(Closed) Help! How Do I Tell My Dad That My Stepdad is Walking Me Down The Aisle Too?????

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Take my opinion with a huge chunk of salt bc I’m 35 and find the older I get the less I care to handle people with kid gloves. If it were me I’d briefly let him know your plan, firmly state this is your decision and not leave any room for discussion. If he chooses to throw a childish tantrum or threaten not to walk with you at all then thats on him. At the end of the day its your decision.

Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

If he is a narcissist, you know this is not going to go well. At. All.  Stand your ground. Do not explain, discuss, try to reason…. state the facts and he’ll do what he’ll do.

And, having had a narc father, I can tell you to be prepared for him to walk out of your life if you don’t bend to his will and “honor him”.

Please do not let this deter you from doing the right thing for you and for your stepfather.

Post # 4
Member
10044 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would tell him your decision with no explanation. If he tries to argue just say “This is what I’ve decided and my hope is that you can respect my decision and be happy to share walking me down the aisle, however if you can’t I completely understand and your welcome to sit it out.”

Post # 5
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

I’m all for having mothers escort the bride, if they’ve been a constant presense in your life. Or walk by yourself, with your future husband, or have hubby meet you half way?

In my family/social circle it’s very common for both parents to walk with the bride, and it has nothing to do with religion, ethnicity, etc.

I have an aquaintance whose daughter asked her grandmother to escort her, despite both parents attending (and still married); the grandmother had always lived with the family.

Post # 6
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee

Your call for sure, but why do you feel you have to tell him at all? 

Let it happen naturally at your rehearsal or on the day.

Unless you think he’d make a scene, he’ll either be in or out. You’ll have to decide, of course, whether you want to deal with whining and guilt heaping for the long term or not.

Hope everything works out beautifully!

Post # 7
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

I have a narsasstic father and he isn’t even invited to my wedding, my stepdad is walking me down the isle. If I was in your situation I wouldn’t have him walking me down the isle at all and just stick with your stepdad. Either way, explain to your father very clearly that you want both of them to walk you down the isle. Stay firm if he kicks off and explain that if he can’t cope with that then just your stepdad will walk you.

Post # 8
Member
7183 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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heavenlyflower :  A. Freaking. Men.

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lanagrace :  As someone else who is in their early 30’s, with divorced parents, I made the decision a long time ago that I don’t negotiate with emotional terrorists. I have no time in my life for people who aren’t supportive. Just tell your dad is a nice but respectful way. If he wants to react and behave badly tell him he’s welcome to attend as a guest and not walk you down the aisle at all.

I disagree with those who say just have your mom walk you down. You shouldn’t have to punish your stepdad because your dad acts like a child. My stepmom is a huge part of my life and we are very very close. It was very important to me that at my wedding she was treated as a mom, because she is one, and just because my mom was also there didn’t make my stepmom any less important. If my mom had a problem with that I would have 100% told her she was welcome to stay home.

Post # 9
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Saint Domingue

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lanagrace :  “I’ve decided to have the two most important men in my life walk me down the aisle, you, dad, and *insert stepdad’s name here*”

 

Nothing says your biological father (or anyone for that matter) needs to walk you down the aisle.  

 

For my my first wedding I had my stepdad walk me down the aisle.  My bio dad was in attendance. 

 

For my second wedding I had my eldest son walk with me.  

 

I know family dynamics add an entirely new set of worries to a wedding, but I think you’ll figure out the right way to do this for you.  Take care! 

Post # 11
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t really have advice. but I wanted to comment and say how sweet of you it is to include your step-dad. I am a step mom and it feels great when my step son includes me in his drawings or what not (He’s 6).

Do what makes YOU happy. I know this may sound mean but if you’re dad refuses or throws a fit, then forget him and remember you have your step-dad. You’re dad should put his feelings aside for your sake and walk you down the isle with your step-dad and if he can’t that is so sad..

Post # 12
Member
6424 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe I’m biased on this.  But I had a friend who had a steptfather who had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember and she chose to only have her stepfather walk her down the aisle instead of her biological father because to her that was her father.  And I would have done the same thing.

I would talk to your father and if he has any issues or opinions you can tell him that your stepfather will be walking you down only then.  Your dad needs to understand that your stepfather is every much your father as he is.

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