Post # 1
Going incognito on this one as I’m a regular poster. So, Darling Husband and I have been married for almost 4 months, we’ve lived together a year before getting married, and I am so vanilla in the bedroom. I don’t know why, and I don’t think I’ve always been “this vanilla.” Darling Husband was VERY inexperienced when I met him, so I spent a lot of time teaching him how to control himself, how I like to be touched, etc. But, for some reason I’m always too shy to initiate sex, and when we have sex I just lay there. And Darling Husband is HOT, and we aren’t having any marital problems. I have life stressors, but I attribute that to the demands of a very stressful fied. I talked to my doctor about my combination of low sex drive, and how I just lay there and she says it’s stress. Well, i can see our sex life becoming a problem in the near future, because now that Darling Husband has a little knowledge he wants to explore and try new things. So, what are some tips to not be so shy and get in the mood and take control?- I want to please my man!
Post # 3
I am still quite shy and I have been with my SO 5yrs.. I like to dim the lights and turn on some music and just start kissing and go from there..! That way it doesn’t feel so rehearsed or uncomfortable..i find that if we take the time to set the mood i feel alot less shy and alot MORE sexy! Prob not much help I’m sorry 🙁
Post # 4
@Mrs.Newlywed: Are you on the pill, by chance? I know that when I was, my drive was mighty sad. Could be worth switching up your pill of you think it might be part of the issue.
As for getting more adventurous/forward/’bossy’, just try to be confident in the fact that this is the partner that loves you always- there’s a lot of safe space in that to talk about fantasies, preferences, and to comfortably push your boundaries. Take 5 minutes before bed to forget the stress of the day and JUST be in the moment. Put on your favorite bedroom outfits that make you feel confident, and try to push aside any non-focused thoughts. Just channel your inner feisty gal and get after him- my guess is that he won’t make it too hard for you to take charge 🙂
Post # 5
I hit the rocks on the shyness front a while back – I put on some extra weight when I quit smoking and I just hated myself. I became so self concious about how I looked when I was on top and everything bouncing away, flying over my shoulder, that I would only go missionary. In the end I told Darling Husband about this and he suggested that he wears a blindfold so that I could go at it without feeling embarrassed. It really worked. I slowly got my confidence back and didn’t give a toss if I was wearing my boobs as shoulder pads, just that we were enjoing a good healthy sex life.
Post # 6
@Cariad: I have recently started using a blindfold on my SO also because of the same reason.. when his eyes are covered with no chance of him seeing me i feel like i can completely let go and become a whole other person.. and while doing so he tells me how much he loves it and me 🙂
Post # 7
I suggest reading Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of Female Orgasm.
It helped me feel better in my own skin. Also…Orgasms. YAY
Post # 8
Why does sex have to be so serious? Me and Mr E have so much of a laugh in the bedroom. Tell me do you guys tickle each other or do anything fun when your lying in bed together?
Post # 9
I was having the same problem. I actually started taking pole dancing lessons. After a while, you grow more confident. I have big thunder thighs that I used to always cover up. Now, I wear cute little shorts and lower cut tops. It changed my mind frame from a shy plumped size 16, to a fierce curvy size 16! I know it sounds taboo, but pole dancing studios are pretty much like gyms but extremely private. You never take your clothes off but they teach you how to feel sexy with them on or off. And its great exercise too!
Post # 10
Same situation with me, I started to take pole dancing lessons. You need to love your body very much, feel it, plus all those really nice tricks you will learn during your lessons will make you feel more confident. Also I think it’s a great idea to havve mirrors in your bedroom, that will let you see your body, his body, the beautiful dance of passion, his face….that will make you feel sooooo hot, trust me)
and…yeah, new sexy stockings)
Post # 11
@Mrs.Newlywed: relax you said it yourself your dh is hot.
mabye you guys need to get away on a lil cruise to unwind and do something romantic together. ive been shy in the bedroom bcaz i flt over weight ; (
and my FI made me get totally naked and said to me i love yu just the way you are.
im totaly attracted to you in every way but i still felt funny and a lil shy.
we went on a cruise together and that my dear ws the best thing for me.
i relaxed and had a good time just me and him.
go on a lil getaway together ; )
best of luck and i hope this will help.
P.S.let go in the bedroom only you can hold your self back.
Post # 12
Okay, maybe not the best advice ever, but do you drink? If so, maybe split a bottle (or two) of wine with your Darling Husband and then start fooling around. For me, I always feel bolder when I’ve been drinking, and it helps me try or suggest new things. Granted, sometimes I’ll feel a little embarrassed the next day, but Darling Husband always grins at me like it was the best night of his life, and then I’m reassured and more confident in my sober state.
Now I feel confident to try and suggest things without the wine-buffer because I know he accepts me just as I am and is always happy to share intimacy with me, adventerous or not.
Just a thought!
Post # 13
Sleep naked as much as possible, or wear as little as possible to bed. Try to also spend some time naked around the house if you can too. The more time you spend being naked, the more comfortable you will be with your own naked body, the more comfortable you will feel being naked with your husband!
Post # 14
PPs have great suggestions. How do you view sex at the moment? Is it something that you’re feeling pressured to do because you’re newlyweds? Maybe reframing your thoughts might help. Think of it as time to play with your best friend. Like, when you were a kid, how exciting was it to go over to your BF’s house and play dress up with them? That’s what sex is for adults! Time to play and explore and have fun and giggle with your bestie, use your imaginations with no judgements and no limits (other than what you’ve already agreed on, of course).
Post # 15
some of the best times we’ve had are he silliest, most embarrassing – trying things that dont work out but having a good laugh over it. it’s just brought us closer and i love that level of trust – i know that we would be comfortable suggesting anything to the other
Post # 16
I second the birth control thing, it will definitely do that to you.
I also will say from experience that the blindfold thing really does wonders! I feel like I can let go and that I don’t have to look perfect, and my Fiance enjoys it because it heightens his sense of touch not being able to see anything. Really though, practice makes perfect!