 7
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@oneofthesethings: Yes I fully comprehend what you’re saying. If their relationship is this bad, though, I don’t know what good it would do to invite the deadbeat to the wedding. As someone in this position, trust me, I’ve thought about it.
The specific question was about the wedding. In general, I hope the OP and her family has done whatever they can to get the cousin away from this guy. But in terms of a wedding invite, again – I don’t think it’s the OP’s responsibility to invite the guy, on the hypothetical case that it might make matters worse otherwise, if she does not feel comfortable doing so.
Post # 8
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
It sounds like he is a controlling asshole, so honestly if you only invite your cousin and not him, she probably won’t go (either he won’t let her, or as PPs have said, she might just choose not to go to avoid the possible violent reaction he might have).
Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
If he’s not invited, he’s not going to let her go anyways (most likely), so either invite them all or don’t invite any of them.
Post # 11
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
@oneofthesethings:
@ghiagirl893:
@lolot:
@oneofthesethings:
@LilliePad:
@MrsWBS:
@deetroitwhat:
thanks, I decided to include him, I’m pretty sure he won’t make the drive (3-4 hours) and will jus thope he allows her to go.
and yes we’ve tried to get her help, but she’s fighting a lot of personal demons right now, so it’s not just him 🙁
Post # 12
Member
10 posts
Newbee
You can always have a candid discussion with your cousin about the implications first.
Member