Post # 1
Our wedding is being held in Massachusetts at a beautiful mansion, but the ballroom is on the smaller side. It holds ONLY 124 people maximum. Right now, our guest list is 144 people, and I am scared that this is too many to invite! The vast majority of my family will be able to attend, and my fiance’s family is from Ohio..so we have no idea how many will show up from his side. Most of them could attend, or many of them could decide not to attend! With a 124 person max, how many people do you think we can invite??? Is 144 too many??
Post # 3
I’m going through the same situation. But everything I’ve heard is don’t invite more than your venue can hold! How awkward would it be to call and uninvite someone because you couldn’t fit them?
ETA: Talk to your parents and FI’s parents to figure out who would actually come. FI’s mom is inviting a lot of obligatory family members, but the 90 year old great aunt isn’t flying in from California for it… there are few we know are absolute no’s off the bat.
Post # 4
@[email protected]: maybe send the out of town invites earlier with an earlier RSVP Date and then do your locals based on how many out of towners said they were/weren’t coming?
Post # 5
@[email protected]: I wouldn’t invite more than 124 unless they are courtesy invites to which you know the guest will decline. I would talk to your fiance’s family & see who plans to fly out. That’s what we did with my fiance’s family, and many people expressed regrets that they wouldn’t be able to make it. We still sent courtesy invites as a gesture.
Post # 6
I had a lot of relatives from across the ocean so I had my mom asked them way way way earlier than my Save The Dates. That way I have a feeling how many is THINKING to travel at all and some just flat out said they can’t come. So you will get a better feeling how many are planning to come.
But try not to invite more than you can have, if most of them are locals, chances are they will come and depends on your +1 situations too.
Better plan small if you have more room, add more later. Invite and then uninvite people later on is very hard to deal with.
Post # 7
I am/was in a similar spot… we’re getting married in MA and most of my family is from the area so they will definitely come, and FI’s family is in the midwest. Our room holds 120 people max! I remain completely unwilling to invite more than 120 people, mostly because I actually want the number to drop closer to 100 so we don’t stretch our budget too thin.
Post # 8
We did not over invite what the capacity was, but when people declined we invited more people.
Post # 9
@Pom that is a really good idea!!
@Beckster that’s exactly what I want to do, too. I have 64 guests but my fiance has 80 guests on the list!! He is refusing to take anyone else off saying that “he really can’t” but I seriously don’t want to cut back any more from mine knowing that I have already gotten my # down to 64! Ugh, this is really hard and I feel like he and I keep getting into arguments over it. :/
Post # 10
Keep in mind that if you’re standing by a hard 64 number for your guests, you are asking you Fiance to take a bigger hit than you are by limiting his invitees to 60. I suggest that if you want to set an example, take it down to 62 which is where you guys would be even and make that point to him.
Also, look at his list and compare the types of guests with your guests. Is he inviting more distant relatives when you already made that sacrifice?
Otherwise, you can always look for an alternate venue that can actually hold the number of guests you want to invite. Right now, you absolutely must have at least 14% of your invitation decline. That assumes that you two aren’t included in the maximum capacity/guest list trouble numbers. If you aren’t including yourselves in the guest list number, but you should be included in the maximum seating, then you absolutely must have at least 16% of your guests decline.
That seems awefully risky in planning, especially if you really are down to people who are pretty assuredly going to attend from your own side. If he is also down to the absolute most important people who are, therefore, more likely to try and make the trip, then you guys are very likely asking for trouble.
Post # 11
In addition to a B-list, maybe you can work with the venue to fit more people? Our location can only accommodate an indoor seated dinner of 110-120 (apparently that’s the largest we can do indoors on the island we chose for the wedding), and that was not a realistic number for us so we had to get creative. The result: we’ll have cocktails in their biggest reception room, with a few big tables and hi-tops set up, then we’ll move to a heated tent on their lawn for a 165-person seated dinner, and back indoors for the dancing and dessert. Tables/chairs/plates are coming from the venue so the only addt’l fee is the tent.
Post # 12
I know that everyone says a certain number of people will RSVP no, but just a word to the wise…. our response rate has been WAY higher. Nos are finally starting to come in, but we’re still at like, 92%. Fortunately we have the space.
I would not go 20 people over the max, personally. I would do 124, and then invite more if you can. Which opens up the whole “B lists are rude!” type of thing, but whatever. I think for the most part people understand.
Post # 13
I would just say be really careful not to over invite just incase.
We originally invited 120 on our A list – friends and family along with aunties and uncles (we couldn’t have cousins it was just too many) and we only had 4 no’s!
We were shocked because we invited a lot of people from overseas etc so just be wary that they might all come!
I agree with talking to your venue, and also get an idea from save the dates with the out of towners if they think they will come or not.
Post # 14
I was always worried about even reaching the ‘max’ at a venue because I think it can be a bit tight as a guest. One of my friends got married at a mansion in upstate NY a few years ago and they went a bit over capacity and it was so incredibly difficult to move around the venue – and I actually had to sit on my FI’s lap during the dinner service since they didn’t have enough room for the chairs. It was quite noticeable that it was not the right sized space for the amount of guests.
Post # 15
Thank you for all the help ladies!!
I think we have decided to do a guest “A” list and then a “B” list. As we start to get back the A listers, if they RSVP “no” then we will send out an invite to a B lister. Do you think this will work okay?
Also if I send out the A list invites two months in advance I am hoping that will give us enough time to invite the B list but not make it seem like they were last minute choices.
Post # 16
Do NOT invite more people than your venue can hold. It doesn’t matter if Great Aunt Poppy doesn’t travel, or that Mr. Smith from across the street is bedridden. There are many weddings that get a 100% positive response rate.
Also, don’t do an A list and a B list. Peoples’ plans change. What will you do if someone responds no, then you use ‘their spot’ to invite someone else, the B list guest says yes, and then the A list guest says their plans have changed and they will come after all. Are you going to tell the A guests they are no longer welcome?