(Closed) HELP!! How much to spend on bridesmaids gifts? Am I being a brat??!!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
stepherknee514:  Your gift certificate plus babysitting IOU is a really thoughtful idea! I’m sure that or jewellery would be appreciated. 

Post # 18
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I agree 100% with @lareolin … I had a whole list of things i wanted to get my girls but #1 we’re paying for our wedding alone and my budget wont premit it, and #2 they arent doing ANYTHING but showing up. I got them errings for the wedding. I just feel like im trying to accomodate them more then they are being supportive of me and MY big day. And i get it, no one will care as much as you, and thats 100% FACT. But to not receive any response back to messages, or even act like you’re somewhat happy for me is sad. 

 

To answer your question hun, YES thats too much, for unreatful ppl. I’d recommend 1 or 2 things. Eitherway they should be happy that you CHOSE to haev them be a part of your big day. Also i read that the gift amounts are suposed to be an estimate on how much they invest (if they traveled, took days off, payed for this or that).  https://www.theknot.com/content/bridesmaid-gift-shopping-tips

Post # 19
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
stepherknee514:  I wouldn’t spend that much honestly. That is almost $500 for just bridesmaid gifts. Can you imagine how you could spend that $500 otherwise?? As far as them being aloof…. yes I think that they are being a little inconsiderate and could show some more pro-active behaviors. My Maid/Matron of Honor paid for my entire bachelorette party experience and bought rounds of shots for everyone and rented umbrellas and chairs for the beach without letting anyone pay her back and absolutely refused to let me to pay for a dime. That is how bridesmaids and MOHs are supposed to be. Now I tried very hard to give some kind of contribution and my other friends who went wanted to pay her back but she didn’t allow it! Your friends definitely need to step it up! Now I can definitely tell you I never expected this from my bridal party but luckily they just stepped up and no you are absolutely without a doubt not being a brat. Especially if you have done this for your friends, you deserve the same.

My BMs are getting for their presents (wedding is 1 month and a half away).. A monogrammed tote bag… 8 tote bags were $18 in TOTAL and I got them monogrammed for a grand total of $63. Tank tops to wear the day of which in total were $30 and they will have “Matron of Honor” “Maid of Honor” and “Bridesmaid” on them for free..I got lucky with someone who is doing this as a favor. I am also doing this for flower girls, ring bearer, and mother of the bride. Pearl necklaces were $10 each which they will wear on wedding day and lastly I am making a hair piece for each of them which the supplies ended up costing per piece about $8. I know they will be perfectly happy with each of these presents and they are personalized. You have so many expenses coming up you can’t even imagine, bride to be…. don’t waste it on that. And have a talk with your girls if you need to…. they need to step it up. Good luck hun!

 

PS Do ALOT of research before buying stuff on the fly. LOOK FOR BARGAINS!

Post # 20
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
stepherknee514:  About paying for hair and make up… I was not going to have them get make up done but they requested it. Hair of course they are going to get done. When we discussed the hair and make up stuff, they all said they would pay for their own without me even having to have that discussion. I have always paid for my own hair and make up in any wedding I have been a part of so I don’t find it to be a problem.

Post # 21
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

 

View original reply
stepherknee514:  Hi! just wanted to say I love the sound of your style and I would have been happy to a bridesmaid for someone like you.  I’m trying to go similar myself-laid back and make it so everyone can just enjoy the day with me, too. 

Just a couple thoughts–my mom keeps gently reminding me, too, that when i asked my friends to be my bridesmaids and they said “yes”–that means they agreed to be “maids”.  Not in a servant sense, but definitely as helpers.  That’s their role, and if they’re not making time at all with you or fulfilling promises of wedding planning–then they’re not fulfilling the role of a bridesmaid.  It’s sticky how to approach it, but I’m sure you could think of a text or email to send them personally to let them know that you’re feeling like you need help…?  Or do you have a bridesmaid that you could confide in who could pass that along to the others?

Second–the wedding planning thing–I have a friend who promised to do that and be the wedding day coordinator, but she’s never been actually available for discussing stuff and making plans.  It’s okay, I know she’s busy, but I decided to ask my sister in law to “help” her on the day of the wedding…mostly because I need to make sure I have a back-up plan in case she never comes through.  I love how someone else said, “no one else is going to care about your wedding as much as you”.  It’s true, but there are traditions of having bridesmaids for a reason, because we need others to help us and if they said yes, they’re agreeing to more than posing up front with you.

Third–to me, that much money spent on each bridesmaid would be financially hard no matter how helpful they are.  Plus, the thank you gift is to thank them for their help–not for just wearing a dress and showing up at the wedding.  So maybe some simple jewelry is perfect, and you could let them work up a social time like the nail salon.

Post # 23
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
stepherknee514:  girl…. This time is about you lol. If you want to go to a spa, by all means tell him that you appreciate the effort but would much rather this idea instead. If people have a problem with it then clearly they’re being selfish. After all its YOUR trip. I’m not a selfish person at all and I’m always the one to put everyone before me but this is the one time you can have things be about you… Keep that in mind. This is your time to be the blushing bride!

Post # 24
Member
43 posts
Newbee

Wondering where you found the bag, robe, and tumbler deal? Just interested in peeking haha still trying to figure out my bridesmaids gifts as well.  

Post # 25
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was the laid back bride too and I have to say…give them SOME guidance.  As in, style of shoes or style of dress or color of dress or whatever.  Otherwise it can actually come back and bite you in the butt later.  Say they all get the same style of dress but in different colors, or the same color but different styles.  Say they all get the exact same shoes, or say they get a similar style.  Say you get them all the same jewelry.  You get the picture.  I was practical with my requests personally…I chose shoes that I knew they could wear again if they so chose, otherwise they could sell on Craigslist later.  I chose jewelry that will go with any and everything in their day-to-day lives.  I chose dresses that looked really good on them so they could either wear it again OR they could sell it if they so chose.  I still gave them guidelines, even though I didn’t *really* care if they all had the same shoes.  That actually worked really well.

I paid for all of them to get their hair done at the salon the morning of because I didn’t want to “require” it and I’m really glad that we had that experience together.  It was super fun having everyone there in the chairs at the same time and being able to experience that with my bridesmaids.

I also personally feel like that seems like a lot per person for nails.  If you want more of a relaxation time with them I would consider massages instead, or maybe paying for hair and/or make up at the salon.

Post # 26
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

IMO since this is our big day and really only matters to us and I just want my bridal party , family, and friends to celebrate WITH us. I am trying to lessen the burden as much as possible. I dont expect my bridal party to be “maids ” or “servants” because these are my closest of friends and all I want is for them to be a part of my journey. No need to get your feathers riled up. Have fun. The journey is as important as the destination.  

Post # 27
Member
10817 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
GFerg:  
View original reply
saratiara2:  Yes me too. Robes, or worse, some joky tee shirt/romper thing that you just  know you’ll  look awful in. Course you  wear it to be accomodating , but oh dear….. 

Post # 28
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
stepherknee514:  no you are not being a brat! it’s understandable to feel that way, that you put in so much time, thought, and effort into their weddings, and feeling it is not reciprocated back when it’s your turn for your wedding.

i do think $100+ is a bit much. i was just like you, and wanted to spend a lot on my bridesmaids to show them how much i appreciated them but like you–i realized most of my Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t do crap. it was my Maid/Matron of Honor who did everything, while the other Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t seem they could be “bothered” to answer chain emails or show up on time to the events or do anything extra. after awhile i also thought–why am i spending so much when they really didn’t do anything!? my parents also paid for my shower and bachelorette, so like you, there was even less burden on the Bridesmaid or Best Man.

my solution– i gave them all gifts, but gave my Maid/Matron of Honor another special gift after the wedding, to truly thank her for going above and beyond. 

some brides give gifts that are around the same as how much the bridesmaid dress cost. some give smaller gifts if the bride pays for their hair, makeup, nails, dress, etc, while some brides give more when the bridesmaids pay for everything themselves. it’s really up to you.

Post # 29
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
mrs2beebree31816:  I went the same route as you. I’d budged to spend £30 on all 5 of them so not a huge amount, but I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to get all of them and not imaginative enough to buy them all different gifts – plus, they are literally just turning up so I don’t feel like I need to… terrible wording but… reward their input in the wedding. I’ve done everything myself.

So what I did instead was find an eBay seller who created bracelets for them to wear on the wedding day in our colours. They each have their names on silver beads so aren’t exactly the same. Cost me a few pounds each, and if they want to throw them away afterwards, then fine, I won’t know any better or feel like I wasted a fortune.

One Bridesmaid or Best Man, who I asked into the bridal party at the last minute because she HAD been a brilliant support, I’ve bought her a Star Baker apron (she insisted on making us cupcakes for the wedding reception) and we’ve paid for her & her boyfriend to stay at the venue the night of the wedding. The expense on her is justified because I couldn’t have got through the planning without her. The others I genuinely only bought gifts for because tradition says I should, which wouldn’t have been my opinion if they’d involved themselves in the planning – they chose not to, so I chose not to spend a fortune. Simple.

Post # 30
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

sorry OP I tuned out after you talked about the gift… lol

I gave my bridesmaids a robe, an initial mug and a bridesmaid mini emergency kit! They loved it all.. a lot of people on here will say “dont give robes blah blah blah” but only you know your friends and what you would like. I spent maybe 70-80 per person.

Some bridesmaids, myself included, would be find with the bride paying for my haoir, nails etc for the wedding as a gift. It wouldn’t bother me in the least. The bottom line is you know your friends and what they would appreciate better than anyone on a wedding board.

The topic ‘HELP!! How much to spend on bridesmaids gifts? Am I being a brat??!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors