(Closed) HELP! How to Fire a Bridesmaid??

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
13902 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This sucks, because there’s no nice way to do this.  Once you kick them out of the bridal party, you’re basically done with these friendships.  Is kicking #1 out also going to affect your FIs relationship with the Best Man?  Is he still going to come to the wedding after you kick his wife out of the bridal party?

I don’t know what the deal is with the first one, but it really sounds like you’ve known from the start that asking Bridesmaid or Best Man 2 to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man was a bad idea.  She was flaky and unreliable before, and she’s flaky and unreliable now.

ETA: When/if you meet with them, be honest.  Use “I” words “I feel ignored” or “I needed more input and participation from you.”  However, with the wedding over a year away, perhaps they just have a lot of other things to focus on?

Post # 4
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

They do not work for you therefore you cannot fire them….

Sorry, but you sound rather bridezillaish (even YOU brought it up)….

Yes, I think it was kind of crappy that the Best Man cancelled on DJing for you…what was the function for? something super important taht you MUST have a DJ for ?  If they needed the money from his paying gig, maybe you could’ve been a bit more understanding….

I also find it odd that you asked 2 people whom you do not seem close to to be bridesmaids for you…..did you just want a bigger bridal party?

I think either way, this won’t end well…especially since the best man is the BM’s husband…

Post # 5
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@smcs28:  This.

Post # 6
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Iowa

It sounds like you’re doing the right thing if these two girls are so dificult to get ahold of. After the blow up with bridesmaid 1 it sounds like she doesn’t WANT to be in your wedding, or she would be talking to you, returning your calls, etc. I don’t think she’ll be surprised to know she is no longer a bridesmaid, if she hasn’t already just assumed that she’s not. Since she won’t even talk to you maybe its easier to just have the best man tell her? Or write a letter for him to deliver?

Apologize again for the altercation, obviously she’s not willing to forgive you for it, so as much as you were hoping that the two of you could move past it and continue to be friends, that is not going to be happen so she it is no longer needed as a bridemaid.

Bridesmaid 2 – I would try to call her or if you can visit her, and see what is up? Why won’t she contact you? Again, tell her, you were really hoping to be closer friends, but that hasn’t happened, so she’s no longer needed as a bridesmaid. Or maybe just tell her that you’ve decided to only have 1 person on each side and she won’t need more of an explanation.

It looks like you’re far enough out that they haven’t invested any money into the wedding yet, so it shouldn’t be a big deal for either of these girls.

Post # 7
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What did you tell the groomsmen? They seemed pretty understanding about the whole thing…maybe you could just do the same with your bridesmaids. Just tell them that after a lot of consideration you’ve decided that you’d like to have one Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man stand up with you. Let them know that you’d still love for them both to attend the wedding as guests and you hope they understand. I wouldn’t approach this as a confrontation where you’re “firing” anyone. Just talk it out and let them know you’ve changed your mind.

Post # 8
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

If you feel like you can’t rely on them now it’s best to let them go. I had the same nagging feeling about a former Bridesmaid or Best Man of mine…came to find out one day that she up and moved out of the state without telling me! Your gut feeling is usually right, just let them down easy (“I realize you have a lot going on right now, and I don’t want to place any extra pressure on you, I would love for you to still be there as a guest, of course”) and move on with planning.

Post # 9
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They aren’t employees, so you aren’t firing them.  You’re asking to step down, which is a friendship-ending move.

Bridesmaid 1: She advised her partner to take a paying gig over a non-paying gig.  While that stinks, sometimes that’s the way the world works.  Maybe they need the money right now.

Bridesmaid 2: You cannot expect someone to change their relationship with you just because they are part of your bridal party.  That will not happen.  People are who they are.

The only requirements of a bridesmaid are them showing up in the decided upon dress, smile for pics, and maybe help you bustle your dress or hold your flowers.  You don’t need to ‘rely’ on them for anything else, apart from their friendship, the friendship that was there before you even got engaged.

Post # 10
28 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think its kind of ridiculous how many posters automatically crown people Bridezillas for these kind of situations. I understand they are trying to rationalize things, but seriously? The DJ thing was shady. And wedding or no wedding, a friend doesn’t actively admit they have been a bad friend, and then continue to do so.

All I can chalk this up to is maybe picking the wrong people in the first place, although with the first bridesmaid, you wouldn’t have seen this situation coming. I had a girl not talk to me for 6 months despite repeated contacts, never ordered the dress, never told me that she didn’t order it and waited until I found out from the bridal shop two months before the wedding, and when I tried to reconcile and work through the situation, she refused, was passive-agressive and bailed.

The one thing I think everyone has right, is these are unfortunate friendship ended situations. Weddings bring out the crazy bitch in people — not just brides.

Post # 11
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ultimately it was the husband who decided to DJ the paying gig.  His wife just advised him to do so.  Your blow up with her should never have been between you and her. 

Having just a Maid/Matron of Honor puts a lot of pressure and expense on teh Maid/Matron of Honor for planning the shower and bachelorette party. 

I would give both of them one more chance, say, 1 year out from the wedding.  Then, reevaluate at 10 months whether they bucked up.

Honestly, I wouldn’t be getting excited about a friend’s wedding over a year out.  Other tasks are probably a priority right now.

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