- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I am having problems with two of my three bridesmaids, and I’ve already decided that I am definitely firing both – but I’m not sure how to go about it.
In regards to Bridesmaid 1, she and I have been “relatively close” friends for about 3 years now. We met through her husband, who used to work with my fiancé. (Note – they are best friends, and her husband is the Best Man.) When my fiancé and I got engaged, just over a year ago, they were the first to know (we live in the same apartment complex). We even celebrated together that night at dinner. And in my excitement, and now what I know was haste, I asked her to be a bridesmaid. In the months that followed, she and I talked extensively about the wedding (she’s a licensed wedding planner). However, about two months ago, she and I had an explosive argument over an issue that was non-related to the wedding. Her husband had agreed to DJ a party for us as a favor, and two days before told me that he would be hours late due to a “paying” gig. I confronted her as she was the one who told him to ignore his previous commitment and take the money. I ended up working out an agreement with her husband, and made several attempts to “be the better person” and apologize to her for blowing up, even though I still felt wronged. I knocked on her door and tried calling her, but she ignored both. I ended up texting an apology. To which I received no response. She has since been avoiding me. I have spoken with her husband a number of times since, and all he keeps telling me is “I’ll talk to her” but then nothing happens. I am at the point where I feel as though I have made every attempt to “make things better”, but she apparently just doesn’t care. Why should I want someone who feels like that, and is going to treat me like this, in my wedding, to supposedly “stand up for me”?
In regards to Bridesmaid 2, she and I were best friends in middle and high school. When we graduated from high school, I went off to college and she worked. We lost contact with each other almost completely. I would try to call, text, or Facebook her every now and then, and either didn’t get a response, or only got a one word answer. Then, a few years ago, she got really sick, to the point where she almost didn’t make it. I travelled across the state to the hospital to see her, where I found out she had been discharged two hours prior. So I visited her in rehab. During our visit, she was very apologetic and said that she felt so bad because I had tried many times to re-connect with her, and she always put everyone else in front of our friendship. She promised me that it would change, and that she would never take advantage of our friendship ever again. After that visit, I didn’t see or talk to her for a year. Then my fiancé proposed. I wanted very much to ask her to stand up for me as a bridesmaid, but given the circumstances, I didn’t feel as though I could. My sister, and Maid/Matron of Honor, unknown to me, contacted her and explained my feelings. Only then did she start trying to contact me. We started hanging out more frequently, and we seemed to be getting back to where we once were. Then, when I finally asked her to be a bridesmaid, she accepted and then stopped talking to me again. She never responds when I try contacting her, and has cancelled every attempt to hang out together since. It has been six months now. It just proves to me that some people just can’t change, and I can’t count on her.
I’ve discussed my thoughts with my fiancé, my mother, and my sister, and we all agree that reducing the bridal party to only a Maid of Honor and Best Man will be the best for us. My fiancé has already spoken with his groomsmen and they are more than happy to step down (I think they were only doing it out of respect for my fiancé anyhow). We have not yet informed the Best Man given that his wife is one of the “to-be-fired” bridesmaids.
I don’t want to be “Bridezilla”, but I just don’t feel like I can rely on these people anymore. My wedding day is supposed to be the happiest of my life, and I don’t want to have to deal with the drama and the stress that go along with these two people. I want to let them down gently, but I’m concerned about a face-to-face discussion. I’m not sure that I can even get them to meet me for a face-to-face discussion! Please help – how do I do this??