Post # 1
For the most part, I’m a relaxed, understanding, and rational gal. My boyfriend and I tend to get along famously. I support his goals, his hobbies, his desires – and he offers me the same.
However, when a party/bar/alcohol related event comes his way, I get antsy. I get nervous. I get bratty.
And because I didn’t want to argue with my boyfriend, I put on a smile, and then immediately came here to the good ol’ hive. Thank you in advance for letting me vent.
Deep down, my boyfriend’s brother is a good guy. But he’s also recently divorced after a year-long marriage (he was married at 25), and dealing with it with copious amounts of partying. His current outlook on love, marriage, and relationships isn’t the brightest, and he lets you know it. When he goes out, he goes big – rounds of shots, girls that are less than classy, dancing, the list goes on – and he wants his whole group to enjoy the “fun”. You all know the drill. Tonight is said brother’s birthday. Boyfriend will be attending. I will not, due to a previously planned dinner party with my girl friends.
So….I am uncomfortable. I don’t want to be. I trust my boyfriend to the fullest and he’s never done me wrong. He isn’t a big partier, and is very committed to “us”. But I still catch myself feeling irritated about the whole darn thing. Ahhh!
Advice – words of wisdom? Thanks!
Post # 3
Maybe plan a girls’ night out for the same time? That way you won’t be sitting at home, thinking about it all night.
Post # 4
I agree with hilsy85, a girls night out should help. If your Boyfriend or Best Friend isn’t the kind to do anything questionable, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 5
I like to plan a girl’s night out when Fiance goes out with the guys. It happens rarely because we’re both homebodies who spend most of our time with each other, our animals, and our families or mutal friends. We planned our bachelor and bachelorette parties for the same night. Sometimes if I can’t do a girl’s night and Fiance is going out with the boys I’ll go shopping with his mother or stay home and read or go to the pool.
Post # 6
ugh, i feel your pain. My Boyfriend or Best Friend has a group of friends whose entire goal when they go out is to get as drunk as possible, which is fun sometimes, but i get the same feeling you do when he goes out with them without me. I trust him a million percent, but there is still a little nagging voice in my head that is not happy about it. I think it is important for us to have time alone with our friends, so I have learned to try to ignore the voice, and do things I enjoy doing when he goes out, like go out with my friends, or do absolutely nothing but lay in bed and watch girly movies.
Post # 7
Ugh I know how you feel. My Fiance has this one friend I cant stand. He is a womanizer and an ass to me and I still dont know how my Fiance and him became friends. Every time he is around I get so nervous, not because I dont trust my Fiance, but because I dont trust this dumb friend of his lol
The only advice I can offer is keep your mind off of it by doing something that is super-fun. Whether it be going out with girlfriends or being with your family, thats for you to decide.
Post # 8
Have you asked your boyfriend’s opinion on the matter?
Post # 9
I don’t care if my Fiance goes out with the boys. I only care when he comes home drunk every single time. We actually got into a huge fight about that this week. 🙁
Post # 10
having him call me when he gets home usually makes me feel better.
Post # 11
Well, I can’t personally relate, since I never have this feeling. BUT, I am a big believer in open communication as a means to trust. Sounds like you need to be actively discussing this with him so that you will feel better about things!
Post # 12
I am so with you! I love my Fiance, and I even think most of his friends are OK. But when it comes to the way they talk about women and stupid things like those text message forwards with the naked pictures, I get so annoyed. We have baled hay for his family all week, so we really haven’t seen each other AND we worked our asses off. Today he said that we were both going to go out with his friends, which would have been a welcome end to a really long day, but then he it changed to that he’s just going to go to someone’s house so they can watch some fight on TV. I get so annoyed. He doesn’t drink too much and he’s really responsible other than staying out too late and then gets tired and cranky the next day but it irks me that we can’t ever go out as couples. All his friends are either single or not in serious relationships yet so we never have social times like that. It’s so frustrating.
It sounds like you have a little more to be upset about, but it sounds like your fiance is responsible and can separate his brother’s cynicism from his own life. Hope the hive can cheer you up!
Post # 13
@Amaryllis: My Fiance is off watching some fight too! I was invited, but I dont really want to partake in that lol
Post # 14
@HoneyBear: I don’t know why this bothers me. When he goes to play volleyball with this same group of friends it doesn’t get under my skin as much. I just know that they can be chauvanistic a-holes when they want to be, and anything billed as “man time” just makes me grumpy because I know my Fiance can be better than that. Well, and the fact that this almost invariable happens after we haven’t been spending much quality time together, which just makes it that much worse.
But I handle it similarly as the OP, I just let it go because it’s not that often and he behaves even if I don’t like the setting in general. Not worth picking a fight over!
Post # 15
I think you are handling yourself perfectly. It IS normal to be jealous sometimes – and you didn’t make a fuss to him – yet are finding ways to cope with the feelings. It’s great that you trust your Boyfriend or Best Friend, and who wouldn’t be jealous if he’s around a bunch of single girls, etc. It’s also great that you give him important guy time. I will say it WILL get easier over time – especially when he comes home and tells you how much he missed you (which, trust me, he WILL do).
Post # 16
Some of my fiance’s friends are very similar. When they party, they party hard, and some of their relationships with women aren’t the best examples, let’s just put it that way. We fought about this very thing a couple of years into our relationship. It made me nervous that he was going to either feel peer pressured into joining in on the same things, especially while inebriated, or would pick up their habits.
He told me that even though his friends were acting in a certain way, he was his own person, capable of making his own decisions. And I don’t know when it really “clicked” for me, but it totally doesn’t bother me anymore. I guess he demonstrated to me enough times that he wasn’t interested in making the same choices as his friends, so I had no reason to doubt him.
In fact, a couple of months ago he went out of town with these friends to party for the weekend, and because of the roaming charges we couldn’t call or text very often. I ended up not calling/texting him at all, and letting him text me whenever he had the chance. I think honestly it kept him on his toes that I wasn’t calling him 24/7 or worrying about it. When he came back he was very excited to see me, said he missed me, and thanked me for being understanding and letting him have some much needed fun with his friends, some of whom he said had girlfriends nagging them on the phone the whole time. I ended up feeling really appreciated.
So, I can relate to your feelings for sure. I think every couple has to figure these boundaries of trust between each other, at their own pace, but I wanted to chime in and let you know that it is possible to get to a point where it doesn’t bother you so much anymore! Having a girl’s night out would probably help get to that point.